The Tool Shed

I want to give a quick shout out to a sex shop that I visited on my honeymoon: The Tool Shed. Its located in Milwaukee (yes, I honeymooned in Milwaukee. Get over it.) and its totally awesome. I love feminist sex shops and when I travel I try to go visit ones I've never been to before. I'm kind of a nerd like that.

When I first walked in I was a bit taken aback by the fact that there was a dude behind the counter. But I soon realized that this guy was a very comfortable guy. No threatening or creepy vibes here.

The wife and I walked around perusing the wares and I got such joy out of fondling toys that my store doesn't carry and that I'd never actually seen in person. I want to try the SaSi SO BADLY!! The Tool Shed had quite a selection, carrying more vibes and BDSM gear than Early to Bed has. I was like a kid in a candy shop. Some of the stuff I found to be a bit odd and was glad that we don't carry it, but there were many other things that I wished we would carry.

After looking around for awhile I introduced myself to the non-threatening dude (I am horrible with names!) behind the counter. And this is where I probably annoyed my wife. We talked shop for like an hour. Yeah, I can just go on and on about sex toys. He told me about exciting new toys coming out and I told him they should carry my fave dildo in the whole world Ella by Lelo (Ellen on E2B's website).

And because I hate to take up someone's time and not buy anything, I bought my wife a pair of bicycle socks. I loved that The Tool Shed had a whole bunch of locally made stuff like socks, lingerie, jewelry, zines, and art.

So if you're in Milwaukee definitely hit up The Tool Shed for your sex toys or even socks. They rule!

Love U Parties- Ducky's Newest Venture

The amazing Ducky DooLittle just launched her own sex toy party company today! Check it out: Love U Parties. The site is well done and she offers products that I haven't seen other feminist sex shops carry. Things that just make sense and you have to wonder why others aren't carrying them. For example: the Sex in the Shower Foot Rest. How many times would that have come in handy?

The great news is that she's paying the consultants (people who sell the toys at the parties) a big percentage of the sales. That's big money and possibly a real career for some. I may consider doing it myself after I move to Oakland.

If you haven't heard of Ducky before you should check out her book Sex With the Lights On: 200 Illuminating Sex Questions Answered. There are a TON of quotes from me in that book. See if you can figure out which ones!

Masturbation Haiku Contest

Over at my favorite sex shop (Early to Bed) they're having a contest to win fun sexy things! All you have to do is write a haiku about masturbation. You can enter up to 5 haikus and the top 3 get prizes. They can be sexy, silly, fun, meaningful, sentimental, whatever you want! So head over to the Early to Bed Blog and enter for your chance to a win masturbation book, lube, a t-shirt, and/or a gift certificate.

And I get to help with the judging! So send in some good ones!

The Winner

And the winner of the lube contest is the writer of The Twat Poem! Thanks to everyone who entered and voted. I hope you've all enjoyed the contest as much as I did.

In other news, I will be in Minneapolis this weekend for Sexy Spring V. I will be giving a workshop entitled Owning Your Pleasure about how to get what you want out of your sex life by learning how to please yourself and ask for what you want. If you're in the area I encourage you to come to my workshop or any of the others that interest you. It should be a fun time. I also plan on making a stop at Smitten Kitten while there because I love to roam feminist sex toy shops.

First Vibrator

This wasn't a question in my email, but it is a question I get every day that I work at Early to Bed and often via instant messengers while on the computer. The question is "What would make a good first vibrator?"

Sex toys are super hot right now. Everyone is buying them and more mainstream companies (like Durex) are starting to sell them. There are so many sex toys on the market that it can seem really overwhelming to a first time buyer. This is especially true when you don't know what companies make good quality toys and which make shoddy toys with great advertisements that make you think they're better than they are.

Well here are a couple tips.

1. Don't spend a lot of money on your first vibrator. This is a starter vibe that can help you learn what it is you like exactly. If you spend $80 on your first vibe and you find out you don't like it your experience of sex toys is going to be a frustrating one. I really recommend spending $30 or less. You can spend more once you get to know your body.

