Harness/Dildo Recommendations

Gotta say that I love your blog even if I'm not necessarily the intended audience.

I've got another question. I'm the "Phil" who loves to use strapons with my wife (Men Wearing Strap-ons). There are lots of strapons on the market. Lately I've settled on the Alias 6 inch vibrating strapon, occasionally using Doc Johnson a 7" vibrating strapon. But I would like to spice it up a bit and get some variety.

What strapons do you suggest? The ones designed as "hollow" don't suit as I have no erectile issues and generally don't fit inside which results in a "floppy" or not solid dildo, so I generally stay away from ones designed for men. My partner likes about the 6-7inch mark but needs it to vibrate strongly. What are your picks?

There is no one who is not my intended audience. My hope is that everyone can learn at least one new thing by reading my blog. So believe it or not Phil, you are my intended audience. And I'm very happy that you love my blog.

There are indeed a lot of strap-ons on the market and you sir are using crappy quality ones. I'm sorry to say it, but you're really getting what you're paying for. The cheap materials and lack of versatility make for bad quality sex toys. You should actually probably be using condoms with those dildos if you aren't already. Seriously, you can't really be sure whats in them. The truth is that the sex toy industry is a mostly unregulated one. Sex toys are deemed novelty items and therefore not intended to be put in your body. Awful, right?

So I can give you my recommendations, but they may end up costing you a pretty penny. But the good news is that the stuff I can recommend is going to last you a lot longer, will be a lot more body safe, and more versatile.

You shouldn't buy a strap-on, you should buy a harness and a dildo which ends up equaling a strap-on. You should be purchasing a harness that is compatible with many dildos. That way you can vary the cocks without having to have a million and one harnesses. Also, its a lot easier to take care of them if you can separate them. And let me just say that vac-u-lock sucks. Lets just get that out there. They use crappy materials and its basically a trick so you only buy their products since only one company makes them. *breathes*

Okay, that's been said. Now what I would recommend for a male bodied individual would be the Commando Harness because it leaves room for your junk and because its super versatile and comfy. It comes with 2 different sized O-rings that will hold your super fantastic new strap-on dildo(s). Another option would be the Crown Harness which sits higher up and out of the way of your junk. This one comes with 3 different O-rings which will allow for quite the variety in size of dildo. Or, if you're anti-leather you can try the Velvet Harness. The cushy backplate comes off easily in order to accommodate more space for your junk. Plus its nylon so it will be a bit easier to take care of.

Now for dildos you really want to be looking for one made out of silicone. They are a bit pricier but they will last a looooong time. Some of them even have lifetime warranties. They're also non-porous which means bacteria won't harbor in them and it is a body safe material. This translates to you not needing to use a condom with these bad boys. They are a-ok! Some options of vibrating silicone dildos:

• Buzz is a sleek purple silicone dildo measuring 6.5"x1.5"
• Echo is textured for some more interesting sensations. Size-wise it is the same as Buzz
• Prince is also a smooth silicone dildo, but the hole in the bottom where the vibe goes is bigger than the previously mentioned ones, which makes this one more versatile for using with other vibrators. Prince is also the same size as the previous two.
  
• Pink Panther is a smooth silicone dildo that looks nothing like a cock if you're interested in that. It is also a bit shorter and thinner than the previous dildos measuring in at 6"x1.25"
• Leo is a bit heftier of a cock measuring in at 7.125"x1.5." Leo is a very popular model and resembles a penis a bit more than the other dildos I've mentioned so far. I feel like he may actually a bit girthier than the measurements say though.
  
• Woody is fabulous in red and also looks more like a real penis than some of the others. This guy is a pretty standard 6.5"x1.5"

  All of these dildos come with a vibrator although they're not particularly strong vibes. One of my fellow sex bloggers, Red, recently reviewed a really powerful bullet that is the same size as the standard watch battery vibe that comes with all the above dildos, but is more powerful. Check out her review here. The one thing to keep in mind though is that while it would be more convenient to pull the bullet out of the dildo by its cord, that will shorten its life by a lot so it is inadvisable.

