Toys for the Honeymoon

Tomorrow evening the wife and I leave for our honeymoon. Now you may be asking yourselves, "What kinds of toys does a sex educator/sex toy reviewer bring with them on their honeymoon?" Because you know I have a ton of them, but only a couple make the cut. Some of them new and some of them old favorites that go on every trip. The above picture is what I'm pretty sure I've decided on bringing. From left to right starting in the top row they are:

Trojan Supras: The first non-latex condom I ever started using that have remained an old standby. Once these have run out though I will probably be switching to the polyisoprene because they are cheaper. The feeling of the condoms don't really matter that much to me since they are just used on dildos, but they have to be non-latex as I am allergic.

Frank: He's a cyberskin dildo that I love giving blowjobs to. I use honey dust to keep him lifelike instead of cornstarch so that he tastes yummy.

Durex Avanti: Again, just a condom I had lying around.

Hitachi Magic Wand: Like this one should be a surprise to anyone. Shouldn't you all own one of these by now? Seriously? Its the best. Nuff said.

Mr. Bendy/Silky: My second favorite dildo ever. This guy is made out of squishy elastomer and has a rod in the center that allows for a bendy good time. I use condoms with him because elastomer is porous, but its totally worth it. This is definitely my favorite strap-on dildo.

Orbit: One of the first dildos I reviewed back when I was just a Carnal Consultant for Early to Bed. Still one of my faves! Although if I decide that I have too many dildos on the trip either Orbit or Frank will get cut.

Feeldoe Slim: High quality double-sided dildo that no romantic vacation can do without. Can be used with or without a harness.

Ella by Lelo: By far my absolute favorite dildo. And I know what I'm talking about; I own 14! This dildo is the absolute best for g-spot. Leave it to Lelo to only make one dildo, but have it be absolutely amazing.

Middle row:

Thigh Harness: This is a newer toy of mine that I'm trying out for Babeland. We've given it a few goes, but feel that in order to review it properly it needs to come with me on our honeymoon. Look for that review coming up soon.

Colore Moi Strawberry Body Paint: Yummy painting! Strawberries and champagne anyone?

Gun Oil: High quality silicone lubricant for some hot hot shower sex.

Maximus: My favorite lube. This stuff is waterbased and has the consistency of hair gel. I was finally smart enough to get a travel bottle that wouldn't get all over everything too!

Saturn: This is a small ridged waterproof vibe made out of a silky plastic. Super cheap and hopefully fun in the shower. Never used this one before, but picked it up special for my honeymoon.

Dirty Dice: Yes, I said Dirty Dice. Honeymoons are supposed to be for silly sex games damnit! And I've never played with these before so I thought they'd be a fun way to get into the play.

Buddy: A silicone butt plug that is a little on the smaller side, but not too small.

Tweezer Clamps: Because with all this sweetness there needed to be some pain ...

Silky Blindfold: Because sometimes its better if they can't see whats coming. Mwahahaha!

Bottom row:

Flower Balm: Another product sent to me to review. I've played with it a little bit and I can tell you this: The menthol definitely works on clits and lips! Look for an upcoming review after the honeymoon!

Heart Paddle: I don't know if anyone carries this anymore, but its a great lightweight wooden paddle that makes a great loud SMACK noise without hurting TOO much.

Vibrating Makeup Brush: No, I don't care about being discreet. Discreet vibes will not get me off. However, the vibrating brush is great for sensation play.

Non-latex Gloves: We are monogamous and therefore are definitely fluid bonded. However, I work in an office and get lots of papercuts. The pH of the vag being what it is, gloves often make things less stingy for me. Also, the lower amount of friction helps with my arthritis.

Vibe Harness: OMG I looked at this thing today when I pulled it out and I think it may be time for a new one. This thing is OLD!! We're talking, before this relationship old. But its my wife's favorite. Its like a part of her by now.

Oh just realized that in the top row is my Teneo Uno you just can't see it. Taking that too.

So there you have it! Should be a fun honeymoon. See you all next week.

Teneo Uno

Babeland recently sent me the newest Smart Balls from the oh so awesome Fun Factory. For my review of the original Smart Balls go here.

The Teneo Uno is pretty similar to the original in that it has the same size ball with a smaller ball inside that shakes and its made out of elastomer with a string attached. However, the Uno only has one ball, which is great for beginners or women who have smaller vaginas. Or, in my case, for those of us who prefer to only leave the house wearing one because two becomes too uncomfy when not aroused. And leave the house I did! In fact I wore it to my 10 year high school reunion. Bet my classmates had no idea!

Compared to the original Smart Balls, I didn't feel like I was getting as much of a workout, but considering the fact that I won't wear those out of the house, its really more of a workout since I'm doing it for more hours in the day.

