Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Shit Happens

So, last night I had some pretty good sex. My guy came over after work & took a shower so he was all squeaky clean. So we have sex for an hour or so & then I start playing around with him with my hands & he gets really into it. He likes anal pressure but no penetration or anything. I have ample lube & he is a very happy boy. Now here's my issue... keep in mind he had just showered. I have an unbelievably sensitive sense of smell. There was a little more anal play/pressure than usual but like I said no penetration since hes not into that.....I could um, smell it. I could kind of ignore it but it wasn't something I'd like to repeat often b/c of that. Now this isn't an issue for him or anything...I go down on him plenty & there's NO odor issues. I guess it's just b/c I was playing around there? He enjoyed it SO MUCH though. So the question is....how do I avoid that next time? The smell thing that is & WTF is that about? Yikes.

OK here is the thing about butts, now everyone say it with me: "Poop comes out of your butt." If you're going to be going in or around someone's butt you may have to deal with poop. As they say, 'shit happens.' There are ways to try to avoid poop, but if you're going to play with the butt there is no way to make sure to 100% avoid it. Its like pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections: If you don't want them you have to abstain from sex all together, but there are precautions to lower your risks. Because lets face it, sex and butts are hella fun!

The facts about pooping:
Poop (such a funny word!) is pretty much formed in the large intestine and then goes into the rectum where it is stored for a short period of time. When we go to the bathroom to relieve ourselves it comes out of the rectum through the anal sphincter. And no matter how good we wipe ourselves afterwards there is always a chance that some of that fecal matter stayed in the rectum and/or just inside of the sphincter. And it often slowly works its way out.

This is why bidets are awesome! Its sooo much easier to clean yourself well with water than with tp. That being said, as showcased by your man, its still not always enough to do the trick. Because fecal matter can get trapped in that area I mentioned before we need to actually work our finger into the sphincter a bit to try to clean it out. This is especially easy to do in the shower. Just relax and slowly apply pressure around your anus and the tip of your finger will go right in. And voila a clean bum!

If the stink butt keeps happening you may have to talk to your man about how to properly clean his rear end. I know this can be a somewhat uncomfortable topic, but approach it gently without talking about it being gross. Just talk about how you like to poke him in the butt, but sometimes its a little stinky and you just want to make sure you're getting him as clean as possible so its enjoyable for both of you.

There's also the possibility that he may not have been feeling at the top of his game, but still wanted to mess around with you. I think we've all been there. Sometimes you don't realize until its a little too late that maybe it wasn't the best idea. If it hasn't happened to you yet, I guarantee it will at some point.

So above all, I'd say have some compassion and a sense of humor. If he's usually a pretty clean guy and a smell or a little poo comes out now and again don't hold it against him. You may be on the other side of that at some point.

Also, if you want to keep things clean I'd highly suggest picking up some latex or neoprene gloves. They're pretty cheap and keep a barrier between your hands and his poop. Just remember to use lots of lube!

Monday, September 28, 2009

Teneo Uno



Babeland recently sent me the newest Smart Balls from the oh so awesome Fun Factory. For my review of the original Smart Balls go here.

The Teneo Uno is pretty similar to the original in that it has the same size ball with a smaller ball inside that shakes and its made out of elastomer with a string attached. However, the Uno only has one ball, which is great for beginners or women who have smaller vaginas. Or, in my case, for those of us who prefer to only leave the house wearing one because two becomes too uncomfy when not aroused. And leave the house I did! In fact I wore it to my 10 year high school reunion. Bet my classmates had no idea!

Compared to the original Smart Balls, I didn't feel like I was getting as much of a workout, but considering the fact that I won't wear those out of the house, its really more of a workout since I'm doing it for more hours in the day.

Another difference is this cool little nook at the bottom of the ball that makes it easier for insertion. It fits the finger well so you have a spot to push against. They also changed the string from a non-stretchy string, to one that is almost rubberband-like in nature. It actually inspired me to use the toy as a slingshot upon opening. And while that's fun, I found that the limitations of the stretchy string were kind of big for me. A non-stretchy string makes for easier resistance training and removal. When you pull on a non-stretchy string the whole toy comes with it at a nice even pace. When you pull on a stretchy string you pull and pull until you get a POP when it comes out, which doesn't feel too nice. This is especially the case if you like to masturbate with your kegelcisor in. After cumming, the muscles in your vagina are often pretty tight and OMG pulling that thing out with force does not feel so great. Although, the one upside I found is that the string no longer hangs straight out and tickles my leg, which can be distracting no matter how much of a jackhammer your vibe is. Not really worth that POP though.

They also put more little divet designs on this model of Smart Balls. While this may add to its aesthetics, it does nothing for what it feels like and actually makes it more difficult to clean.

And that may sound like quite a few negatives, but I can tell you that this baby is definitely coming with me on my honeymoon next month! Nothing like something in your vaj to keep your mind on sex during a date with your sweetie.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Condom Review: Durex Max Love


After a week off, this week's condom review is Durex Max Love which is 20% thinner than the average condom.

