Why Haven't You Transferred to the New Blog Yet?

Seriously. There's so much good stuff going on there that you're missing.

Check out everything I've been writing:
Analyzing Sexuality
The Sqweel
The Elusive Female Orgasm
Succu Dry: Once Bitten ...

And while you're there, subscribe to my feed through your favorite reader (I prefer Google Reader myself) or email.

New Site!

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New Blog

I've started a new blog. Yes, I am crazy. Did you not know this? Even though I don't really have the time, I have started a new one. This is going to be a bit different and a lot more personal. It'll kind of be like my sex blog, but my version of a sex blog because I always have to be complicated like that. The new blog is over at XCritic and I've written my first post in which I describe exactly what the purpose of the blog will be. Check it out. I hope you enjoy the new read! There is a link at the bottom of the page that lets you subscribe to the feed.

Tip/Fact of the Day

I will be tweeting a sex tip or fact of the day every day until I run out of them. Some you may know, some you may not. Follow me to learn things!

Tips I've tweeted so far:
- if your vag feels a little dry, rub a little silicone lube on it in the morning & feel smooth & slick all day
- Honey dust is great 4 licking off ur partner, but did u know it absorbs moisture? Dust it btwn sheets or in sandals 2 absorb sweat

If you don't twitter, don't worry! All of my tweets are published to facebook as well (when its working properly). Friend me on facebook to see my updates there. Mention you read my blog when adding me.

Did you not understand one of my tip/fact tweets or just want more info? Send me an email and let me know and I will go into further detail on my blog.

Some News

You know I always like to keep you folks updated so I just wanted to share some news with you.

First, I was recently brought on to the XCritic team where I will be reviewing porn and the occasional sex toy. When I publish my reviews there I will give you a little tidbit and a link here so that you can read more if you're interested. The first porn flicks on my list are both Abby Winters.

Secondly, I was recently put on the list of reviewers for JT's Stockroom. I'm super excited about this because I hope they give me the chance to review items that are a bit more kinky and fetishy. There is one side note that I want to make about this. You may have noticed that I added both JT's Stockroom and Extreme Restraints to my sidebar. They both sell some sort of anal desensitizer and we all know that I am extremely against this. In fact this usually deters me from even promoting a site at all. However, I gave it some thought and decided that both sites offered entirely too many quality products that are difficult to find elsewhere. So please, if you visit either site, use caution and research what you are buying.

Finally, I will be starting to do some paid advertisement blogging here on my site. Now, I want everyone to know what this means exactly. I will never shill myself out for companies or products I don't agree with. I will never promote anything that I think causes harm. I will only ever write about products/companies the way I choose to write about them. I will never give anyone creative control over my blog. My blog has always been a labor of love, which specifically means I make almost no money doing this. The free stuff is great, but I really would like to make income here too. And most importantly, I will never spam you. So what this basically means is that companies will be paying me to promote their stuff, but I will be choosing what stuff to promote. And I will be choosing how to promote it. And so that you know that I was paid to do the write-up, there will be a disclaimer telling you that the company is sponsoring that particular post. But don't ignore it just because I was paid to do it. I really will be putting my heart and soul into those pieces as well as everything else I do on my blog.

That's all for now! Hope everyone is having a fantastic holiday season!

In Which I Assess My Future

I've done a lot of thinking lately about what I want out of this upcoming move. Originally this move was going to serve as a vehicle for going to school out in the Bay Area. But I've really been giving this some thought lately. I realized that school wasn't really about furthering my education or widening my opportunities. I was using it as an excuse to stall longer and to network. Sure I knew I'd learn stuff, but I don't think school is really the answer right now. This is not to say that I won't ever go back to school, but for right now it is on hold. And lets face it, unlike undergrad, grad school is not that easy to get out of if you feel like you're not in the right area or school. I hate research. HATE IT! So why was I planning on going to a research university?

So I've reassessed the situation. I'm going to use this upcoming move as a way to start over in my life. I do not want to work in accounting. This was never my goal in life. So after Chicago, accounting is done. As long as I can get domestic partnership benefits through my wife's job I can do what I want! All things considered, this seems very possible for everything she does in the future as long as she stays in her field.

