Sunday, January 24, 2010

Hard Time Getting Wet

Hi! So I lost my virginity to my boyfriend a few months ago (I'm just over 18) but we haven't had sex since. We've tried, but it really really really hurts when he tries to go in. It might be because I'm not wet enough? We used lube the first time because, yeah, I wasn't wet enough. I just can't seem to get wet when we begin the foreplay and I don't know why? Please help.

If you haven't read my post about painful sex after losing your virginity be sure to read it. I address a lot of the possible issues there. But I wanted to do another blog post that specifically focuses on the subject of vaginal lubrication which you say might be the reason the sex is painful.

First of all, every woman is different. Some women get really wet, but may not feel particularly aroused while other women may be so aroused that they'll hump the closest thing that vibrates (washing machine?), but they'll be really dry. And then of course there is everyone in between.
There are many reasons that a woman may or may not get wet and those can differ throughout her lifetime. Some of these may include: 

  1. You were made that way: Its just genetics and there's no changing it. If you were to ask your mother she might site the same problems with vaginal dryness.
  2. Hormones: As our menstrual cycle changes so does our body. You may have noticed other changes in your body as well. During ovulation vaginal lubrication becomes waterier so that it is easier to get pregnant. And as many women get older menopause can turn their vaginas into the Sahara Desert. 
  3. Medication: A lot of different medications have side-effects. Some of them can cause vaginal dryness. The main culprits are anti-depressants, hormonal birth control, anti-histamines, and decongestants (they don't only dry out your nose). 
  4. Diet/Exercise: Your overall level of health effects natural body functions. In general, the healthier you are, the better your body functions.
  5. Hydration: If you don't drink enough water you are going to have a harder time producing the wet stuff.
  6. Life: Life throws curveballs. So much that goes on in our day to day can really effect us. Stress, depression, sleep deprivation, pregnancy, lactation, and menopause can all effect your ability to lubricate.
  7. Drugs/Alcohol: Sex and drugs just don't mix. That being said, there can be some exceptions to this rule. Smoking pot has been known to help with Anorgasmia, but that's another post for another day.
  8. Latex: You all should be having safer sex! And latex actually dries a vagina out. Add extra lube to make things more slippery and fun and also to prevent the condom from breaking.
Some of this stuff is changeable, some of it is not. And lets face it, sometimes you want to have sex when you're drunk. In these cases, and in really any case, lube is a fantastic option. Lube makes everything better. There are 3 main types of lube:
  1. Water-based: Most lubes are water-based and these tend to be the easiest to find and are often cheaper than some other types. They are condom compatible and easily wash out of sheets. If water based lube dries out, you can add more lube or add some water or spit to rejuvenate it. Look at the ingredients list on lube bottles before buying them. Try to avoid stuff like fragrance, glycerin, honey (actually saw this one in a certain type of KY), and flavors. Flavored lube is really only for external use (i.e. oral sex and rim jobs). Recommendations: Liquid Silk, Maximus, Slippery Stuff, or if you have a lot of allergies SliquidH2O
  2. Silicone-based: Because these are not water-based they do not wash away, which makes this a great option for shower sex, but also means that it can stain your sheets. Lay a towel down before using silicone lube. A lot of people love that silicone lube doesn't dry up as fast as water-based lubes which means a little goes a long way. They may be more expensive, but it ends up evening out in the end. Just remember that you can't use silicone-based lube with most silicone sex toys, but they can be used with condoms. Recommendations: Pink, Pjur, and Gun Oil. Some silicone lubricants contain aloe. This can make them dry up a little faster than the ones that don't.
  3. Oil-Based: Oil-based lubes should really only be used for masturbation. Men can use them to jerk off with and women can rub a little bit of oil on their clits. These lubricants DO NOT belong inside a vagina and they will degrade a latex condom making it useless. Therefore I will not make any recommendations on this one.
If you can't decide what will work best for you, many sex shops carry lube sampler packs that will have small 1 or 2 time use pillows of their bestselling lubes. Babeland, Good Vibrations, and Early to Bed all have great samplers.

Related Reading
1. We Waited Until Marriage
2. Staying a Virgin
3. Flaming Lube!

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