The thing is, is that bullet vibe is extremely expensive. I honestly haven't seen any bullet vibes that are that pricey (granted I don't spend much time looking at bullet vibes), but it seems a bit ridiculous. So what I'm thinking is that the regular vibe that comes with the dildo might be okay if your wife held a vibe on her clit while you're doing her. Not too many women need strong vibrations in their vagina unless they're not receiving clitoral stimulation. There are tons of vibrators on the market so its difficult to give recommendations since I don't really know what your wife likes. But luckily Babeland has a great guide for choosing a vibrator. But let me know if you need any more specific recommendations.

Thigh Harness Review

Babeland sent me a thigh harness ages ago! I swear I haven't been slacking. Its just taken me awhile to figure out how I like to use it. Because at first it just wasn't doing it for me, but with something that is so extremely different from what you are used to, it can be totally worth it to continue exploring until you figure it out.

The thigh harness is made by Sportsheets out of neoprene. To use it, the wearer slips a dildo through the hole from the underside and then wraps the harness around their thigh, securing it with velcro. And then a happy person takes that cock for a ride.

Downsides:

• Only comes in one size so if you're a bigger person you may find it difficult to wear. My thigh is 26 inches and I wasn't able to wear the harness as high up as I would've liked.

• Can wear on the knees to have someone bouncing up and down on your leg really hard.

• Doesn't protrude from the crotchal parts so there is no real genital stimulation going on from the cock riding.

Upsides:

• Doesn't protrude from the crotchal parts so you are left wide open for your partner's hands or whatever to be stimulated by them.

• Great for those with limited movement or hard to reach crotchal areas. In other words, if you're fucking in a wheelchair, sometimes its easier to hop up and down on their thigh than try to figure out where your legs go in order to get you to their pelvis.

• Great for men with ED or who have a lady/man who just plum wears them out and they need a cock substitute.

• Can be totally hot to watch your partner get him/herself off while you watch!

• You can wear one on each thigh and please two people at once!

• Its machine washable.

So when I first tried this harness out I was disappointed, but that's because I found that I didn't like to use it in traditional pelvis harness ways. It actually feels a little ridiculous some of the time. Especially if the wearer is on top and just moving their leg back and forth. One just longs for the crotch stimulation for the wearer as well.

But then I gave it some thought and decided to try it during Domination/submission play. That turned out to be more my style! There are times when I don't allow any access to my body to my sub except for my feet … if she begs. By having her ride my thigh, there is the guarantee that I won't be getting any physical stimulation, although plenty of mental. And it affords me the luxury of having to do less work with my arthritic hands. Because it can be difficult to fuck someone with a dildo or your hand after you've just spent time beating them.

So if you decide to try out the thigh harness, don't give up. Try it with different positions and different types of play. I bet you'll be able to find a way to incorporate it and make sex more fun.

Packing Strap

Babeland recently sent us a packing strap made by Aslan Leather. A packing strap is used to keep the bulge in place by transmen, genderqueers, drag kings, and those who like to play around with gender (including just dressing up for Rocky Horror). Because the last thing you want is for your cock to fall down your pant leg. The strap is specifically made to work with the Mr. Right packer, but also works with a Soft Pack which is a lot cheaper. However, from the reviews I've read, I've gathered that the soft pack may be more likely to fall out of a packing strap than Mr. Right.

For this review I enlisted the help of my awesomely handsome wife since she has a bit more packing experience than I do. And without further ado, here she is with her input:

I don’t often wear a soft pack. In the past when I wanted that certain bulge, I simply wore my packie inside my underwear. While it stayed put for the most part – though I had to take care to hold on to it when using the restroom – I was constantly on high alert for an embarrassing slippage accident. The arrival of the Aslan Leather harness was a chance to send my worst fears packing (yes, that pun was intended).

This harness was the first I’ve ever used. It took me a few minutes to realize that only the balls of the packie would be held by the harness. The dick was free to swing and sway until the moment I pulled up my drawers. While I liked the freedom of movement, I felt that without the support of the underwear, the packie might eventually fall forward out of the harness. A better design would perhaps include an elastic o-ring that could reign in the penis, as it is the major center of mass for my packie. A harness that simply holds onto the balls makes the whole thing feel rather top-heavy. However, the worry that I could eventually have a flop-out might have been paranoia, as I used the restroom while wearing it and was pleased to see that I no longer had to designate one hand to hold my detachable bits.