So what do I want to do? Well to start things off, I want to start doing phone sex/advice. I think I need to get back to my sex worker roots. And I need to make money. So I think that will be a good option for me. I'll even get a landline because I despise talking on my cellphone. They're pretty cheap these days through the internets. On top of that I want to get a part time job. Something in non-profit maybe. Definitely something that focuses on sex, sexuality, gender, and education. Hellz to the yes for rewarding jobs! These two things will keep me more focused in my field and hopefully allow me to be more productive with following my career path. I plan to keep up my blog, try to get speaking/teaching gigs, spend a lot of time writing (including my porno screenplay), and I would love to start making porn (writing, directing, and producing). Of course I don't expect everything will go perfectly as planned so I will take whatever comes along that looks like it will make me happy.

The bay area is still the best place to be doing all this in my opinion. There are just way more opportunities out there. However, because I no longer have the requirement of school I also don't have the total final say about where we live. The wife has been really limiting herself to where she'll be able to do post doctoral work by only looking in one place. Its still the number one choice, but there are other possibilities in other places where I may still be able to find community and inspiration. Seattle and Portland, OR are both somewhat on the table. But really, I feel like Oakland/San Francisco are the place for me to be. But we shall see what happens.

I feel really good about this decision. Bring on the future!

Porn Contest Now on Facebook!

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Toys for the Honeymoon

Tomorrow evening the wife and I leave for our honeymoon. Now you may be asking yourselves, "What kinds of toys does a sex educator/sex toy reviewer bring with them on their honeymoon?" Because you know I have a ton of them, but only a couple make the cut. Some of them new and some of them old favorites that go on every trip. The above picture is what I'm pretty sure I've decided on bringing. From left to right starting in the top row they are:

Trojan Supras: The first non-latex condom I ever started using that have remained an old standby. Once these have run out though I will probably be switching to the polyisoprene because they are cheaper. The feeling of the condoms don't really matter that much to me since they are just used on dildos, but they have to be non-latex as I am allergic.

Frank: He's a cyberskin dildo that I love giving blowjobs to. I use honey dust to keep him lifelike instead of cornstarch so that he tastes yummy.

Durex Avanti: Again, just a condom I had lying around.

Hitachi Magic Wand: Like this one should be a surprise to anyone. Shouldn't you all own one of these by now? Seriously? Its the best. Nuff said.

Mr. Bendy/Silky: My second favorite dildo ever. This guy is made out of squishy elastomer and has a rod in the center that allows for a bendy good time. I use condoms with him because elastomer is porous, but its totally worth it. This is definitely my favorite strap-on dildo.

Orbit: One of the first dildos I reviewed back when I was just a Carnal Consultant for Early to Bed. Still one of my faves! Although if I decide that I have too many dildos on the trip either Orbit or Frank will get cut.

Feeldoe Slim: High quality double-sided dildo that no romantic vacation can do without. Can be used with or without a harness.

Ella by Lelo: By far my absolute favorite dildo. And I know what I'm talking about; I own 14! This dildo is the absolute best for g-spot. Leave it to Lelo to only make one dildo, but have it be absolutely amazing.

Middle row:

Thigh Harness: This is a newer toy of mine that I'm trying out for Babeland. We've given it a few goes, but feel that in order to review it properly it needs to come with me on our honeymoon. Look for that review coming up soon.

Colore Moi Strawberry Body Paint: Yummy painting! Strawberries and champagne anyone?

Gun Oil: High quality silicone lubricant for some hot hot shower sex.

Maximus: My favorite lube. This stuff is waterbased and has the consistency of hair gel. I was finally smart enough to get a travel bottle that wouldn't get all over everything too!

Saturn: This is a small ridged waterproof vibe made out of a silky plastic. Super cheap and hopefully fun in the shower. Never used this one before, but picked it up special for my honeymoon.

Dirty Dice: Yes, I said Dirty Dice. Honeymoons are supposed to be for silly sex games damnit! And I've never played with these before so I thought they'd be a fun way to get into the play.

Buddy: A silicone butt plug that is a little on the smaller side, but not too small.

Tweezer Clamps: Because with all this sweetness there needed to be some pain ...

Silky Blindfold: Because sometimes its better if they can't see whats coming. Mwahahaha!