Another difference is this cool little nook at the bottom of the ball that makes it easier for insertion. It fits the finger well so you have a spot to push against. They also changed the string from a non-stretchy string, to one that is almost rubberband-like in nature. It actually inspired me to use the toy as a slingshot upon opening. And while that's fun, I found that the limitations of the stretchy string were kind of big for me. A non-stretchy string makes for easier resistance training and removal. When you pull on a non-stretchy string the whole toy comes with it at a nice even pace. When you pull on a stretchy string you pull and pull until you get a POP when it comes out, which doesn't feel too nice. This is especially the case if you like to masturbate with your kegelcisor in. After cumming, the muscles in your vagina are often pretty tight and OMG pulling that thing out with force does not feel so great. Although, the one upside I found is that the string no longer hangs straight out and tickles my leg, which can be distracting no matter how much of a jackhammer your vibe is. Not really worth that POP though.

They also put more little divet designs on this model of Smart Balls. While this may add to its aesthetics, it does nothing for what it feels like and actually makes it more difficult to clean.

And that may sound like quite a few negatives, but I can tell you that this baby is definitely coming with me on my honeymoon next month! Nothing like something in your vaj to keep your mind on sex during a date with your sweetie.

Smart Balls

I'm always telling you to do your Kegel exercises so I figured it was about time that I reviewed a toy that is specifically used for that purpose. Babeland recently sent me the very popular Smart Balls and I gave them a try. Love them!

When I first opened the package I wasn't too psyched about the color they sent me, but I told myself that it didn't matter since I wouldn't be looking at them a whole bunch. Working my way to stronger orgasms is much more important than the color of the equipment I use to do it.

The balls are about 1.5" in diameter and are made out of elastomer with smaller weighted balls that roll and shake around inside. I found them to be a little large to insert when not aroused so you may want to turn yourself on a bit and use plenty of lube before you put them in and go about your business. And apparently many women who use these balls actually do go about their business at work, at home, running errands, etc. I haven't gotten up the guts to wear them outside of the house yet for fear of an extremely embarrassing moment. But maybe sometime I'll wear them out on a date. That could be a lot of fun.

So what you do with these balls is lube them up and pop them in your vagina. You can put either one or both balls in depending on your vagina size, comfort level, and muscle strength. Once they are comfortably in you can squeeze on the balls and even pull on the string in order to get some resistance. You can also practice pushing them out of your vagina.

So what makes Smart Balls better than traditional Kegel exercises without any equipment? I don't know about you, but when I keep flexing the same muscles over and over again I start to forget which muscles I'm flexing after awhile and start to flex the wrong ones. Its kind of like when you say a word over and over and it starts to sound less and less like a word ... kegel kegel kegel kegel .... You get the idea. Smart balls also allow you to step up your workout routine. You can flex your biceps as much as you want, but you're just not going to get big muscles if you don't add any resistance. And lets face it, Smart Balls are just plain fun! They feel good and many women report being in a slight state of arousal the entire time they wear them.

And really, I gotta say that they are great for masturbation. I like working my kegel muscles, but damnit I LOVE working them during masturbation. And these little wonders are no exception. You can't really move them around too much so they're not like a dildo, but if you use your hands or a vibe on your clit while squeezing and releasing on your Smart Balls it feels mighty nice. And what's even better is that when you orgasm, the muscle contractions cause the little weighted balls inside to shake, rattle, and roll into an extra special feeling. Try putting a vibe through the string of the balls as well. The vibration will carry through the toy.

The only thing I didn't like about this toy is that the string is stiff and kept tickling my leg during masturbation. Unlike a regular string, it can't easily be pushed out of the way. However, I wouldn't want a fabric string on this toy as it would harbor bacteria. So you gotta take the good with the bad and I have to learn to not be distracted so easily.

Lets go back to my distaste of the color of my Smart Balls. After using them for the first time, I looked at them again and found them to be beautiful. Beauty isn't just skin deep after all.

Orgasms After Child Birth

Hi, I'm 19 years old and just had my beautiful baby girl with my fiancee. My problem is that I have not been able to orgasm since I was about 3 months pregnant. Before I got pregnant the only way I could climax was when I was on top, and since recently getting the ok from my doctor to have sex again, absolutely nothing has worked. I've tried masturbation and clitoral stimulation, but neither works for me. I do not have postpartum depression, I'm not happy about my 30 lbs weight gain, but I am by no means depressed. Do you have any suggestions to help me?

First of all, let me apologize for not getting back to you sooner on this. I hope you aren't having this issue any more and that this will just be advice for those who are looking for answers now and in the future. But if you are still struggling with achieving orgasm now, maybe I can give you a few ideas.

I'm going to assume that you gave birth vaginally.

Pregnancy and childbirth can really screw with your system! It can take awhile for things to get back to normal down there and what is normal might actually end up changing for you.

Some possible changes that might be inhibiting your orgasms include hormones, change in vaginal muscles (weakening/stretching/tearing/etc.), change in level of libido, change in self-esteem especially related to weight gain, and just a general change in how things are working down there right now.

