Thursday, July 31, 2008

Hanky Code

Garnet,
Do lesbians really do this: Lesbian Flagging Codes?


This is usually called the hanky code and while some lesbians may use it, it seems to be most popular amongst gay men and the BDSM community. The idea is that you wear a handkerchief or bandana on your wrist or in your back pocket with whatever type of sex play you are interested in for the evening. This can make things a bit easier if you are a kinkster on the prowl and want to up your possibilities of participating in something specific and very kinky that night. Imagine if you had to flirt with every bar patron for 20 minutes each just to find out that only one or two were interested in the same kinks you are. This saves you time!

Some bars will even have special nights dedicated to the hanky code where patrons are encouraged to wear their kinks on their sleeve, or butt as it were.

I say it is a win, win! Not only do you get to figure out what your potential play partners are into, you have an excuse to check out their ass too.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Size Obsession

This has been pretty big news lately so many of you may have already heard about this, but I think it is so fabulous that it needs to be written about again and again until people really get the point. Keira Knightley, the second highest paid actress in Hollywood, has put her foot down and told studios that she does NOT want her breasts digitally enhanced in her new movie's publicity photos. She says she's very happy with the breasts she has. For more info and a video that interviews feministing's Courtney Martin click on the picture below.



And for even more American size obsession check out Vagzilla! on Scarleteen.com for a humorous and educational take on genital size.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Nipples!

I was wondering why women's nipples ranged from different kinds of sensitivity/insensitivity. I realize that it may have to do with the nerve endings, but do they have any relation to breast size? Is nipple insensitivity more dominate in large-breasted women? Why is it that men typically have less sensitivity than women? How can men/women increase their nipple sensitivity? Would this be something that you would even recommend?

You were right on the first point, nipple sensitivity pretty much has to do with nerve endings. There is no correlation between nipple sensitivity and breast size or sex/gender.

Now there may be other things going on here though. A woman with large breasts may have dated several people who loved her breasts and gave them a lot of attention. Having the same spots touched over and over can desensitize them for awhile. In this case it can be nice to teasingly avoid such areas. Nibble, suck, lick, caress, etc every other part of her breast except for her nipples. Spend more time on the rest of her body. You'll often find that if you are avoiding one spot, that spot becomes the center of attention and that is all this large breasted woman will be thinking about. "Oh god when is he/she/ze/they going to get to my nipples!?! They're aching to be touched!" And well that can just be all kinds of fun, but discuss it first with your partner.

I am especially interested in the fact that you brought up men's nipples. Men's nipples are just as sensitive as women's. They have pretty much all the same wiring there. A nipple is a nipple is a nipple. What it comes down to is that somehow we got it in our heads that nipples were only sensitive to women and god forbid a man like something that women like. That would somehow make him less of a man. The same argument is made for men liking anal play and how only gay men enjoy that. Really, sexual pleasure is not tied to any of these things. We like what we like and it isn't based on sexual orientation or sex (as long as we're using the generic term genitals anyways). So guys, get over yourselves and just enjoy the pleasure and stop asking if it makes you less of a man. It makes you more of a man to have the courage to let go and just enjoy. And hey I've known a few very muscular macho men who would take a good long nipple suck and nibble over a blow job any day. But just like women, there are also men who don't get much enjoyment out of nipple play. So if you aren't sure, ask.

There are ways to make nipples more sensitive, yes. One was the way I listed above about teasing. Another way is to have your nipples pierced. A lot of people report their nipple sensitivity increasing with pieces of metal in them. Some get increased sensitivity through nipple clamps or pumps. However, this doesn't necessarily mean that increased sensitivity feels good. It could also just feel painful. If you or your partner's nipples just aren't that sensitive, don't worry about it. I'm sure you can find other places on your bodies that elicit the response you want.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

I'm Looking For a Man


There has been a lot of buzz around men's prostates lately and since I do not have one and nor does my partner I feel like I'm missing out on all the really good info. There has especially been a lot of buzz around the Aneros and I want to hear about how great it really is.

So dear readers please write in and tell me your experiences with the Aneros and remember I want detail! I would also be willing to purchase an Aneros MGX for one special male reader who has some experience with butt play and is a good writer. If you'd be interested in this deal send me a writing sample reviewing something else sexual like condoms or cock rings or even lube. If I like your style and think you'd write a good review then I'll send an Aneros your way. I don't care what your sexual orientation or gender identity is, but you MUST have a prostate and feel comfortable writing openly about sex. I would also prefer someone who is having sex relatively regularly and not just with themselves. Starving artists who really want an awesome expensive butt toy, but just can't afford it are encouraged to apply.