Bottom row:

Flower Balm: Another product sent to me to review. I've played with it a little bit and I can tell you this: The menthol definitely works on clits and lips! Look for an upcoming review after the honeymoon!

Heart Paddle: I don't know if anyone carries this anymore, but its a great lightweight wooden paddle that makes a great loud SMACK noise without hurting TOO much.

Vibrating Makeup Brush: No, I don't care about being discreet. Discreet vibes will not get me off. However, the vibrating brush is great for sensation play.

Non-latex Gloves: We are monogamous and therefore are definitely fluid bonded. However, I work in an office and get lots of papercuts. The pH of the vag being what it is, gloves often make things less stingy for me. Also, the lower amount of friction helps with my arthritis.

Vibe Harness: OMG I looked at this thing today when I pulled it out and I think it may be time for a new one. This thing is OLD!! We're talking, before this relationship old. But its my wife's favorite. Its like a part of her by now.

Oh just realized that in the top row is my Teneo Uno you just can't see it. Taking that too.

So there you have it! Should be a fun honeymoon. See you all next week.

San Francisco

I'm going to be out of town tomorrow (Sunday) through Tuesday night. I'm visiting the wonderful city of San Francisco. While there I will be getting a tour of San Francisco State University from a Human Sexualities grad student. I'm thinking of attending this school next year. I will also be checking out the Plastic's Show by Midori at the Femina Potens gallery owned by the lovely and talented Madison Young. I'll also be hanging out with friends, exploring Oakland, and having a generally fabulous time.

If you'd like to keep up with me during my trip (or even after that) follow me on Twitter: GarnetJoyce.

See you all when I get back!

P.S. Look forward to an upcoming contest where you could win hours of free video on demand porn!

I'm Back!

Woo that was a longer break than I really meant to take! Sorry about that. I'm coming back now I swear. I have a lot more time and energy to devote to the blog again.

The wedding went fabulously! So glad we were able to pull it all off. And because everyone keeps asking, no, married life isn't really any different. Still happy as clams! (That's us about to walk down the aisle on your right side.)

I will start answering questions again very soon! So sorry to those of you who sent me questions before the break. They might not be the timeliest of answers, but I will get to them. And everyone else, please send me questions so I can keep this blog going.

But first, I wanted to add a little addendum to my last post. I told you that I'd keep you updated on my thoughts of the acuvibe mini and I definitely have new feelings about it.

I was wrong (it happens sometimes). The acuvibe mini is NOT better than the hitachi. It comes in a close second for sure, but definitely not the best. I was quite happy with it until one night of drunken hornyness. I'm of the opinion that just because I have whiskey clit (or in my case martini clit) doesn't mean I shouldn't still be able to cum. The acuvibe just could not deliver the power necessary to wake my clit up. I tried, I really did. But in the end it was the hitachi magic wand that won. My good old reliable hitachi. How could I ever have doubted you?

AWOL

I'm sorry I've been AWOL lately. I love writing this blog, but I've just been too busy. What with working 6 days a week AND planning a wedding its just been too hard. And this isn't going to change until after the wedding most likely. So don't expect to hear too much from me until after the big day (March 21st!). But if you're hard up to read up on sex let me give you some great book recommendations to keep you busy until I have a little more time.

- Good Vibrations Guide to Sex 3rd edition- This book is an all inclusive book on sex that features drawings of all kinds of people with all kinds of bodies and kinks. I highly recommend it.

- I Love Female Orgasm- And who doesn't? This is a great book to learn more about women, their anatomy, their desires, and how to make them happy. It is especially useful for women who may have a hard time having orgasms

- Opening Up- This is a great book for those interested in non-monogamous relationships of all kinds. Don't be a cheater! If you don't dig monogamy learn how to be honest and have fulfilling relationships.

- Healing Sex- Have you or someone you love been the victim of sexual abuse? This book can really help get past those traumas to have a healthy sexual relationship again.

- Sex for One- This book literally changed my life. Its all about female masturbation and loving your body.

- She Comes First- This is a fabulous and extremely informative book on giving oral sex to women.

- The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability- This is a great book for anyone who has or is with someone who has a disability or suffers from chronic pain. Learn how to make sex easier and better.

