Thursday, December 3, 2009

FemBlossom Heat Review

Its been many many months since Emotional Bliss sent me the Femblossom Heat to review. What took so long? They could not find any of the information I requested and I kept holding out in case they did end up finding it. But we'll get to that in a minute.

First, the specifications:

The Femblossom Heat is a rechargeable plastic vibe that covers the entirety of your vulva so that it can vibrate not just your clit, but your labia as well. It has 9 different speeds and patterns and along with those comes different levels of heat. It has a power button and up and down buttons so that you can peruse the different intensities. It also features an anti-bacterial agent that activates with water so that it can be uber clean.

When I had read about this magical heating up of the vibrator I had my doubts. After all, my Hitachi heats up if it takes me a long time to cum. I just assumed that this was going to be the case with this toy as well. The instructions, which told me to leave the toy running on its own for a few minutes before use, made me skeptical. Turned out I was wrong. The heat was specifically targeted on the areas that would be hitting my vulva and not on the rest. My hand would not overheat! Now if only they had made it so that you could control the level of heat without also changing the intensity of vibration. Its no secret that I like a super strong vibe, but it turns out that while I really really like heat (unlike cold), I don't like it to be super hot. I felt like the toy was going to burn my clit off! Okay, that may be an exaggeration, but still! I'd like some control over both heat and vibe intensity. Because of this issue it couldn't get me off . However, it was a great warm up (pun fully intended) to the Hitachi.

Another issue I had with this toy is that it felt awkward in my hand and the controls seemed a bit unintuitive. Granted, if this was a great vibe I would take the time to learn the controls and damn the awkwardness in hand! I mean seriously, the Hitachi is extremely heavy and bulky, but I rarely complain about how it feels in hand.

And then there's the name! Femblossom? They also make a toy called the Womolia. *Wretch* Is this second wave feminism back in full force? Did I fall into a time warp? Its just all so 'love and embrace your womanhood.' And while I agree with that mentality, I don't feel the need to talk about masturbation as "emotional bliss." I masturbate, I fuck myself, I cum. Emotions need not apply. Maybe I'm just too blunt for the flowery words. They just don't appeal to me. I feel like the names are targeting a much older audience. You know, like my mom.

But one of the biggest issues I had, and the reason that this review took so long, was because of this anti-bacterial agent business. Supposedly when water hits it it magically acts to kill all bacteria. They say they have studies to back this up. However, when I requested information from them about these studies or even access to the studies themselves I got nothing. They apparently couldn't locate them. What I want to know is what this magical material is. Does it emit any sort of chemicals when it is in contact with wetness? Because you know my vag gets pretty wet at times. I just can't endorse a product if I don't know how it works and how safe it is.

The truth is that I really wanted to like this toy despite the awful name (it wouldn't be the first to have one and at least they were trying) and the fears of overheating. I was pretty excited when they contacted me to try it out. I had read some reviews of the Femblossom before and they made it sound pretty awesome. I'd had my eye on it. I like it when my entire vulva is vibrated and I love heat. Plus there's the rechargeable factor which is pretty awesome and with the high price tag I assumed this was going to be a pretty awesome luxury type toy. Call me disappointed.

1 comment:

Epiphora said...

Great minds think alike. I also wondered how that anti-bacterial claim could be true. Sad to hear that you didn't get any actual info about it. Let me know if you ever do.

Good point about the silly names, too. They're too feel-good for me as well.