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Best Lesbian Erotica 2009

Babeland sent me the newest in the Best Lesbian Erotica series recently. Now I have no experience reading the previous years of erotica and I'll admit that I'm hardly an avid reader of erotica in general because I do most of my reading on public transit. I really need one of those fabric book covers so I don't have to be embarrassed by the overtly sexual images on the cover. But given all this, I still have to say that I was a bit disappointed.

Sure the stories were often very hot. But there just wasn't enough variety for me. This was not lesbian erotica, this was butch/femme erotica. A lot of times I really felt as if this could have been hetero erotica, but instead of just saying cock they would add a descriptor like silicone or cyberskin. And while I love a good hot butch/femme sex story, I would really love to see more than just that. Give me some butch on butch love, some femme on femme, where are the genderqueers and the trannyboys? I NEED more variety! So call the book what it is: Butch/Femme erotica, not the best lesbian erotica of 2009. Because I am sure there are TONS of hot stories involving queer ladies of all kinds.

However, I must say that I did enjoy the fact that there were women of different ages,sizes, shapes, and colors in the book. And I always enjoy it when any type of porn or erotica references a sex toy that I have. In one story they used a Feeldoe!

One thing to keep in mind if you are considering this book is that it also has a lot of BDSM and some foot/shoe worship. If this is not your thing then I suggest skipping it. If it is your thing then there are definitely some really hot stories in here for you.

But for my money the hottest story in the whole book was the real one that Tristan Taormino shares in the intro. Hot damn! But then again when its real people really getting it on it just goes a lot further for me. That and Tristan is totally hot and smart.

Homophobia and the Media

I really enjoy watching the media tackle homophobia (especially since most of the time it seems to just support the status quo) and here are two recent examples that made me happy.

Staff writer at the Washington Post, Hank Stuever, tackles the question "Why can't a kiss just be a kiss?". It is about the obsession of asking straight male actors about their onscreen gay kisses and their often homophobic responses. Apparently a straight man kissing another man is so disgusting that it makes actors oscar worthy if they do it.

And here is another example that just ... well tickled me pink. I mean I've always loved John Stewart, but now I have an even bigger reason to love him. Watch as he asks Mike Huckabee about same-sex marriage.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Mike Huckabee Pt. 2

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Awesome, right?

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"That's So Gay"

Something that drives me absolutely crazy is when people say "that's so gay" when referring to something they think is dumb. It is offensive and hurts me a little every time I hear it. I try to get people to stop, but I often find that they don't even understand why it is offensive. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way so it is great to see that there are now ads trying to convince teens to stop using the phrase. Check them out:

Looking for Lovely Ladies

Hello! Long time reader (love your blog), long time E2B shopper, and first time emailer.

I am a bisexual woman in the suburbs of Chicago. I realized this when I was 12, but have limited experience due to limited opportunities. Specifically, I have no idea where to meet women. I am in my 20s, and I am fine with bars, but there seems to be a lack of lesbian-themed in Chicago. I would prefer suburbs, since the Metra only runs till 12:40 am; however, I would travel to the city if that is the only place women interested in women hang out. Where does one go to find interesting women in the suburbs?

Signed,
My Gay-Dar is Such Shit Anyways

This is a question I've heard a lot and actually asked myself on numerous occasions. It can be really difficult to meet women especially when you aren't part of the queer community already. This seems to be the cry of the bisexual woman mostly because 1) men are soooo easy to find and 2) lesbians often have a negative knee jerk reaction to bisexual women. So what is a bi girl to do?

Well that really all depends on what you're in to, but as it turns out there are actually lots of places to meet sexy eligible women who love women. The hardest part is learning how to talk to them! And since you're already an E2B shopper you may know that they have a workshop called Flirting For Nerds which can really help in that department.