- Yes Means Yes- This is easily one of the best books I've ever read. This book is very different from the rest. It is full of feminist essays with the goal of changing our culture of rape. One of the strongest messages to walk away with is how we view consent. We should be celebrating sex and sexuality and seeking out enthusiastic consent instead of just hoping to not hear a 'no.' And for those of you in Chicago, the editors of Yes Means Yes will be at Women and Children First bookstore on February 19th at 7:30.

Can anyone else recommend any good books about sex?

The Answer to UTIs?

Several months ago a woman wrote to me about her problems with getting Urinary Tract Infections (UTIs) after sex and I answered to the best of my ability in this blog entry. This is actually a relatively common problem that is often asked of sex educators and doctors. One woman who experiences this problem recently wrote in to Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross saying that she's found the solution. She highly recommends Waterfall D-Mannose. So for those of you out there who are still having a difficult time with UTIs, this might be your answer. Check it out, do the research, and maybe give it a try. I'd love to hear from anyone who has tried this stuff. Does it really work?

Oddest Searches September 2008

First of all, I'd like to announce that my blog is one year old now. I started it September 30th of last year and it is still going strong. Thanks to all my loyal readers out there. I couldn't do it without you, because well then I'd just be talking to myself and that gets old fast.

On to the oddest searches done to get to my website for the month of October. Here they are in no particular order:
- insertion of hard boiled egg into vagina (last month they wanted to see them popping them out and this month they want to see them being inserted)
- anal insertion of hard boiled eggs (apparently you folks like inserting hard boiled eggs in places they should not go)
- prostate screwdriver anal (yikes!)
- butt tribadism (is this where two people rub their butts together?)
- t (how anyone can search for anything with just one letter I don't understand)
- why do human males have nipples

Oddest Searches August 2008

Bad news: my computer is not working very well and at this point cannot get onto the internet. So this means that you won't be hearing as much from me until I can either get a new computer or somehow fix the old one. So please bear with me.

Today I'm starting a new monthly post: Oddest Searches. Each month I will post the top strangest words and phrases that people have googled which somehow led them to my site. Some times I can see the connection and sometimes I really cannot. But what is most interesting is the window to the mind of these people. Or at the very least it is highly amusing and sometimes worrisome. So without further adieu:

- love diagram
- vin diesel cock size
- obsession analingus
- virgin pussy diagram
- how to use figging in the marriage
- tribadism october 2007
- garnet sex
- is a woman's squerting orgasum normal
- woman squirts hard boiled egg out of her vagina
- analingus intestinal infection
and the winner for the oddest search term for August 2008: worms analingus

Zivity.com

Sorry I've been MIA lately. I was busy celebrating mine and my fiance's birthdays which just happen to be only two days apart. This makes for a birthday extravaganza. Also, you guys haven't been sending me any questions which makes me sad. As much as I enjoy ranting I don't think that's all that you want to read about. So send me questions! I know that every single one of you has to have at least one question about sex, sexuality, and/or gender. Maybe you even think you know a lot about certain topics, but I may be able to add to that knowledge. So send me questions!

Anyhoo, on with my rant. There is this new adult website, Zivity, that is making the claim that their goal is to capture and share the beauty of women. They specifically say: "We want our photo galleries to be as diverse as possible. As such, we encourage women of all sizes, races, ages, styles to participate. We want women who are proud of how they look and recognize that beauty comes in many different forms." Definitely a very lofty goal and one that I totally agree with and support. However, upon looking at this site I find that the models are not really that diverse. Most of the women are very thin, young, and white. There is a sprinkling of women of color and a few women who I would call curvy and thick, but wouldn't even go as far as calling them chubby. There doesn't seem to be much of an age difference in any of the models I saw. They range from 19 to maybe early 30s. I would hardly call this selection diverse. Now it is a relatively new site so I am hoping that the photo sets will continue to become more diverse.

