Shit Happens

So, last night I had some pretty good sex. My guy came over after work & took a shower so he was all squeaky clean. So we have sex for an hour or so & then I start playing around with him with my hands & he gets really into it. He likes anal pressure but no penetration or anything. I have ample lube & he is a very happy boy. Now here's my issue... keep in mind he had just showered. I have an unbelievably sensitive sense of smell. There was a little more anal play/pressure than usual but like I said no penetration since hes not into that.....I could um, smell it. I could kind of ignore it but it wasn't something I'd like to repeat often b/c of that. Now this isn't an issue for him or anything...I go down on him plenty & there's NO odor issues. I guess it's just b/c I was playing around there? He enjoyed it SO MUCH though. So the question is....how do I avoid that next time? The smell thing that is & WTF is that about? Yikes.

OK here is the thing about butts, now everyone say it with me: "Poop comes out of your butt." If you're going to be going in or around someone's butt you may have to deal with poop. As they say, 'shit happens.' There are ways to try to avoid poop, but if you're going to play with the butt there is no way to make sure to 100% avoid it. Its like pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections: If you don't want them you have to abstain from sex all together, but there are precautions to lower your risks. Because lets face it, sex and butts are hella fun!

The facts about pooping:
Poop (such a funny word!) is pretty much formed in the large intestine and then goes into the rectum where it is stored for a short period of time. When we go to the bathroom to relieve ourselves it comes out of the rectum through the anal sphincter. And no matter how good we wipe ourselves afterwards there is always a chance that some of that fecal matter stayed in the rectum and/or just inside of the sphincter. And it often slowly works its way out.

This is why bidets are awesome! Its sooo much easier to clean yourself well with water than with tp. That being said, as showcased by your man, its still not always enough to do the trick. Because fecal matter can get trapped in that area I mentioned before we need to actually work our finger into the sphincter a bit to try to clean it out. This is especially easy to do in the shower. Just relax and slowly apply pressure around your anus and the tip of your finger will go right in. And voila a clean bum!

If the stink butt keeps happening you may have to talk to your man about how to properly clean his rear end. I know this can be a somewhat uncomfortable topic, but approach it gently without talking about it being gross. Just talk about how you like to poke him in the butt, but sometimes its a little stinky and you just want to make sure you're getting him as clean as possible so its enjoyable for both of you.

There's also the possibility that he may not have been feeling at the top of his game, but still wanted to mess around with you. I think we've all been there. Sometimes you don't realize until its a little too late that maybe it wasn't the best idea. If it hasn't happened to you yet, I guarantee it will at some point.

So above all, I'd say have some compassion and a sense of humor. If he's usually a pretty clean guy and a smell or a little poo comes out now and again don't hold it against him. You may be on the other side of that at some point.

Also, if you want to keep things clean I'd highly suggest picking up some latex or neoprene gloves. They're pretty cheap and keep a barrier between your hands and his poop. Just remember to use lots of lube!

Slipping Out

Dear Garnet Joyce,

I am a gay male who is having sex (safe of course) with another man. I am on the receiving end of the sex, if you understand. When I am having anal sex with my guy, he frequently slips out. Why does this happen? It happens a few times each session. Are there any ways I can prevent this from happening?

I'd say that this other man that you're having sex with sounds like he thinks his dick is longer than it is. So he keeps pulling out further than he should and pops out. The best solution I can give you is to talk to him about making his thrusts a bit on the shorter side and maybe deeper (but only if deeper feels good for you). If he's new to this or you're new to having sex together it may take a bit for you guys to get the swing of things, but after some practice it will go more smoothly. And I'm glad to hear you're using protection!

Aneros Helix

I found a great new male reviewer for AskGarnet.com and I'm sooo happy about it! His name is Clix and he is very open minded sexually, a great writer, and takes fantastic pictures of cute naked girls. So he will be reviewing all those items which I cannot. His first task was the Aneros Helix and he was very up to the challenge! Read on to find out what he thought.

To the average American male, the idea of, to be crass, shoving something up your ass for sexual pleasure is pretty much out of the question. Much to the benefit of my range of erotic expression and capacity for pleasure, I am not the average American male.