Here are some great resources that I've found:
- OutintheSuburbs.com is a resource for LGBT individuals in the Chicago burbs that lists all kinds of things from news events to gay bars and who frequents them to church groups and brunches.
- Look for meetups online. I found this Chicago Lesbian Brunch Group with just a quick search. There are even meetup groups for lesbians who ride scooters!
- There are several bars that have lesbian nights: OUTDanced Tuesday at Funky Buddha, Dirty Girl Thursdays at Lakeview Broadcasting Company, and Chix Mix often throws parties at Circuit so get on their mailing list.
- Unlike the gay boy bars, the bars lesbians tend to go to are often not really advertised as lesbian bars. It helps to have friends in the queer community so you can find out the in on these places. Andersonville is a great neighborhood for scoping out chicks. There are several bars there where women who love women hang out including T's, Stargaze, and Atmosphere. There are a couple bars in the BoysTown neighborhood that aren't just for the boys including Spin, Berlin, and The Closet.
- Andersonville is also host to a feminist bookstore called Women and Children First which can be a great place to pick up the cute geeky feminist women. You can also check this store as well as E2B and other women-centered stores for fliers for upcoming events.
- Besides just meetup.com there are other places on the internet to find sexy ladies. There are dating sites, blog sites, networking sites, etc. Get creative! I met my fiance through a public transportation community on livejournal.com
- Burlesque shows can be a great place not only to see sexy women seductively taking off their clothes but also to meet women. Queer women seem to just adore burlesque and it is pretty easy to find in Chicago. I've found this site to be very useful when looking for upcoming burlesque shows in Chicago. If you're feeling daring you could even do burlesque yourself! I can't imagine anything sexier than being hit on by a hot lady in sequin pasties.
- Join a sports team. It is true what they say about dykes, they love their softball and rugby! You may even be able to find a GLBT team.

Good luck and remember to have fun while you're out on the prowl for ladies!

Hanky Code

Garnet,
Do lesbians really do this: Lesbian Flagging Codes?

This is usually called the hanky code and while some lesbians may use it, it seems to be most popular amongst gay men and the BDSM community. The idea is that you wear a handkerchief or bandana on your wrist or in your back pocket with whatever type of sex play you are interested in for the evening. This can make things a bit easier if you are a kinkster on the prowl and want to up your possibilities of participating in something specific and very kinky that night. Imagine if you had to flirt with every bar patron for 20 minutes each just to find out that only one or two were interested in the same kinks you are. This saves you time!

Some bars will even have special nights dedicated to the hanky code where patrons are encouraged to wear their kinks on their sleeve, or butt as it were.

I say it is a win, win! Not only do you get to figure out what your potential play partners are into, you have an excuse to check out their ass too.

Studies of Homosexuality

The science world has been coming out with a lot of different studies about the biological differences between heterosexuals and homosexuals in an attempt to better understand how and why (biologically) homosexuality occurs in humans. Some of these studies include:

- Different brain sizes
- Sexually antagonistic selection
- Birth order

I think it is very important to study sexuality and not just homosexuality, but all types. However, there are also things one should keep in mind when reading or talking about these studies. Because while I think science can be a wonderful thing, it can also be subject to cultural and personal biases. Recently a strong intelligent feminist woman, Susan Skoog, put it very well in response to the article about different brain sizes (copied with her permission):

"There are some major problems with sexuality studies like this.

1. When neurologists try to determine once and for all the "innate" causes of sexuality, they don't realize the culturally-dependent framework they're using. That is, what do "gay" and "straight" mean to the researchers? How do they determine "gay" brains in the sample? By the self-reported preference of the subjects? By a survey of sexual behaviors over time? By their "deviance" from "straight" behavior? By their measured response to sexual stimuli?

All of these criteria are contingent upon subjective reflection and agreement upon terms (totally valid in the social sciences and in our personal sexual lives, but NOT in the realm of biological research.) For example, am I a lesbian if I have slept with women in the past year? The past 10 years? Or if I have never slept with one, but they turn me on? Or if (like the radicalesbians of the 1970s) I identify politically with women-loving-women? Who gets to say?

(referencing a point made earlier by someone else) I second the point about bisexuality. In every study I've read, bisexuality has been made invisible or given short shrift by being lumped into the study samples as "straight" or "gay" depending on the researcher. If bi means gay, we have a problem.

This philosophizing about "what is gay?" may at first seem like splitting hairs, but unless we can create objective operational definitions about sexual orientation, there's no way to do science about it.

Sexual tastes are not static entities-- everyone's sexuality develops and becomes enriched throughout life, and may even contradict itself. One person may go through many labels. To some people, their orientation has always been rock-solid. Others wrestle to develop/discover themselves more slowly. Still others refuse to define themselves at all. Are scientists going to look for the biological underpinnings of each of these?