Bright red package with pretty hearts it's easy to pick out among the crowd. Latex based and lubricated, when we opened the package (which was totally simple and ripped clean and quick) it smelled like walking into a tire shop that had a pot of flowers at the entrance. As I've pointed out before, I'm a guy of exceeding mediumness so I was pleased to find that this was designed with a diameter to accommodate. A quick easy 1-handed roll down and we were off to the races. For latex it transmitted temperature quite well but the sensation was just a tiny bit lacking, both very unusual things for latex. The taste was a bit in contrast to the smell, not unpleasant.

Ease of use 5.0
Sensation 4.25
Taste/Fragrance 4.0

Saturday, September 19, 2009

San Francisco

I'm going to be out of town tomorrow (Sunday) through Tuesday night. I'm visiting the wonderful city of San Francisco. While there I will be getting a tour of San Francisco State University from a Human Sexualities grad student. I'm thinking of attending this school next year. I will also be checking out the Plastic's Show by Midori at the Femina Potens gallery owned by the lovely and talented Madison Young. I'll also be hanging out with friends, exploring Oakland, and having a generally fabulous time.

If you'd like to keep up with me during my trip (or even after that) follow me on Twitter: GarnetJoyce.

See you all when I get back!

P.S. Look forward to an upcoming contest where you could win hours of free video on demand porn!

Monday, September 14, 2009

Condom Review: Pleasure Plus



This week's condom review is the Pleasure Plus which features a pouch for extra flopping room.

A non serrated edge made it a little rougher to open than it should have been, and the tear mark wasn't as easy to manipulate as I wish it had been. It didn't have a particularly strong smell which is a surprise for a latex based condom, but what it lacked in smell, it more than made up for in a less than pleasing taste. While it wasn't disgusting by any stretch, my partner let me know that she could think of many other things she'd rather have in her mouth. The claim to fame for the pleasure plus is the “pleasure pouch” on the underside with slight ribbing. It felt at first after rolling it down (which was a simple task, saving it from a complete losing score in ease of use) like it was just a loose fitting condom, but once we got to business I could feel the extra sensation it was meant to provide. It may be because the piercing kept it from rubbing against the sensitive under-head as it was supposed to, but while a novel feeling at first, it eventually became slightly annoying. I could feel her fairly well, but the fact that I was feeling something extra I didn't really need didn't do too much for me.

Ease of use 3.5
Sensation 3.5
Taste/Fragrance 4.0

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

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Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Taking Too Long

So, I've been seeing this guy lately & the sex is alright. Well, great really. Except there's the issue that he CAN'T cum after hours...yes, HOURS. 4 hours is too much for me. Anyway, that's kind of a big deal to me b/c HELLO it's easy to make someone cum! WHAT is wrong with me that I cant?

He's taking too long to cum. This is very inconsiderate of him IF he is doing it on purpose. Some men seem to think that they should last forever. But some men also aren't as easy to cum as other men are. It can make you feel inadequate if you are used to a man who does cum quickly. I highly suggest talking to him about it. Saying something along the lines of "I really enjoy playing and having sex with you, but I've noticed that you don't cum. Is there anything that I can do to help? I want you to fully enjoy our time together and I'd love to make you cum, but I'm not gonna lie, even though its fun, it gets really tiring after 45 min to an hour." He may not even realize that you're getting tired or he may actually need you to bring up his issues with cumming to help him get through it. Keep in mind that he may say that he needs to jerk himself off in order to cum. And remember that that isn't anything against you. He's probably just trained himself to the stimulation that his hand brings. And everything you do up to that point makes it waaaaay better than he could've done on his own. If this is the case and you'd like to be more involved in his cumming you two can switch between him stroking himself and you stimulating him until he gets a little more used to the kind of stimulation you provide and the possibility of cumming.

One thing to keep in mind also is that everyone is responsible for their own orgasms. You are not responsible for giving him an orgasm and nor is he responsible for giving you an orgasm. Communicating your needs and desires will go a long way in helping you both achieve orgasm.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Condom Review: Durex Avanti



This week's condom review is the Durex Avanti which is another non-latex condom. This one is made out of polyurethane like the Trojan Supras.

It comes in a dark package with purple highlights which while very attractive would probably be tough to spot in the dark if you're one of those couples who's afraid to leave some light on. It's not latex based, so it doesn't have much of a scent and transmits sensation a bit better than most of the latex varieties but not nearly as good as the polyisoprene. We were a bit turned off by the fact that the lube that it comes equipped with had a bit of numbing sensation in the mouth, which while excellent for those who have a hard time taking a mouthful, was a little disconcerting when it wasn't expected. The wrapper was easy to open, but unrolling it became a 2-handed operation, costing it points.

Ease of use 4.0
Sensation 4.0
Taste/Fragrance 5.0

**Note: The polyurethane Avanti's have recently been discontinued and are only available in select locations for a limited time. Apparently the polyisoprene in the Lifesytles SKYNs is so much better that Durex has changed the Avanti's to the same material. The new ones are called Avanti Bare.**