Send reviews to garnetjoyce at gmail dot com.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Edible Body Paint


I'm back and I had a very wonderful and sexy vacation! I also learned something. Almost 6 months ago I wrote a blog called People Who Like To Eat Stuff Off of Each Other where I ranted about how dumb it is to buy edible sex stuff. I did give one exception to the rule, which was honey dust.

After my oh so sexy vacation, I have to give another exception to the rule. The store I work at, Early to Bed, recently started carrying a new body paint, Colore Moi Strawberry, that actually tastes REALLY good! All of us sex educators were amazed at the taste of this stuff and even joked about having it for dessert after our lunch breaks.

So I picked some of this strawberry flavored paint up for our super sexy romantic vacation so we could try it on more than just a finger at the store. It is a little difficult to work with because it is so thick, but it is opaque unlike most body paints. And it tasted just damn good especially when mixed with champagne.

This stuff is still not ok to put anywhere near a vulva and may leave you a little sticky afterwards, but unlike stuff you can buy at the grocery store, this stuff also doesn't have that super syrupy fake strawberry taste. It actually tastes like real strawberries. It is definitely on the pricey side, but one tube should last you awhile as long as you don't start eating it directly out of the container (a more difficult task than one might imagine).

So if you are the kind of person who likes to eat stuff off of your partner then definitely pick a tube of this stuff up. I highly recommend the strawberry flavor, but be warned that the peppermint tastes like toothpaste.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Romantic Weekend Away


I'm going out of town this weekend to celebrate my anniversary with my wonderful fiance so no updates from me this weekend. I have been banned from using the internet except to check the weather and find good local restaurants. I'm sure we'll have a great time.

Some good news: I found out that I was wrong about those Babeland sale dates. Vixen Creations Dildos are 20% off through the rest of July! That's a good deal. Vixen Creations makes some of the highest quality silicone dildos. I recently picked up Raquel and I can't wait to try her on vacation! I bought some other goodies as well, which you may be hearing about in the future.

I hope you all have a fantastic weekend! I know I will!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Unable to Orgasm with a Partner

I am a 19 year old female and I want to know: Why can I get myself off, but find myself unable to orgasm when with a partner? No matter how good, or how long, or whatever else have you... they just can't seem to get me off. How frustrating!

19 is young and a lot of women haven't even had their first orgasm by themselves by that age. It takes a lot of women longer to figure out their bodies than it does men because in this society we are taught that good girls don't have sexual feelings and don't touch themselves. And also because men's genitals are all out there and they touch them several times a day just to pee. So yay you for being able to orgasm from masturbation!

But now that you've figured out what makes you orgasm (i.e. what kinds of touches, sensations, and fantasies) its time to take that with you into the bedroom. You can't give all of the responsibility of your orgasm to your partner. That's too much pressure. Everyone is different and your partner may have made their previous lover scream with multiple orgasms, but they don't know how to please you until you tell them. They can play a guessing game or you can tell/show them exactly how to get you off and it will be a lot more fun for both of you. A lot of people seem to think that we should just know how to please each other, but in my opinion that's a recipe for boring, unsatisfying sex.

If you have a difficult time putting into words how you like to be touched then you can always show your partner. Watching the object of your desire masturbate isn't just educational, it's also a huge turn on.

There are also many women who expect to be able to orgasm during vaginal penetration without any sort of other stimulation. This is just not possible for a lot of women. And believe me there are not too many people out there who would have a problem with their partner reaching down and playing with their clit during sex or even bringing a vibrator into the mix. If your partner is intimidated at all by this then tell them that you love the way the penetration feels, but there are very few women who can orgasm without clitoral stimulation and you are one of them. Offer the option to let them play with your clit during penetration as well. If they are interested in getting you off they won't turn it down.

But maybe there is something else standing in your way? I know that when I was younger, and I've heard many similar stories from women, I was actually a bit afraid of orgasming in front of someone else. Having an orgasm in front of someone else can be very vulnerable because you basically lose control of your body at that peak of excitement. What will your face look like? Will you be too loud? Too quiet? Will you fart? Will you queef? Will your body writhe about strangely?