When the opportunity to write a review of the Aneros Helix came up, I couldn't have been more excited. I have for, as long as I can remember, been a proponent of anal/prostate stimulation, and I had heard nothing but amazing things about the toy. Without a bit of exaggeration, I can say the moment the package arrived, I tore it open, grabbed my trusty bottle of Eros, and got to work.

The shape of the Helix is rather striking, and at a glance you can tell it means business. The plastic construction is smooth enough, and has a refined finish with none of the icky seams that plague some of the cheaper varieties of toys on the market. Despite being pretty familiar with the operation of most sex toys, I read the instructions on the box. The basic gist of the guide was, “relax, lubricate, insert, relax more, work muscles while relaxing.” Ok... so... I got it... relax... So I followed the instructions, mostly. I went to my whacking sanctuary, lubricated it, and slid it into place, making sure the perineum stimulator nudged up nicely, and started flexing my PC muscles.

According to many forums, and much of the literature I'd read, the Aneros line of toys is supposed to allow for the elusive hands free orgasm for males. I experimented for about a half-hour with flexing at different frequencies and strengths, and then relinquishing control to natural reflexes. Given enough patience, I was sure that I could achieve it, but eagerness was the word of the moment so I quickly let my hands in on the action. Normally a good whack will take me 20-30 minutes to finish. Not this time. About 5 minutes (judging by the fact that a single track on my EDM playlist had gone by) passed, and I was already feeling the tell-tale twitches. Not since first discovering auto-eroticism do I remember climaxing so fast or with such force, and I'm not sure I've ever ejaculated with the volume I achieved. Even before I came, I noticed I was dribbling pre-cum like a broken faucet loses water, but even that was nothing compared to the torrents I blasted.

Over the next week of testing, I was delighted to find that my new tool, unlike regular masturbation, did not become less fun or impressive with each usage, but rather, the more I learned to control it, the more useful and powerful it became. Sadly, I never found the hands free orgasm, but I was able to get myself almost to the point of no return several times and it would take less than 5 minutes with added penile stimulation to achieve.

As far as INTRApersonal activities go, the Helix proved it was more than formidable, but it also managed to shine when used with a partner. Overcoming initial apprehension with a partner who may be less open minded than a person willing to try the helix may take some effort, but is well worth it. Having the additional sensory input driving you will definitely have an impact on your performance. Aneros now has two official fans in this household.

All told the helix has nothing but good points to remark on. The size is enough to feel filling, but not large enough to be intimidating to anal amateurs. The only prohibitive factor I can possibly see in the helix is the retail price which hovers around $75. Some may see this as a bit of a high price for a toy that doesn't vibrate, light up, or cook you breakfast. It is, with complete certainty I assure you, worth every dollar. Pick one up as soon as possible, your pent up sexual energy that previously had no way to be realized will thank you.

The Good, The Bad, and The Beautiful

Since for some reason you people still aren't sending me questions (all time high subscriber rate and yet no questions!?!?) I'm going to try something new here. I'd prefer to create reader-inspired content, but without that I had to come up with my own ideas for new stuff.

Working at a sex shop and trying to become a sex educator involves a lot of reading of sex ed books, watching of porn, using of toys, and in general trying to learn as much as possible. While I do this I am bound to come across great things and I'm bound to come across ... well not so great things. So today I give you:

The Good, The Bad, and The Beautiful (we don't believe in ugly sex here)

The Good: I just finished watching an incredible porn that has won lots of awards and Violet Blue apparently has raved about. So maybe I'm a little behind the times and you all already know about it. But in case you don't, you should really check out The Bi Apple. Here is a porn that has it all! We're talking real attractive bodies, people of color, real bisexuality (not just women's), real pleasure, good quality sex toys, strap-ons, male-male, male-female, female-female, and male-male-female sex. It also features some negotiation, which is pretty non-existent in mainstream porn. They are telling each other how they like it. One of the best pornos that I've seen and really the only one of its kind that I have seen thus far. Keeping in mind though that I didn't have too much experience with porn videos before I started my job at Early to Bed.

And here is the trailer for The Bi Apple:



The Bad:

I read sex ed books quite often and a lot of the information is good, but sometimes I come across some misinformation. I would hate for people to see this and think that it is accurate so I want to share some misinformation I found recently.