2. Find a vibrator that either has at least 3 speeds or has an adjustable wheel to control the speeds. This way you can find a vibration that you enjoy. Maybe you like light tickly vibrations or maybe you need a deep powerful vibe. Unless you've experimented with your electric toothbrush or a back massager there's no real way to know. Some suggestions of cheap vibes with lots of vibration control include: a silver bullet which I reviewed in a previous blog; a silk touch egg which not only has different speeds, but also different pulsations; or a slimline

3. As the last toy on that lists suggests, you may also want to get a toy that offers internal stimulation. Some women really enjoy internal vibrations, while others find it a strange feeling. The nice thing about these though is that you can turn the vibrator off and just use the toy as a dildo. This way you have two toys in one; it vibrates your clit and you can also use it for penetration. A great option would be a blueberry buzz which you can even take in the tub with you or if you're interested in g-spot stimulation you can try an orchid g.

4. Buy a vibe that you think looks like fun. If you're intimidated by it you won't want to use it and you'll be setting yourself up for disappointment. Vibrators are wonderful things that I believe every woman should own (as well as many men), but you need to take it at your own pace.

5. Shop at feminist sex toy shops that care about you and your health and feel free to ask lots of questions. That is what the staff is for. For more information on these types of stores consult my blog on sex toy shops

6. Finally, some shops even carry a kit specifically for first timers. Early to Bed has this first timer's kit which includes a silver bullet, small insertable vibe, a fun animal sleeve to go over the vibes, a small bottle of lube, and even batteries so you're all set right when you open it up.

Remember to have fun! Sex toys are one of my favoritest things in the whole entire world and hopefully you'll enjoy them just as much as I do.

Sex Toy Shops

Some of you may have noticed that I have an affinity for woman-run sex toy shops, but many people may not know why or what the difference is between your average sex shop and a woman-run feminist sex toy shop. These are important things to know especially when you may get suckered in by websites that are advertised on sex-positive TV shows like Talk Sex with Sue. I understand that getting sponsors is important, but if it were me on that show I would make sure that my sponsors were in line with my ideologies. The website I speak of is TabuToys.com. I'm singling out tabutoys, but there are many many sex toy shops on the web that fall into this category.

These types of shops often advertise themselves as being some of the largest on the web. They boast about their huge selections. That may sound good at first, but stop and think about what they're really saying. They are boasting about the quantity of the sex toys they are selling, they are not boasting about the quality. I personally prefer a sex toy shop that will guarantee me quality sex toys; toys that do what they say they're going to, made from quality materials that are safe.

Sure you can buy quality merchandise on these websites. It does exist, but you can't always tell between quality toys and crappy toys because these sites are indiscriminate. They don't care if the toys are crappy, they only care that they're making money. This is a big problem for people who don't know what to look for in a sex toy and are going to be convinced by whatever toy has the best description.

Woman-run feminist sex toy shops need to make money too, but they are also very concerned about the quality of their sex toys. They test toys before they decide to sell them in their stores and will only sell toys that meet their standards. If down the road they find that a certain sex toy keeps prematurely breaking they will stop selling it. They sell toys that are made of superior materials that are safe and pleasurable.

Now unfortunately there are actually woman-run toy stores that don't follow these standards so you can't always go by the website's "about us" section. So what is the best way to tell if a store is really interested in only selling you quality goods? Go to their lube section and look for a desensitizing anal lubricant. If they are selling one or more then they do not care about your safety. You should NEVER numb your anus in order to have anal sex. If something hurts there is a very good reason for it. You could do a lot of damage if you don't stop anal play that hurts.

Here is a list of sex toy shops that I approve of:
Babeland
Early to Bed
Good Vibrations
Holistic Wisdom
Tulip
Smitten Kitten
Womyn's Ware
Venus Envy

If there are any others that you know of feel free to leave a comment.

There are also many other reasons I don't like sites like tabutoys.com, but we won't get into that ... at least not during this rant.