One of the most important things you can do for yourself after giving birth is to give yourself time. I'm glad you waited for the OK from your doctor as some couples don't and can actually do damage. But you also need to give yourself time to get back into the swing of things. Like I said before, pregnancy and child birth can really change a lot of things and sometimes that means relearning your body and how you receive pleasure and reach orgasm.

But don't think of it as a chore. I know it can be extremely frustrating to not reach orgasm in the ways you've always done, but try to think of it as a fun experiment to see what feels good now. If you can, try to not make orgasm your goal. Just enjoy your intimate moments together and try to find what feels just plain great. Eventually, you'll be able to figure out what brings you to orgasm now. Maybe even hold off on intercourse and just relearn how to use your hands and mouths on each others bodies. When you do get back to having vaginal intercourse, try new positions. Maybe even pick up a copy of a positions book. I like the Position of the Day Playbook because it doesn't take itself too seriously and because it has places where you can make notes on each position. This way you can remember what you liked and didn't like and what little changes you made to make it better. Spend time relearning your body on your own as well.

One big tip I can give you is to do Kegel exercises so you can get the muscles that actually contract during orgasm back into shape. Doing your Kegels while masturbating can often be lots of fun!

Another tip that may be helpful is to try to spend more time on setting the mood and focusing on foreplay. I know this can be extremely difficult when you have a baby, but it can go a long way in helping you to feel more sexy instead of fat and frazzled. For tips on keeping your sex life alive after having kids check out the book Sexy Mamas.

And remember, your body is going to change throughout your life which means that the ways you get off are going to change too. Try not to get frustrated with it and instead embrace the variety of life and the pleasure (not just orgasms) you derive from sex.

Kegel Toys

So, I have heard time and again how important Kegels are for vaginal health. But I feel like there isn't much information out there about which sex toys help with Kegels, especially when it comes to pregnancy. I am currently 29 weeks pregnant and am not high risk, so as far as I know there is no reason to avoid sex toys. While I know that you can strengthen Kegels without toys I would love to know what is on the market in various price ranges. Ideally a something that has more than just the propose of Kegels would be great. Do you have any ideas?

Yes, Kegels are super important! They are one of the best exercises anyone can do no matter what sexual equipment you were born with or have elected to have. For those of you who don't know what Kegel exercises are or how to do them, they are a way to tone your pubococcygeus muscle (PC muscle). The PC muscle forms the pelvic floor and when strong can help prevent incontinence, make orgasms stronger, and can help men to delay ejaculation if they desire. The way to flex this muscle is by squeezing the way you would if you were trying to make yourself stop peeing midstream. In order to figure out how to do it you can stop yourself from peeing a few times, but I don't recommend doing this regularly. The great thing about exercising your PC muscles is that you can do it anytime anywhere and no one will even know. You can do it at the grocery store, while talking to your boss, while pumping gas, while cleaning, etc. The possibilities are endless.

And you're right, doing them during pregnancy is a great idea. Having strong PC muscles will help you to give birth more easily by making it easier to push and lessening your chances of tearing during labor. You should also do kegels after you give birth as this will help get everything back into shape faster.

While exercise equipment is not necessary to do kegels, it can make it more fun. Unfortunately there isn't a whole lot of price range out there as you will need sex toys that are heavy and heavy materials tend to cost more money.

The cheapest option at about $28 would probably be Smart Balls. You insert one or both balls, leaving the string outside of your body like a tampon and you squeeze the balls with your PC muscles. For resistance you can pull on the string. While these can be fun, there is nothing orgasmic about them. Some people find them to be pleasurable, but there are other options out there that are more likely to get more of a rise out of you.

The other options I would suggest would be heavy dildos, often made out of stainless steel. These you can use during masturbation by inserting the dildo into your vagina and rhythmically squeezing your muscles around it towards orgasm. I highly recommend using a vibrator on your clit in conjunction with the weighted dildo. Here are some options of dildos that you can try, their weights, and their prices:
- Natural Contours Energie 1 lb $50
- Betty Dodson's Vaginal Barbell just under 1 lb $76
- The Kegelcisor just under 1 lb $84
- njoy's Fun Wand 12oz $88
- njoy's Pure Wand 1.5 lbs currently on sale for $91.80
- or if you're really hardcore there is njoy's eleven weighing in at 2.75 lbs and costing $300

These toys are all made of high quality materials so consider it to be an investment that will last a really long time. And while you can easily warm these stainless steel toys with warm water before hand, Betty Dodson (one of my heroes and the queen of masturbation and female orgasms) suggests starting with the dildo cold so that your muscles will automatically start to clamp around it. Also, be sure to use lube when using these or any dildos. All of these toys, with the exception of the Smart Balls, can be used with either water or silicone based lubes.