Shit Happens

So, last night I had some pretty good sex. My guy came over after work & took a shower so he was all squeaky clean. So we have sex for an hour or so & then I start playing around with him with my hands & he gets really into it. He likes anal pressure but no penetration or anything. I have ample lube & he is a very happy boy. Now here's my issue... keep in mind he had just showered. I have an unbelievably sensitive sense of smell. There was a little more anal play/pressure than usual but like I said no penetration since hes not into that.....I could um, smell it. I could kind of ignore it but it wasn't something I'd like to repeat often b/c of that. Now this isn't an issue for him or anything...I go down on him plenty & there's NO odor issues. I guess it's just b/c I was playing around there? He enjoyed it SO MUCH though. So the question is....how do I avoid that next time? The smell thing that is & WTF is that about? Yikes.

OK here is the thing about butts, now everyone say it with me: "Poop comes out of your butt." If you're going to be going in or around someone's butt you may have to deal with poop. As they say, 'shit happens.' There are ways to try to avoid poop, but if you're going to play with the butt there is no way to make sure to 100% avoid it. Its like pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections: If you don't want them you have to abstain from sex all together, but there are precautions to lower your risks. Because lets face it, sex and butts are hella fun!

The facts about pooping:
Poop (such a funny word!) is pretty much formed in the large intestine and then goes into the rectum where it is stored for a short period of time. When we go to the bathroom to relieve ourselves it comes out of the rectum through the anal sphincter. And no matter how good we wipe ourselves afterwards there is always a chance that some of that fecal matter stayed in the rectum and/or just inside of the sphincter. And it often slowly works its way out.

This is why bidets are awesome! Its sooo much easier to clean yourself well with water than with tp. That being said, as showcased by your man, its still not always enough to do the trick. Because fecal matter can get trapped in that area I mentioned before we need to actually work our finger into the sphincter a bit to try to clean it out. This is especially easy to do in the shower. Just relax and slowly apply pressure around your anus and the tip of your finger will go right in. And voila a clean bum!

If the stink butt keeps happening you may have to talk to your man about how to properly clean his rear end. I know this can be a somewhat uncomfortable topic, but approach it gently without talking about it being gross. Just talk about how you like to poke him in the butt, but sometimes its a little stinky and you just want to make sure you're getting him as clean as possible so its enjoyable for both of you.

There's also the possibility that he may not have been feeling at the top of his game, but still wanted to mess around with you. I think we've all been there. Sometimes you don't realize until its a little too late that maybe it wasn't the best idea. If it hasn't happened to you yet, I guarantee it will at some point.

So above all, I'd say have some compassion and a sense of humor. If he's usually a pretty clean guy and a smell or a little poo comes out now and again don't hold it against him. You may be on the other side of that at some point.

Also, if you want to keep things clean I'd highly suggest picking up some latex or neoprene gloves. They're pretty cheap and keep a barrier between your hands and his poop. Just remember to use lots of lube!

Teneo Uno

Babeland recently sent me the newest Smart Balls from the oh so awesome Fun Factory. For my review of the original Smart Balls go here.

The Teneo Uno is pretty similar to the original in that it has the same size ball with a smaller ball inside that shakes and its made out of elastomer with a string attached. However, the Uno only has one ball, which is great for beginners or women who have smaller vaginas. Or, in my case, for those of us who prefer to only leave the house wearing one because two becomes too uncomfy when not aroused. And leave the house I did! In fact I wore it to my 10 year high school reunion. Bet my classmates had no idea!

Compared to the original Smart Balls, I didn't feel like I was getting as much of a workout, but considering the fact that I won't wear those out of the house, its really more of a workout since I'm doing it for more hours in the day.

Another difference is this cool little nook at the bottom of the ball that makes it easier for insertion. It fits the finger well so you have a spot to push against. They also changed the string from a non-stretchy string, to one that is almost rubberband-like in nature. It actually inspired me to use the toy as a slingshot upon opening. And while that's fun, I found that the limitations of the stretchy string were kind of big for me. A non-stretchy string makes for easier resistance training and removal. When you pull on a non-stretchy string the whole toy comes with it at a nice even pace. When you pull on a stretchy string you pull and pull until you get a POP when it comes out, which doesn't feel too nice. This is especially the case if you like to masturbate with your kegelcisor in. After cumming, the muscles in your vagina are often pretty tight and OMG pulling that thing out with force does not feel so great. Although, the one upside I found is that the string no longer hangs straight out and tickles my leg, which can be distracting no matter how much of a jackhammer your vibe is. Not really worth that POP though.

They also put more little divet designs on this model of Smart Balls. While this may add to its aesthetics, it does nothing for what it feels like and actually makes it more difficult to clean.

And that may sound like quite a few negatives, but I can tell you that this baby is definitely coming with me on my honeymoon next month! Nothing like something in your vaj to keep your mind on sex during a date with your sweetie.