Sexuality is much more than gender-choice; it's layered like an onion. Which is not to say that sexuality may be willfully changed either. I see no evidence to support anyone forcing themselves or others out of their sexuality.

2. Many of the brain studies (such as Simon LeVay's hypothalamic region study, and others' explorations of hormonal balances) sought to look for the ways in which male homosexuals' brains were "feminized." This confuses gender identity/expression with sexual preference and is dangerously unscientific.

3. Much of the sexuality research of the past 125 years has been focused on finding the biological quality separating gay people from everyone else. Straight brains are the controls in these studies--this is a big problem. When so little research has been performed on "straight" brains to find out how they tick sexually, how can we look at homosexuality without reducing it to an aberration from straightness? This reinforces the conception that all queerness is a flawed version of "normal" sexual response, as if there was such a thing.

I believe these sex researchers, for the most part, have good intentions, but their methods are inadequate, and their biases go unexamined. This is with the marked exception of the homophobic and transphobic Dr. Michael Bailey, who has stated publicly that if scientists could find the cause of homosexuality, he would strive to cure it."

Whether or not you agree with all of her points, it is important to keep each of them in mind when you read studies like these. Critical thinking is a much needed skill that many people seem to no longer employ when scientists or journalists start talking.

Genderblind Flies

Here is our first submission by a PhD candidate studying genetics. She has chosen to remain anonymous for professional reasons. Anyone who wants to submit an article to me is more than welcome to do this. Enjoy!

Mate selection is a complex process in humans, as well as in Drosophila melanogaster, the fruit fly. In order to successfully reproduce, it is vital that one sex be able to identify a receptive member of the other. For flies, courtship rituals allow males to make this determination. This courtship involves physical contact that enables the courting male to assess his intended for repellant pheromone signals (those carried by other males and females that have already been mated), as well as a species-specific song created by wing vibrations, and additional pheromone sampling by oral-genital contact. In other words: a few rounds of fly foreplay. If the fly receiving these advances is successfully seduced, copulation may be attempted.

The Featherstone lab recently published a paper describing an increase in homosexual behavior by male flies. These flies had mutations in a gene they named genderblind. These mutant flies aren’t strictly homosexual. Whereas wild-type flies would always chose to mate with a female fly instead of a male fly when given equal choice between the two, the genderblind flies chose the male fly with the same frequency and intensity as the female fly. These results do not show that the flies preferred to mate with males flies – rather, it shows that the flies were unable to differentiate between male and female flies.

The genderblind mutation led to lower amounts of the genderblind protein being present in regions of the brain that are involved in pheromone sensing and response. They found that the amount of genderblind present inversely correlated with male-male mating attempts.

After a series of experiments, they concluded that the genderblind phenotype (the increase in homosexual behavior) was caused by an altered response to chemosensory stimuli. In particular, the mutant flies seemed unable to detect the normally inhibitory pheromones that male flies carry. They further showed that a drug which mimicked the effects of the genderblind mutation caused wild-type flies to exhibit a similar increase in male-male mating attempts. Restoring wild-type levels of genderblind in mutant flies returned their sexual behavior to that of wild-type. Both of these effects could be seen hours after the treatments, showing that it was the current brain chemistry that was causing the behavior, not a result of their developmental process.

It turned out that the increase in homosexual courtship was ultimately due to a reduction in the brain’s levels of extracellular glutamate. The normal excess of glutamate in the brain acts to desensitize the glutamate receptors, which in then reduces the glutamergic synapse strength. However, in genderblind flies, their reduction in extracellular glutamate led to an overall increase of the synapse strength of the glutamate receptors. This led to flies that overreacted to the chemical signaling in their brains.

Perhaps as a result to their overreaction to chemical stimuli, the flies attempted heterosexual as well as homosexual courtship at a higher frequency than wild-type flies. The genderblind flies also showed an increase in ectopic courtship – attempted copulation with nonsexual body parts, like heads. It may be that genderblind mutants are less sexually inhibited in general, not only in terms of homosexual behavior.