I grew up on The Guide to Getting it On. My mom "hid" a copy of the first edition in the bookshelf for me when I was pretty young. She understood that I probably had a lot of questions about the how-to's of sex that I would never ask her and she preferred I got that information from a reliable source instead of what the kids were saying on the playground. Go Sex Positive Mom! Well The Guide has been so popular that it is now more than twice its original size and is in its 5th edition. I read the 4th edition several years ago, but now reading the 5th edition and knowing so much more than I used to know I'm finding flaws. This book is VERY heterosexual and I feel like it doesn't need to be.

I have a few other issues with it as well, but we'll get right down to the nitty gritty of it here. The wonderful lube connoisseur, Metis Black of Tantus Silicone, told me that the chapter on lube was not very good so I kept her words in mind as I read through it. She was right; it isn't very good. In fact at one point they give straight up misinformation. On page 108 the book states "Most silicone lubes are water-based, which means you can use them with latex condoms." Yes, you can use silicone-based lubes with condoms but not because they are water-based. They aren't water-based, they are silicone-based. Hence why they are called that. You can use silicone-based lubricants with condoms because they aren't oil-based. Oil-based lubricants will deteriorate latex condoms.

Sometimes you will find hybrids out there that combine water-based and silicone-based lubes but that's a different story entirely. Sliquid Silk is an example of this.

Even though The Guide has these flaws I still strongly recommend it to heterosexuals because it is very well written and has a lot of really great information in it.

The Beautiful:

Erotic Nature photos by David Steinberg are amazing. They feature real couples having real sex. I love looking into their faces and seeing the desire, the love, and the fun. He even has a section on sex and disability, which seems completely absent from a lot of other artists' work.

I'm Looking For a Man

There has been a lot of buzz around men's prostates lately and since I do not have one and nor does my partner I feel like I'm missing out on all the really good info. There has especially been a lot of buzz around the Aneros and I want to hear about how great it really is.

So dear readers please write in and tell me your experiences with the Aneros and remember I want detail! I would also be willing to purchase an Aneros MGX for one special male reader who has some experience with butt play and is a good writer. If you'd be interested in this deal send me a writing sample reviewing something else sexual like condoms or cock rings or even lube. If I like your style and think you'd write a good review then I'll send an Aneros your way. I don't care what your sexual orientation or gender identity is, but you MUST have a prostate and feel comfortable writing openly about sex. I would also prefer someone who is having sex relatively regularly and not just with themselves. Starving artists who really want an awesome expensive butt toy, but just can't afford it are encouraged to apply.

Send reviews to garnetjoyce at gmail dot com.

Fisting

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Stuck!

I was sent this video (Warning! NSFW) with the following question:

What should someone normally do if they get something stuck?

For those of you who don't want to watch the video the jist is that this poor woman inserts 4 golf balls into her vagina and when she tries to get them out the last one is stuck and she has a very difficult time retrieving it. Luckily at the end she is able to recover it and all is well. So what can we learn from this?

First of all, don't stick things where they're not supposed to go. Golf balls are not made to go in one's vagina and candles are not made to go in one's butt. Use sex toys for crying out loud! That's what they're for. Only insert things into your vagina or anus if they are specifically made for that purpose. Otherwise you're just asking for a world of trouble.

But even if you are doing what you're supposed to be and only using objects that are made for insertion, shit still happens. If you get anything stuck in your vagina or anus the first rule is Don't Panic! If you relax it will make things a lot easier. Just remind yourself that you can do this. Next go wash your hands so they are not slippery or dirty and then sit yourself down on the toilet or on the edge of the tub and bear down like you're trying to make a bowel movement. These muscles will help to push out whatever is stuck in there. You may need your hands to help as well as catching the object if you don't want to go fishing in the toilet.

If the particular orifice that the object is stuck in happens to be your vagina then you're in luck. It is very difficult to lose anything in there as objects don't have far to go. Relax, breathe, and push down and you should be able to retrieve it. Remember, gravity is on your side.

However, if the orifice is your anus, you will really have to make sure you stay as relaxed as possible. If you panic there is a very good chance that your muscles will work against you and push the object further into your anal cavity. This is why we ALWAYS use sex toys with a flared base when playing with our butts. Just make sure to breathe, relax, and push down. You should be ok and be able to get it out. When people panic they have to go to the ER to get objects removed from their butts. But remember that if you do have to go to the ER don't bother lying to the doctor. I guarantee you they know exactly why that thing is stuck up your butt.