Most likely your face will contort in crazy ways and you will make strange sounds, but when in the midst of an orgasm those things will be extremely sexy to your partner. Orgasms aren't the clean polished things you may see in a lot of mainstream porn. They are sweaty weird wonderfully sexy things. Check out Beautiful Agony for real people having real orgasms. They have a great free preview filled with lots of people cumming.

And then there's the possibility of farting or queefing when you orgasm. Those things happen to everyone and the best way to deal with them is to either ignore them or to laugh them off. There's no need to get embarrassed.

So if the issue is fear then hopefully realizing that orgasms are incredibly sexy things will help. Having a partner you feel comfortable with and trust can help a lot too.

Relax, get comfortable, and keep trying. I'm sure you'll figure it out. And until then if you feel the need to orgasm during a hot sex session you can always masturbate.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Fisting

First off, I want to thank dep for the wonderful new site design. He did a great job and I hope you all enjoy it. I've also added a whole bunch of new recommendations along the side as well as a best of. Check them out and let me know if you think any other entries should be put in the best of section.

Secondly, in case you haven't noticed, you can now reach my website simply by going to askgarnet.com. There is no longer a need to type in the blogspot part. It will redirect you. Eventually I may move everything over to the new URL.

And now on to a new question.

What's a good way to introduce fisting? How do you start? What's the best lube to use? Any techniques that are good for the novice?

Fisting is not something to be entered into lightly (no pun intended). Both parties should really think about how comfortable they are with an entire hand inside of themselves or the other person as well as whether or not they think it is actually possible. Some people just can't get that much inside no matter how much they're warmed up first. And some people are just fine until they look down and see just how much is inside of them and start to freak out.

Things you will absolutely need in order to fist or be fisted:

1. Trust - You absolutely have to be able to trust each other because this is a sexual act that can really surprise you and possibly really hurt you. I've heard a lot of people say that they are amazed at the amount of emotion that fisting brings out in them. And lets face it, there's also the possibility of physical damage as well if precautions aren't made and if things go too fast.

2. Communication - As with any sexual exchange communication is extremely important. But when you start entering into sexual acts that can really take a lot of patience and understanding between partners communication becomes all that much more important. If you can't discuss what feels good with each other you definitely should not try fisting.

3. Warming up - Lets face it, a fist is a lot to take for anyone. So warm up! If you're fisting a vagina then you can easily just use fingers. Start with one or two fingers and then add one a little at a time when she is ready. Dildos can also be used. If you are warming up an ass to be fisted I highly recommend using butt plugs to warm it up. A lot of in and out motions will wear the ass out and you'll never get that fist in there. Instead use butt plugs of varying sizes to warm up. You can start off with something small like Little Flirt and work your way up to something like the Severin with several sizes in between.

4. Lube - Lots and lots of thick lube. I suggest something like Maximus which has a very thick consistency and lasts a good long time.

5. Gloves - Either latex or nitrile gloves depending on what you prefer and if either of you have a latex allergy. These are a great way to make your sex safer especially when stressing body parts out when fisting. They are absolutely necessary if you will be fisting an ass and will make the experience more comfortable for both of you.

Something to also keep in mind about fisting is that it might not happen the first time you try. Be patient and try not to be disappointed. It is something you should really work up to and allow a lot of time for. And if you or your partner start to feel uncomfortable, stop. You can always try again later if you want to.

And once again: communication, communication, communication. Start communicating before your clothes ever come off. Talk about your expectations and your fears. Communicate during. Talk about what feels good, what doesn't, your emotions. Communicate afterward. Talk about what worked and what didn't, what you learned for next time, and if there will even be a next time.

Friday, July 11, 2008

The Key to Better Sex

People always seem to be searching for the one tried and true method to make their sex lives the fantastic fireworks inducing scenes that they see in the movies and read about in romance novels. This subject sells countless books and magazines. There's always some new spot that is supposed to give us more pleasure than anything ever discovered before. There's the clit, the g-spot, the p-spot, the X-spot. What these things really do is make people feel inadequate when it doesn't set off fireworks for them or god forbid they can't even find the spot.

So what is the key to better sex? What is the one tried and true method? Well you may hate me for saying it, but its masturbation. Exploring, learning, and understanding your body is the key to fantastic sex. And once you can understand your body and what it is that really gets you off, then you have to also communicate that to your partner and realize that you are responsible for your own pleasure. If you don't believe me, here is a post written by a very famous sex blogger on exactly this topic.