The waist strap was comfortable. It was a simple wide elastic band, and I was pleased to find that the size I received fit around my waist with almost no stretching of the elastic – it was snug enough to not move around, but loose enough that I couldn’t feel it once I was dressed. After dressing and spending a few minutes walking and jumping to test the effectiveness of the harness, I felt supremely confident that the packie would stay where I wanted it. I was able to go about my day and eventually forget that I was packing – at least until I caught my own reflection or the eye of my wife.

Overall, I found that wearing the harness was vastly superior to going without one. If you regularly soft pack, I would recommend picking up one of these if you don’t already have one. For those of you like me who pack very infrequently, the low price point makes this purchase easy on the wallet and definitely worth the cost.

The Good, The Bad, and The Beautiful

Since for some reason you people still aren't sending me questions (all time high subscriber rate and yet no questions!?!?) I'm going to try something new here. I'd prefer to create reader-inspired content, but without that I had to come up with my own ideas for new stuff.

Working at a sex shop and trying to become a sex educator involves a lot of reading of sex ed books, watching of porn, using of toys, and in general trying to learn as much as possible. While I do this I am bound to come across great things and I'm bound to come across ... well not so great things. So today I give you:

The Good, The Bad, and The Beautiful (we don't believe in ugly sex here)

The Good: I just finished watching an incredible porn that has won lots of awards and Violet Blue apparently has raved about. So maybe I'm a little behind the times and you all already know about it. But in case you don't, you should really check out The Bi Apple. Here is a porn that has it all! We're talking real attractive bodies, people of color, real bisexuality (not just women's), real pleasure, good quality sex toys, strap-ons, male-male, male-female, female-female, and male-male-female sex. It also features some negotiation, which is pretty non-existent in mainstream porn. They are telling each other how they like it. One of the best pornos that I've seen and really the only one of its kind that I have seen thus far. Keeping in mind though that I didn't have too much experience with porn videos before I started my job at Early to Bed.

And here is the trailer for The Bi Apple:



The Bad:

I read sex ed books quite often and a lot of the information is good, but sometimes I come across some misinformation. I would hate for people to see this and think that it is accurate so I want to share some misinformation I found recently.

I grew up on The Guide to Getting it On. My mom "hid" a copy of the first edition in the bookshelf for me when I was pretty young. She understood that I probably had a lot of questions about the how-to's of sex that I would never ask her and she preferred I got that information from a reliable source instead of what the kids were saying on the playground. Go Sex Positive Mom! Well The Guide has been so popular that it is now more than twice its original size and is in its 5th edition. I read the 4th edition several years ago, but now reading the 5th edition and knowing so much more than I used to know I'm finding flaws. This book is VERY heterosexual and I feel like it doesn't need to be.

I have a few other issues with it as well, but we'll get right down to the nitty gritty of it here. The wonderful lube connoisseur, Metis Black of Tantus Silicone, told me that the chapter on lube was not very good so I kept her words in mind as I read through it. She was right; it isn't very good. In fact at one point they give straight up misinformation. On page 108 the book states "Most silicone lubes are water-based, which means you can use them with latex condoms." Yes, you can use silicone-based lubes with condoms but not because they are water-based. They aren't water-based, they are silicone-based. Hence why they are called that. You can use silicone-based lubricants with condoms because they aren't oil-based. Oil-based lubricants will deteriorate latex condoms.

Sometimes you will find hybrids out there that combine water-based and silicone-based lubes but that's a different story entirely. Sliquid Silk is an example of this.

Even though The Guide has these flaws I still strongly recommend it to heterosexuals because it is very well written and has a lot of really great information in it.

The Beautiful:

Erotic Nature photos by David Steinberg are amazing. They feature real couples having real sex. I love looking into their faces and seeing the desire, the love, and the fun. He even has a section on sex and disability, which seems completely absent from a lot of other artists' work.

Menage a Trois Fantasy Kit

Time again for another Babeland kit review. This time I will be talking about the Menage a Trois Fantasy Kit which consists of a thong-style nylon-strapped harness that allows for double penetration (that is penetration of a woman's vagina and anus at the same time) and a Tantus red silicone dildo. The set also includes several metal o-rings of different sizes and one rubber o-ring.