Havana Vibrating Plug

This month's Babeland review is the Havana Vibrating Plug. This is a great anal toy for beginners and those who are a little more advanced because it is on the smaller side. It is made out of very soft pink silicone and has a hole in the bottom for the cordless bullet vibe that is included. Being silicone means it is a great toy for anal play as it can be completely sterilized by boiling it in water (without the vibe of course), throwing it in the top rack of your dishwasher, or even just washing it with soap and water. Silicone also means that vibrations are conducted very well so you will definitely feel the vibe in this toy.

This toy feels fantastic especially when combined with other sensations like a vibrator on the clit, vaginal penetration, or cock and ball play. The only downside is that it doesn't do what a butt plug should do, namely stay in place. You will probably have to hold this guy in with an extra hand so any type of very active sex play for the wearer is probably going to be out of the question.

A couple of tips for this toy and others like it:
- Whenever engaging in any type of anal play make sure to use LOTS of lube. I like Maximus.
- Do NOT use silicone lube with silicone toys.
- When putting a bullet vibe into a toy, always put a drop or two of lube on the bullet first so you can easily remove it later.

And now a reminder that voting for the lube contest ends tomorrow at 11:59PM CST so don't forget to cast your vote.

Sex Toys 101 Kit

This month's Babeland toy review is the Sex Toys 101 Kit. It contains 3 sex toys (the Nubby G, a Silver Bullet, and the Little Flirt) a book about sex toys, a lube sampler pack, and 4 AA batteries.

First, the toys. I had never actually tried a Nubby G before even though it is one of the more popular yet cheaper toys on the market. The toy is made out of jelly which is a cheap porous material. It is relatively low quality, but for the price you really can't complain. Babeland told me they were sending me their new Nubby G which was now phthalate-free, but the box says nothing about that so I can't say that it actually is. The toy is angled for g-spot stimulation, which it does pretty well. But overall I have to say that I was not very impressed with this toy. Even though I don't like internal vibrations they aren't a big deal because I know a lot of women enjoy that, but it had other flaws which I felt were unforgivable. First, the nubbies for which it is named are not the soft pliable nubs I thought they would be. They were hard and pointy and not at all comfortable. Secondly, the platform which the nubs were on are probably supposed to hit one's clit, but either both mine and my girlfriend's anatomy are completely different from all women or this toy is just not designed well because you have to work on angling the toy in what I believe is the wrong direction in order to get it to hit your clit. That's a BIG drawback. One upside though is that the vibe is relatively quiet and yet still pretty powerful. Overall this toy seems to get mixed reviews. It seems people either love it or they hate it. I gotta say I hate it though and I really doubt I'd recommend it to anyone.

The silver bullet, on the other hand, is pretty much a requirement for anyone who owns sex toys whether you're a collector or just starting to buy them. It is a very simple, cheap vibe that is really versatile. It can be used during masturbation or partner play and it is really unintimidating for those of you who find sex toys a little scary. Bullets are made of hard plastic so they are non-porous and you can use sleeves on them to add a little more fun and some of them will even fit in cockrings. You should NEVER use a bullet internally though. I've seen it done in some porns and it makes me really nervous.

The Little Flirt is a silicone butt plug made by Tantus. It is a perfect butt plug for beginners. It is very small and easy to keep inside. Tantus does a great job of designing sex toys that really work well with the body by using the best materials and really caring about its customers. And the best part about it is that it is super easy to clean. Silicone is non-porous and can be boiled, washed with soap and water, put on the top shelf of your dishwasher, bleached, you name it. If you're looking for a first time butt plug I highly recommend this one.


The book, Sex Toys 101: A Playfully Uninhibited Guide, is well written, informative, and has beautiful artistic pictures of sex toys. However, the downside of a book like this is that the sex toy industry is becoming more and more popular and moving faster than ever. That means that this book quickly becomes out of date. Even since its printing there are new sex toys out there that need to be covered that aren't in this book and there are other toys in the book that you'll have a really hard time finding. What would be nice is if they could have an online database of this kind of information that could be constantly updated.