Condom Review: Durex Max Love

After a week off, this week's condom review is Durex Max Love which is 20% thinner than the average condom.

Bright red package with pretty hearts it's easy to pick out among the crowd. Latex based and lubricated, when we opened the package (which was totally simple and ripped clean and quick) it smelled like walking into a tire shop that had a pot of flowers at the entrance. As I've pointed out before, I'm a guy of exceeding mediumness so I was pleased to find that this was designed with a diameter to accommodate. A quick easy 1-handed roll down and we were off to the races. For latex it transmitted temperature quite well but the sensation was just a tiny bit lacking, both very unusual things for latex. The taste was a bit in contrast to the smell, not unpleasant.

Ease of use 5.0
Sensation 4.25
Taste/Fragrance 4.0

San Francisco

I'm going to be out of town tomorrow (Sunday) through Tuesday night. I'm visiting the wonderful city of San Francisco. While there I will be getting a tour of San Francisco State University from a Human Sexualities grad student. I'm thinking of attending this school next year. I will also be checking out the Plastic's Show by Midori at the Femina Potens gallery owned by the lovely and talented Madison Young. I'll also be hanging out with friends, exploring Oakland, and having a generally fabulous time.

If you'd like to keep up with me during my trip (or even after that) follow me on Twitter: GarnetJoyce.

See you all when I get back!

P.S. Look forward to an upcoming contest where you could win hours of free video on demand porn!

Condom Review: Pleasure Plus

This week's condom review is the Pleasure Plus which features a pouch for extra flopping room.

A non serrated edge made it a little rougher to open than it should have been, and the tear mark wasn't as easy to manipulate as I wish it had been. It didn't have a particularly strong smell which is a surprise for a latex based condom, but what it lacked in smell, it more than made up for in a less than pleasing taste. While it wasn't disgusting by any stretch, my partner let me know that she could think of many other things she'd rather have in her mouth. The claim to fame for the pleasure plus is the “pleasure pouch” on the underside with slight ribbing. It felt at first after rolling it down (which was a simple task, saving it from a complete losing score in ease of use) like it was just a loose fitting condom, but once we got to business I could feel the extra sensation it was meant to provide. It may be because the piercing kept it from rubbing against the sensitive under-head as it was supposed to, but while a novel feeling at first, it eventually became slightly annoying. I could feel her fairly well, but the fact that I was feeling something extra I didn't really need didn't do too much for me.

Ease of use 3.5
Sensation 3.5
Taste/Fragrance 4.0

Free Queer Porn Today Only!!!

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Taking Too Long

So, I've been seeing this guy lately & the sex is alright. Well, great really. Except there's the issue that he CAN'T cum after hours...yes, HOURS. 4 hours is too much for me. Anyway, that's kind of a big deal to me b/c HELLO it's easy to make someone cum! WHAT is wrong with me that I cant?

He's taking too long to cum. This is very inconsiderate of him IF he is doing it on purpose. Some men seem to think that they should last forever. But some men also aren't as easy to cum as other men are. It can make you feel inadequate if you are used to a man who does cum quickly. I highly suggest talking to him about it. Saying something along the lines of "I really enjoy playing and having sex with you, but I've noticed that you don't cum. Is there anything that I can do to help? I want you to fully enjoy our time together and I'd love to make you cum, but I'm not gonna lie, even though its fun, it gets really tiring after 45 min to an hour." He may not even realize that you're getting tired or he may actually need you to bring up his issues with cumming to help him get through it. Keep in mind that he may say that he needs to jerk himself off in order to cum. And remember that that isn't anything against you. He's probably just trained himself to the stimulation that his hand brings. And everything you do up to that point makes it waaaaay better than he could've done on his own. If this is the case and you'd like to be more involved in his cumming you two can switch between him stroking himself and you stimulating him until he gets a little more used to the kind of stimulation you provide and the possibility of cumming.

One thing to keep in mind also is that everyone is responsible for their own orgasms. You are not responsible for giving him an orgasm and nor is he responsible for giving you an orgasm. Communicating your needs and desires will go a long way in helping you both achieve orgasm.

Condom Review: Durex Avanti

This week's condom review is the Durex Avanti which is another non-latex condom. This one is made out of polyurethane like the Trojan Supras.

It comes in a dark package with purple highlights which while very attractive would probably be tough to spot in the dark if you're one of those couples who's afraid to leave some light on. It's not latex based, so it doesn't have much of a scent and transmits sensation a bit better than most of the latex varieties but not nearly as good as the polyisoprene. We were a bit turned off by the fact that the lube that it comes equipped with had a bit of numbing sensation in the mouth, which while excellent for those who have a hard time taking a mouthful, was a little disconcerting when it wasn't expected. The wrapper was easy to open, but unrolling it became a 2-handed operation, costing it points.