But then there's this whole other part of the site that I pretty strongly disagree with. Somewhere along the line people got the idea that only certain types of pictures of women can be empowering and can celebrate the beauty that is woman. And these pictures can never be explicit. This is not something I understand. If we are all being sex positive and enjoying the beauty that is woman, why oh why are explicit pictures deemed demeaning and exploitative? Is it somehow better if a woman keeps her legs closed and doesn't reveal her sexual desires? Is it somehow better if we claim it as art and not pornography because she is not having an orgasm, but is just posing prettily for our viewing pleasure? Now if the woman doesn't want to do these things for the camera that is totally up to her, but what about the women who feel that an expression of their beauty and their sexuality includes masturbating with a big dildo and ejaculating all over the place? Well Zivity won't allow for that. In fact their content guidelines specifically say "Because Zivity is focused on celebrating the beauty of women, photo sets on Zivity do not depict men, sex acts (including masturbation), death themes, gore, pets or other animals, child themes, or real or implied bodily fluids (blood, fake blood, etc)." If you want it to be more of a cheesecake site then say that. Burlesque is plenty empowering, extremely sexy, and completely cheesecake and I've never heard anyone say burlesque celebrates the beauty of women and that is why they don't have sex on stage. By saying that sex acts don't celebrate the beauty of women is to make the implication that sex somehow makes a woman not beautiful. And I for one think that a woman masturbating is one of the most beautiful things on this earth!

All that said, the women are beautiful and I think I have a bit of a crush on Sash (pictured above). For more pictures of the site and another take on it (that I agree with) check out Fleshbot's take on Zivity.com. Or you could just apply for a one month free membership like I did and check it out for yourself.

Romantic Weekend Away

I'm going out of town this weekend to celebrate my anniversary with my wonderful fiance so no updates from me this weekend. I have been banned from using the internet except to check the weather and find good local restaurants. I'm sure we'll have a great time.

Some good news: I found out that I was wrong about those Babeland sale dates. Vixen Creations Dildos are 20% off through the rest of July! That's a good deal. Vixen Creations makes some of the highest quality silicone dildos. I recently picked up Raquel and I can't wait to try her on vacation! I bought some other goodies as well, which you may be hearing about in the future.

I hope you all have a fantastic weekend! I know I will!

Fisting

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The Winner

And the winner of the lube contest is the writer of The Twat Poem! Thanks to everyone who entered and voted. I hope you've all enjoyed the contest as much as I did.

In other news, I will be in Minneapolis this weekend for Sexy Spring V. I will be giving a workshop entitled Owning Your Pleasure about how to get what you want out of your sex life by learning how to please yourself and ask for what you want. If you're in the area I encourage you to come to my workshop or any of the others that interest you. It should be a fun time. I also plan on making a stop at Smitten Kitten while there because I love to roam feminist sex toy shops.

Update and Reminder

A quick update about me and then a reminder.

Last week I graduated college so I now have a BA in psychology and gender and women's studies. Go me! Also, about a month ago my girlfriend asked me to marry her and last week we set a date: March 21, 2009. And to quickly answer all the questions we both get often: No, it is not legal in our state and no, we are not traveling to a place where it is legal. There is no point in doing that since our state wouldn't recognize it anyways and we're not going to wait until the government catches up with our relationship to get married. We're ready now.

And now for the reminder. Don't forget that the lube contest is still going on! Please send me submissions so that there is actual competition between stories and its more fun. If I only have a couple submissions it becomes lame. There is a really good chance that you could be the winner of a bunch of lube! For details go here. Remember, contest ends midnight CST on 5/31/08. That's less than 2 weeks away! So get to writing!

Sex Toys Abound!

Today I am going to do a little update about me so that you can all follow along as my career as a sex educator progresses. I will do this from time to time as things change and I get new opportunities.

First of all, I am in my last semester of undergrad. To finish off my bachelors right I have taken on an independent study about the history of sexuality in America with an expert in the field. I am learning all kinds of interesting things about how sexual norms have changed over the last few hundred years. At some point I may share some of my new knowledge with you.

Secondly, I got an offer from Babeland, a feminist sex toy shop based out of New York, to review toys for this blog. They have expressed an interest in having me do monthly reviews, which would give my blog much needed content as well as giving me a lot of fun. Oh how I love sex toys. However, I already own so many sex toys that I am going to need to get a special container for all of them. I'm thinking of something that resembles a tackle box. Anyone seen anything like this or know how to make one?

Finally, and most exciting, I got a job as a sex educator at a Chicago-based feminist sex toy shop, Early to Bed. I am very much looking forward to my first day.