The Lube Sampler Pack comes with 7 different lube pillows that you can try out. They may or may not be the ones on the site as they may substitute others if they run out. My pack was a bit different than on the site, but still included a great sampling of different lubes. If you're not sure what lube you'd like best, lube sampler packs are a great way of figuring this out. Its a lot cheaper than buying a big bottle of lube, deciding you don't like it, and then buying another big bottle of lube. (Speaking of lube, don't forget about the lube contest I'm having! Entries are accepted until 5/31.)

The kit also comes with 4 AA batteries which is always a nice touch. There's nothing worse than getting brand new sex toys and then realizing that you're out of batteries.

Menage a Trois Fantasy Kit

Time again for another Babeland kit review. This time I will be talking about the Menage a Trois Fantasy Kit which consists of a thong-style nylon-strapped harness that allows for double penetration (that is penetration of a woman's vagina and anus at the same time) and a Tantus red silicone dildo. The set also includes several metal o-rings of different sizes and one rubber o-ring.

First, lets talk about the harness. It is a nylon harness which means that it is pretty easy to care for and easy to adjust. The packaging says that the harness fits up to 60" hips. It is a thong style harness, which I was a bit disappointed by. I prefer the two strap style (or jock strap style as it is sometimes called) because it does not go up my ass crack. Now some people may enjoy having their genitals and ass crack rubbed by a thin piece of nylon strap, but I am definitely not one of them. I find that it causes irritation. No biggie though, I just wore my underwear under the harness to improve my level of comfort. Now the cool thing about the harness is that it can be worn by a man or a woman. The o-rings double as a cock ring for men or you can just slip another dildo in there if you are a woman. Your partner will have to be female-bodied for it to work effectively though.

The dildo that comes with it is silicone and made by Tantus which makes high quality sex toys. It measures 5" x 1-1/8", which is probably too big for someone who is just starting out, but would be great for someone with intermediate or expert level experience. Either way though, you should warm your partner up first with a finger or a smaller butt toy before sticking this one in.

Now while I usually put a lot of faith in Tantus products I have to say that this dildo does not meet my high standards for them. There are just a couple flaws in this dildo (not sure if they all come like this or if I was just unlucky) that I was unhappy with. First of all, the base is not completely flat on the bottom. It is slightly rounded, which isn't a big deal, but for me is a bit of a hassle. After I clean a sex toy and before I begin to use it I like to be able to stand it up on its base to keep it away from any surfaces which may have germs, dust, etc on them. When the base is not completely flat, the toy tends to tip over. Not impossible to work around, but annoying just the same. The second flaw is barely worth mentioning, but is still not the quality that I have come to expect from Tantus. The dildo has a bump and a couple of dimples on the head of it. Normally I see completely smooth dildos from Tantus. Despite these flaws though I am happy that it is a silicone dildo so that it is easy to sanitize, which is especially important for any toys going up the butt.

I don't know about this claim of feeling like you're having a menage a trois. I think that is a bit ridiculous, but if you or your partner enjoys hands-free double penetration then this toy is great. So far I've only tried it in the doggy-style position, which is what is recommended on the Babeland site, but it worked really well and the dildos seemed to be spaced perfectly for double penetration. The only real downside to this type of toy is that changing positions is a bit cumbersome since you can't switch from doggy to missionary or vice versa without switching dildos washing things off, or changing condoms.

There is one thing that I would have added to this kit that I'm actually surprised that Babeland does not include. Many of their other kits seem to come with a lubricant, but this one does not, which is surprising since it involves anal play which requires lube. Possibly reasoning for this would be that if you're using this kit you probably already have experience with anal sex and therefore have a lube of your own. I still think a sample of a nice thick lube like Maximus would have been a nice touch though.

First Time Anal Explorers

Dear Garnet,
I am interested in exploring anal stimulation/penetration with toys. My girlfriend is excited to play with me in this way too. What advice can you give a couple starting to explore this?

Go slow and use a lot of lube. Patience is extremely important. The second one partner jumps the gun on the other partner's ass means the end of ass play for awhile. Remember that it is always better to go too slow and have your partner beg for more (hot!) than to go too fast and hurt them.