Sex by Girl with a one-track mind

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Babeland Sale!

Just wanted to give you all a heads up on the sale going on over at Babeland right now. They have Vixen Dildos and several other items on sale at 20% off. That's a steal! Click here for the goods. Sale goes through the 11th.

Jollie



This month's Babeland toy review is the Jollie. I had had my eye on this toy for quite awhile because of some amazing reviews I'd read for it. Sure it looks a little weird, actually reminds me a bit of a slug, but that's part of its charm. I love new and innovative toys. This particular company is said to have taken a mold of a woman's vagina in order to create this toy. The shape is supposed to be able to tuck itself under the cervix, hit the g-spot, and rub up against the clit all at the same time. But here's the problem, not all women's vaginas are the same. When a toy is designed from one woman's vagina it may feel fantastic in many other vaginas, but not in all. And after all those months of mooning over this toy and wanting one of my very own I found that it was not made with my vagina in mind. Try as I might I could not get the darn thing in without causing pain. The sense of fullness that is promised is just too much for women with narrower vaginas. It would be nice to see these manufacturers make similar dildos in a variety of thicknesses and lengths for each woman's vagina.

But hey, if you don't have a narrow vagina don't let me stop you from getting this dildo. Seriously, I've seen some absolutely fantastic reviews and I really wish I could've added to them. Look some up for yourself and see all the women who rave about it. Also, this toy is made of a high quality silicone so it will last you a good long time and can be sterilized easily.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Polyamory

I would like to hear your point of view on 3somes ... polyamorous relationships. Having sex with a third party. Any advice on positions, how to deal with emotions and how to keep it equal?

Relationships are a lot of work, a lot of really hard work. They require constant open communication, compromise, and vulnerability. Polyamorous relationships are even more work than regular old monogamy. All parties involved need to sit down and make ground rules and figure out what to do about jealousy if it arises, and it usually does. There needs to be a lot of open, honest communication and compromise or these types of relationships will absolutely not work. Some people really like the idea of polyamory, but just can't talk openly about these things and there ends up being a big mess. It can be difficult for many since in our society we are taught to not talk about these things. Many people just expect others to read their minds and this can be frustrating enough in monogamy and really end up ruining the relationship, but forget about it when it comes to polyamory.

As far as positions go, well that's where you can be creative. There are all kinds of things to try from each giving the other one oral sex to double penetration to having one person worshiped by the other two. There are all kinds of possibilities depending on what everyone likes and is in the mood for. Just talking about it and coming up with new ideas could be a hot venture in itself.

So really everything I'm saying here is that communication is the key to great sex and relationships no matter what type you are involved in. Also, you should always practice safer sex especially with the more people you bring into your relationships.

For more information on polyamory/open relationships check out The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt and Opening Up by Tristan Taormino. Both are really great books by women who are in open or poly relationships themselves.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Can you get pregnant from the withdrawal method?

Hi, I am 23 years old, I am not yet ready to get pregnant but my boyfriend keeps asking about my virginity. I told myself that I will not give my virginity but the time we had romance we both felt hot we can't control. My question goes like this: We had sex after my period and almost 1 week we involved in sex but we use withdrawal method, is there a possibility that I get pregnant?

Most questions I receive don't phase me, but this one got me. In fact I often don't even answer questions right away when I get them, but I think this one deserves a quick answer.

Yes, you can get pregnant from the withdrawal method. This method is far from fool proof. When a man gets an erection a clear fluid leaks out of his urethra. This is called precum and it can have sperm in it. This can get you pregnant. Also, a lot of guys, especially the younger and/or more inexperienced ones, don't have the control or the body awareness to be able to pull out before ejaculation. This can definitely result in pregnancy.

And then there are all the possible infections and/or diseases you can contract from unprotected sex. Just genital to genital contact is enough for a lot of stuff to be contagious.

So please PLEASE go out and get yourself some condoms. Also go to the doctor and get yourself tested for any STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections) and get yourself a pregnancy test.

And for those of you out there who are committed to remaining virgins: this doesn't mean that you shouldn't still be prepared. The heat of the moment happens and it is better for you to have safer sex gear (condoms, lube, dental dams, gloves) on hand just in case. Please be safe and have fun.