First, lets talk about the harness. It is a nylon harness which means that it is pretty easy to care for and easy to adjust. The packaging says that the harness fits up to 60" hips. It is a thong style harness, which I was a bit disappointed by. I prefer the two strap style (or jock strap style as it is sometimes called) because it does not go up my ass crack. Now some people may enjoy having their genitals and ass crack rubbed by a thin piece of nylon strap, but I am definitely not one of them. I find that it causes irritation. No biggie though, I just wore my underwear under the harness to improve my level of comfort. Now the cool thing about the harness is that it can be worn by a man or a woman. The o-rings double as a cock ring for men or you can just slip another dildo in there if you are a woman. Your partner will have to be female-bodied for it to work effectively though.

The dildo that comes with it is silicone and made by Tantus which makes high quality sex toys. It measures 5" x 1-1/8", which is probably too big for someone who is just starting out, but would be great for someone with intermediate or expert level experience. Either way though, you should warm your partner up first with a finger or a smaller butt toy before sticking this one in.

Now while I usually put a lot of faith in Tantus products I have to say that this dildo does not meet my high standards for them. There are just a couple flaws in this dildo (not sure if they all come like this or if I was just unlucky) that I was unhappy with. First of all, the base is not completely flat on the bottom. It is slightly rounded, which isn't a big deal, but for me is a bit of a hassle. After I clean a sex toy and before I begin to use it I like to be able to stand it up on its base to keep it away from any surfaces which may have germs, dust, etc on them. When the base is not completely flat, the toy tends to tip over. Not impossible to work around, but annoying just the same. The second flaw is barely worth mentioning, but is still not the quality that I have come to expect from Tantus. The dildo has a bump and a couple of dimples on the head of it. Normally I see completely smooth dildos from Tantus. Despite these flaws though I am happy that it is a silicone dildo so that it is easy to sanitize, which is especially important for any toys going up the butt.

I don't know about this claim of feeling like you're having a menage a trois. I think that is a bit ridiculous, but if you or your partner enjoys hands-free double penetration then this toy is great. So far I've only tried it in the doggy-style position, which is what is recommended on the Babeland site, but it worked really well and the dildos seemed to be spaced perfectly for double penetration. The only real downside to this type of toy is that changing positions is a bit cumbersome since you can't switch from doggy to missionary or vice versa without switching dildos washing things off, or changing condoms.

There is one thing that I would have added to this kit that I'm actually surprised that Babeland does not include. Many of their other kits seem to come with a lubricant, but this one does not, which is surprising since it involves anal play which requires lube. Possibly reasoning for this would be that if you're using this kit you probably already have experience with anal sex and therefore have a lube of your own. I still think a sample of a nice thick lube like Maximus would have been a nice touch though.

Lesbian Porn

Garnet,

Ok, I watched "The Crash Pad" and I think it was really hot. The only thing I don't understand is the top/butch/not sure what to call them in the scenes just seemed to wear the strap on and didn't really get anything back as far as vaginal stimulation. Is this typical as far as real lesbian sex or just a porn thing?

A little background information first: This question was written to me by a straight male who frequents one of the same message boards that I do. I had previously given a recommendation for anyone who wanted to see real lesbian porn to check out The Crashpad from Pink & White Productions. This was their first film (I made the recommendation a really long time ago) and I was very impressed by it. They have continued to impress me with amazingly sexy real lesbian porn. I highly recommend all of their films. If you're like me you're extremely tired of what I call "straight lesbo porn" where girls with long nails and fake breasts barely touch each other.

And now on to the answer ...
I actually had to rewatch this one since I hadn't seen it in awhile and you're right, it seems that the more masculine presenting women were giving more than receiving. I'm not sure if the film was planned out that way or if it just happened that way, but it does seem that in each scene only one person cums. This is neither typical nor atypical for lesbian sex or porn. Sometimes only one person is receiving direct clitoral/vaginal stimulation, sometimes partners will take turns, sometimes they're both stimulating each other at once. It really depends on the couple, on the situation, and the mood. But don't be deceived here either. Just because one person isn't receiving direct stimulation doesn't mean that they aren't very much enjoying themselves. The visual and mental aspect of fucking someone with a strap-on is extremely erotic and pleasurable. The brain is, after all, the biggest sex organ in the human body. But when a female-bodied person wears a strap-on clitoral stimulation is achieved through the action of humping, which may or may not lead to orgasm. Either way though both (or more) are probably enjoying themselves very much.