If you feel any pain at all, stop what you're doing and SLOWLY remove whatever is in your bottom. NEVER use any sort of numbing creams, lubes, or gels because if it hurts there is a good reason for it. Do use a thick water-based lube like Maximus.

Make sure that both you and your partner are very aroused before starting any sort of penetration of the anus. It will be a lot more pleasurable than starting cold. On that note, it is also best to start with a finger and work your way up to a toy.

When looking for butt toys make sure you are buying good quality toys, preferably silicone, with a flared base. Being a beginner, you should definitely stick to small dildos, butt plugs, and anal beads. Males can also try the Aneros Prostate Massager. I've heard great things about it and certain models are great for beginners. They're a little pricey, but thats because they're specifically designed for prostate stimulation. I'd actually love if I could get a willing male to try one out and review it for me. Any takers?

And above all, just like anything in a relationship, share an open honest dialogue. Communicate with each other on what feels good and what doesn't.

The Purpose of a Butt Plug

OK, so my friends and I were talking about this the other week and we weren't really sure.

We were talking about butt plugs and how the term "plug" implying it's stopping up a hole or filling some sort of gap. We looked it up on wikipedia and really only saw that it was not so much functional as it was used for pleasure, despite the implied meaning. Does a butt plug have a functional purpose like to plug the butt from leaking (gross I know!) or is it merely for sexual pleasure?

There is more than one meaning for the word plug. Think of an electrical plug or gauged out ear jewelry that is also called a plug (pic). Neither of those has the function of stopping anything from coming out or going in. They are merely objects that one inserts into a hole where it remains until taken out. A butt plug is an object that is inserted into a hole, specifically the anus, and stays there until taken out. And yes, it is usually used for pleasure.

Figging

This is something a friend of mine and her current boyfriend got into recently. I wanted to find out more about Ginger Root Figging, it's pro's and con's, natural affects, and possible side-affects. So what does Garnet have to say about it?

This is probably the most exciting question I have received since starting my blog. I'd never heard of figging before I received the email containing this question and I love learning new things. I've spent a lot of free time doing research on this question in order to give a thorough answer.

For those of you who don't know, and I'm going to assume that is most of you, figging involves penetrating the anus with a piece of ginger. Basically you get a big piece of ginger, often called a hand, from the store (it may be difficult to find a good size at a supermarket so it may be necessary to go to a produce market, asian market, or health food store); you cut off a "finger" of the ginger, making sure to cut into the base of the hand to get more length; peel off the skin, making sure to smooth all of the bumps down; shape the finger into a butt plug with a concave ring for retention; and rinse the ginger with water. It is now ready for insertion into the anus. Lube is not necessary, in fact it will mute the properties of the ginger that one is seeking. The water from rinsing the ginger should make it slippery enough. The receiver will not feel the effects of the ginger right away, but after a minute or two it should start to tingle and then burn/sting. It can get pretty painful and will hurt even more if one clenches their buttocks. This is why it is really only practiced in the BDSM community.

So what do I think about this? Personally, I don't like much pain so this would be horrible for me. However, this isn't about me. I'm all for people doing whatever they want as long as they're not hurting anyone without their consent.

That said, I also don't advocate inserting objects into holes where they're not meant to go. This goes doubly for the anus. Think of your rectum as a vacuum that can suck up anything that does not have a flared base. It is true that you can carve a flared base into the ginger, but it is pretty easy to break. To do research on this I actually picked up a piece of ginger and carved it into a butt plug just to see how easy it was to break. It snapped right away with hardly any force. And lets face it you don't want to end up in the ER. I talked to a med student about the risks involved with sticking foreign objects in one's bum and this is what she had to say, "In my opinion, it's generally a bad idea to put things up one's rectum that weren't made for that purpose--but this is only because I've seen the box of things that the surgeons have pulled out of butts. (Some of these have had bad outcomes--colostomies, resection of bowel, etc. So I personally would not recommend it.) I suppose that, as with insertion of any foreign object, there is always the danger of infection or abscess formation, if there are cuts or abrasions in the rectal wall; or of colon perforation." That sure doesn't sound pleasant.