Ease of use 4.0
Sensation 4.0
Taste/Fragrance 5.0

**Note: The polyurethane Avanti's have recently been discontinued and are only available in select locations for a limited time. Apparently the polyisoprene in the Lifesytles SKYNs is so much better that Durex has changed the Avanti's to the same material. The new ones are called Avanti Bare.**

Condom Review: Lifestyles SKYN

This week's condom review is the newest non-latex condom on the market and by far our reviewer's favorite, Lifestyle SKYN.

Of all the condoms I've had the pleasure/displeasure of using, these are far and away my favorites. Non-latex based, they have no unpleasing smells, no awful taste, and to make an extremely long metaphor, if my penis were an ear on a phone and her vagina was a pin dropping, these condoms would have been sprint's landline service of the 1980s. The packaging is shiny making it easy to find at night, the serrated edges make them easy to open, and they roll on pretty easily. Try not to have much moisture on your boy pieces before rolling them on, because they will slip a little during vigorous thrusting. These are far and away my favorite condoms and carry my strongest recommendation.

Ease of use 5.0
Sensation 4.99
Taste/Fragrance 5.0

My Story

In light of recent events – specifically Dr. Tiller’s murder, federal marshals being removed from the aide of Dr. Carhart, and the ongoing violence focused on reproductive health clinics – I’ve decided to tell my own story. I believe that it is extremely important for women (and men) to come out and talk about how their reproductive health clinics have helped them and why they are a positive necessity in our society. We should all tell our own stories.

My story isn’t a pretty packaged story about how I was a victim of incest or rape. Not that these stories are ever pretty, but they are the ones that so often come to view when we are talking about women who need to be able to have abortions. The stories of innocence lost. The women who “deserve” to have a pregnancy terminated. What about the rest of us? We all need control over our own bodies.

I expect that a lot of people won’t agree with my decisions. And I also expect that there may be some backlash because of it. But I refuse to hide when the people who are trying to help women are being murdered.

I tell this story from a sex positive viewpoint; the idea that there is nothing inherently evil about sex. In fact there is a lot of good in it, but there are risks as well.

When I was 18 I was a typical teenager. I thought I was invincible. I thought that nothing bad could happen. And so, even though I knew full well what the consequences were, I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend. I was not a victim of abstinence-only education, I had comprehensive sex ed starting in 5th grade. I was also raised in a sex positive household where information about sex and condoms were always available. I did know better. But I was in love and the sex was fantastic.

What I didn’t know was that I was with a young man who was also extremely fertile, as many 18 year olds are. He hadn’t told me that he had gotten two other women pregnant before me. And he definitely should have known better. But we’re both to blame for what happened. A couple of months before my 19th birthday I got pregnant.

I had always thought that if I got pregnant before I was ready that I would have an abortion. It would be an easy decision. When it actually happened I was struck by how difficult the decision actually was. After all, this life had been created out of love.

After thinking about it for a few weeks though I knew that it was the right decision. I had not been planning on bringing a baby into the world and was smoking at the time. Not a great way to start a pregnancy. My mom, a very supportive woman in general, refused to support me emotionally or financially if I chose to have the child. My boyfriend whom I loved dearly, all of a sudden disappeared when I became pregnant. I had my whole life ahead of me. And even dedicating 9 months to pregnancy was a burden my body could not handle. The first couple months that I did go through were awful and I knew it would only get worse. My body has always had issues with health and pain.

I did not know how to go about seeking an abortion. I am so incredibly lucky that it all turned out as well as it did considering I was doing my research via the yellow pages and, being a broke teenager, cost was my main concern. Had I lived in the Bible Belt instead of a suburb of Chicago I’m sure I would have ended up talking to a crisis center that would’ve misinformed me about pregnancy and abortion. And in my relatively fragile state, that would have been very difficult to deal with.

Ten days after my 19th birthday my best friend took me to a women’s reproductive health clinic. There were lots of women with boyfriends in the waiting room. I was the only one with my best friend.

I don’t really remember much of that day except for having a difficult time peeing in the cup, accidentally stepping on a button on the floor in the operating room that made a loud noise, waking up in another room with my underwear back on, and my best friend taking care of me that evening (mmm Blue’s Clues macaroni and cheese). But it all went pretty well.

As the years went on I became pretty loyal to Planned Parenthood. I really wish I had gotten the procedure there, but I’m happy that it went well. Planned Parenthood has been there for me through thick and thin. They’ve helped me through condom breakage, STI testing, genital warts, pap smears, putting me on the pill to prevent pregnancy, and then keeping me on it to prevent ovarian cysts. They’ve been there when I’ve cried, they’ve laughed at my jokes, and they’ve been non-judgmental of my lifestyle choices. They’ve been like a really good friend to me. And as a good friend I’ve tried my best to give back as well. I’ve donated time and money to them. I ran the local college campus chapter of VOX (Planned Parenthood’s student outreach) and I’ve worked as an escort keeping myself between women entering and leaving the clinic and those who did not agree with why they thought those women were there. I will always support Planned Parenthood and I hope that they are always able to support me.