For flies as well as all forms of life, the reproductive drive is among the strongest impulses in nature. It could be that there are entire systems of suppression that have evolved to attempt to narrow the list of possible sexual partners to those which are most likely to produce offspring.

When I first heard about the paper the Featherstone lab had published, I was worried. I had feared that their results could lead to homosexuality being once again thought of as a disease or a lifestyle choice. After all, didn’t the paper show that drug treatment could curb it and return the flies to heterosexual behaviors? And clearly, the effects of the genderblind mutations were defects – they represented a behavior that is only found when something is wrong with the animal. I was waiting to begin hearing the religious right or similar groups start holding this research up as proof that no one is hardwired in their sexual orientation, that homosexuality is unnatural. That instead of being recognized as just another form of variety among the human species, it would be thought of as a treatable condition. With visions of an uncomfortable (if not worse) future, I felt more than just a little fear when I began to read the article.

Thankfully, after reading it, I felt relieved. The experiments they used were very straight-forward, and the results were stated as they were observed. They made no claims that their findings would apply to humans. One of the major reasons that flies are chosen as experimental models is their relative simplicity. Humans have significantly more complex genetics. We also have the undeniable influence of a very well-developed culture. Because of this, I do not believe that any sexual orientation issues will be able to be reduced to a single gene, or even a handful of genes. Our genes represent a starting point for what makes each one of us unique. They can give us predispositions and their own set of influences, but even those do not necessarily dictate the path of our lives.

Same-Sex Marriage

Today I went to see openly gay Rep. Greg Harris of the Illinois General Assembly speak. He is responsible for the introduction of House Bill 1826 which is titled "The Illinois Religious Freedom Protection and Civil Union Act" which basically states that same-sex couples would be granted the right to civil unions which are the same as marriage in all but name, but religious groups can continue to not bless these marriages if they would prefer not to. With same-sex civil unions in such a close grasp in Illinois I can't help but feel the need to share my opinion on this hot issue.

The same-sex marriage debate is a popular one these days, but only two sides are really being voiced. Either you're for it because you feel that gay couples deserve the same rights as straight couples or you're against it because homosexuality is a sin or disgusting or whathaveyou.

There is a very important third opinion not getting voiced here. This opinion is that we shouldn't be fighting for gay marriage. It is the wrong fight and it is too specific to the LGB community (I'm specifically leaving T out because I don't think the rights of T folks are really getting acknowledged in the popular debate). We need to think of the bigger picture. What we should be fighting for are the rights of all types of families. This includes conjugal families, but also extends to grandparents caring for grandchildren, roommates, friends, extended families living under the same roof, those who choose to take care of their sick or dying relatives or friends, etc. Why is it that only married couples get these rights? Shouldn't all families get them? In this day and age the nuclear family is becoming less and less common and the laws and benefits need to be shaped around the real American family not some ridiculous conservative "family values" ideal. This real American family lives together and cares for one another emotionally, spiritually, mentally, financially, and physically. These are the real ideals that should be strived for in a family, not just sexual and/or blood relations.

All of the countries that have legalized same-sex marriage/unions have no real rights that go along with marriage. It wasn't a big deal to give same-sex couples the right to marry because everyone already had those rights already. But in the US we like to do things backwards. What we should really be fighting for right now is universal health care. That is going to get us and everyone else a little closer to the equality that we supposedly seek.

The marginalized need to stop fighting for things that only affect their one community. We need to work together for the greater good. In fighting for same-sex marriage we are alienating a lot of people who have much more pressing needs. In fighting together for the equality of every type of family we fight for everyone in our country. This would encompass same-sex marriage and any other type of family unit that is formed.

In fighting for same-sex marriage we are just widening the gap between acceptable types of family units and unacceptable ones. There will continue to be a hierarchy where nuclear families are at the top.

Now I want you to also keep in mind that this makes me a hypocrite. I want to marry my girlfriend one day and I will even if I can't do so legally. However, if I can legally marry her then I will be very happy to do so. But even if I do marry her in Illinois my marriage would still not be valid in most other states and I still don't receive any federal benefits. So once again we come back to the need for universal rights for all types of families.

*steps down off her soapbox*

If anyone is interested in reading more about this third side to the debate I encourage them to check out BeyondMarriage.org.