Another possible problem is how one may react to the ginger. There could be an allergic reaction to it specific to the anus or it could just be unbearably painful. The anus is an extremely sensitive and delicate area of the body. If you are going to play with ginger I would highly recommend trying it on your genitals first. This will allow you to see just how much the ginger burns and if you think you'll be able to take it in your anus. For research sake, and because my girlfriend is such a trooper, I cut a slice of the ginger root and placed it on her clit, held in by her labia majora. As was expected, she didn't feel anything at first, but after a couple minutes it started to tingle. She enjoyed the tingling, but then it became unbearably burny and she had to remove it and wash off the remnants. My girlfriend has a high tolerance for pain and enjoys a little now and again, but the ginger was too much for her. This would be great for those in the BDSM community who enjoy these sensations, but I highly recommend against it for those who are not really into pain. She obviously does not want ginger anywhere near her ass.

If you enjoy the ginger on your penis or clit, I recommend placing the ginger against your anus without actually penetrating it. Place it there for a few minutes and see if you enjoy that as well. If you do enjoy it and don't mind the risk of putting foreign objects in your ass then give it a try, but be extremely careful.

I would actually recommend handling the ginger with your hands and then inserting a finger into yours or your partner's anus. This way you can get at least some of the sting without so much of the risk. Another possibility is to soak the ginger root in lube and to use the lube on a butt plug. I'm not sure if either of these would be as effective as the actual ginger root, but they would be safer.

As with any type of play that involves pain, bondage, and/or domination and submission make sure that you can trust your partner. Do NOT play with someone you don't trust completely. Also make up safewords and discuss what to do in hypothetical situations that may become uncomfortable, dangerous, or scary BEFORE you ever engage in such play. Communication is always important, but even more so when getting into this kind of play.

Anal Toys

Hey Garnet,

I was just wondering if you could write something on anal sex toys, particularly vibrators - no questions in particular, I'm just looking for an overview sort of thing. Thanks.

Well since there is no question in particular I will only be able to give a very basic overview of anal toys. If anyone is looking for something more specific you are welcome to email me questions about what you are looking for and what you have enjoyed or not enjoyed thus far.

When it comes to sex toys I have to stress the importance of quality. You really can justify spending a little more on your sex toys if you know you are going to be getting quality. Crappy sex toys break, don't work well, don't clean well, and often don't do what they really should. Some can even poison your body. Researching the companies that make and sell the toys can make a huge difference.

That being said, the things one should look for in an anal toy are pretty consistent across the board. It MUST have a flared base! This is not something you can overlook. If it does not have a flared base, it may end up getting stuck in your bum and that is a really embarrassing trip to the hospital.

Along those lines, only stick things in your butt that are made to go in your butt. This means, only sex toys for the butt should go there. Do not stick bottles, screwdrivers, flashlights, animals, small vibrators, dildos without flared bases, or anything else not intended to go up there in your butt.

Only buy anal toys that are of a good quality material. I highly recommend phthalate free silicone toys because they are hypoallergenic, non-porous (meaning bacteria can't hide in it), non-toxic, easy to clean (you can boil them, wash them with soap and water, bleach them, and they are dishwasher safe), and they last a long time. I highly recommend Tantus Silicone for all your silicone toy needs. You can find Tantus toys in many sex toy shops.

Also, do not buy anal beads that have the string in between each of the beads. That string is not easy to clean and can harbor bacteria.

If you do buy an anal toy that is not made of high quality silicone or you plan on using the toy in more than one orifice or on more than one person, use condoms and clean it often.

If you are buying a butt plug, it has to taper at the top otherwise it will be difficult to get it in unless you are very experienced. Tapered or not though, use a LOT of lube. Avoid silicone based lubes if you are using a silicone toy as they do not always react well together and avoid oil based lubes if you are using latex condoms over your toys.

When specifically looking for an anal toy that vibrates, I recommend toys that have a space for a cordless vibrating bullet. This makes toys easier to clean since you can pop out the bullet and emerse the plug or dildo in water without the worry of ruining the vibe.

If you are a beginner to anal play, always start small. You can move up later if you want, but it is more important that you don't damage the tissue in your anus by forcing a large toy in there when your anus is not ready for it.

The Risk of Analingus

Can the case ever be made for licking someone's ass without a dental dam? (and lets face it.. dental dams are pretty unpopular)
Like if you just got out of the shower...

Although I appreciate it when someone goes through the extra trouble of licking my ass, would it be better for me to just say "Hey, I haven't washed my ass since this morning and I don't know what is lurking about down there."?

I view life, including sex, as pretty risky. It is all in how much you want to risk for what. We all take risks every day and for some things we choose to limit the risks and for others we don't. Driving or riding in a car is very risky, but we limit those risks by wearing seatbelts, owning cars with airbags, and abiding by the rules of the road. Now some people like to go really fast and that is taking a risk, but to them it is worth it.

The important part is knowing what risks you're taking, feeling like the risk is worth it, and not risking others without their consent. No one should take risks if they don't fully understand what is at risk.

So, what is at risk if one licks an anus without a barrier?

- E. Coli - This is a bacteria that lives in your intestines, but can get you pretty sick if you ingest someone else's. However, if you have been together for awhile this becomes a lot lower of a risk because after awhile you start to share the same intestinal bacteria with your partner.
- Hepatitis - No fun liver disease.
- Parasites - Think worms and such.
- STIs - The same stuff you can get from any sort of unprotected sex.

The better you know your partner, the longer you've been together, and the better your hygiene the less risks there are. It is a must to jump in the shower to wash right beforehand at the very least. However, washing between your cheeks will lower the risk of E. Coli, but not necessarily the others.

So are you and your partner willing to take this risk? That is up to you and your partner. I cannot condone any type of unprotected sex, but I feel that people have to evaluate their own risks and figure out what is important to them. If the above risks are not worth it to you or your partner then use a dental dam, a cut up condom, or a piece of saran wrap.

Safer Sex for Female Couples

What safe sex methods should female couples use?

One thing I want to clarify is that there is no such thing as safe sex. All sex is risky, but so are most fun things. That is why everyone should take special precautions to have safER sex. It's like wearing a seatbelt in a car just in case you get into an accident.

Regardless of what many people seem to believe, women who have sex with women can pass STIs between each other just like any other sexually active couple/trio/etc. That being said, there are several ways that female couples can help to protect themselves. (All of these methods can also be used by heterosexual couples.)

For oral sex there are dental dams which are latex barriers which are often flavored and are spread over the vulva. Dental dams can be kind of pricey though so another option is cutting up a condom or even using saran wrap. If you do use saran wrap, make sure it is not the kind that is microwave safe as it is porous and the germies will be able to pass through it. When using a barrier like a dental dam it is best to spread lube on the side that will be on the female receiving the oral sex so that it feels more like a wet tongue than a piece of plastic. The giver can put something yummy to lick on their side too to make it more fun.

Dental dams and saran wrap can also be used for analingus aka rimming.

When manually stimulating your female partner's vulva or anus one should use latex gloves or vinyl gloves if either you or your partner has a latex allergy. Also make sure to use a lot of lube, especially during anal play.

When using sex toys, especially when sharing, it is wise to put a condom on them and change the condom whenever changing orifices. That means, change it when going from vaginal to anal, anal to vaginal, or from person to person. And don't forget the lube! It really might just be easier to get several sex toys.

A note on lube: Do not use oil based lubes like Vaseline with latex and never use them in the vagina. The only safe time to use an oil based lube is during anal play when using a non-latex barrier like polyurethane condoms or vinyl gloves.

DVDA

Here is the first question:

Is DVDA possible?

For those of you who don't know what DVDA is, it stands for Double Vaginal, Double Anal. It is when a female is doubly penetrated in both the vagina and the anus. This could be done with real cocks, strap-on cocks, dildos, or some combination of those.

I do not think it is possible with just cocks and/or strap-on cocks. The logistics of getting 4 people around one woman just doesn't seem possible. I have heard it compared to basket weaving. I have looked for it on the web and have not found any instances of it. If anyone has seen porn with it or has actually done it please let me know. I know double vaginal, single anal and single vaginal, double anal exists, but I have not seen full on DVDA. I think DVDA is just an invention of the folks who wrote Orgazmo.

The only way I see DVDA actually working is if at least one unattached dildo is thrown into the mix.

Words of warning for any type of double penetration: Friction can cause condoms to break especially if they are rubbing up against another condom or a dildo. Be extremely careful, use a LOT of lube, and take it very slowly. Also, if you feel pain do not ignore it.