Sunday, November 25, 2007

Masturbating Too Much?

I masturbate an average of 3 or 4 times a day. I've always preferred masturbation to sex because I have MUCH MUCH better orgasms than I do with sexual intercourse. But, I've recently met someone, and it looks like things are going to become sexual. This makes me happy to have met someone, but at the same time, this also makes me worry about my constant masturbation habits. In fact, sometimes I'm pretty sure it's an addiction.

I'm worried that my body has gotten used to masturbation as opposed to sex, which makes me worry about my sexual performance. The last couple of girls Ive slept with didn't really do it for me. I even had a hard time keeping it up. I would have much rather just gotten off by myself. The problem, is that I really like this girl, and I want to please her. This makes me think I should quit masturbating. But I've been trying to at least cut back lately, and honestly, don't think I can.

So, with this in mind, I have two questions.

Should I worry about this? Is a love of having several orgasms a day really an addiction? And if so, is it really that bad of an addiction? It's not like I'm doing drugs or drinking.

And, what would you suggest doing about my lack of sexual performance with sexual intercourse? Is there a way to increase sensitivity? Or maybe something to keep it hard longer? I don't want to use prescription pills. I mean, my god I'm only in my mid twenties! And I feel silly using a cock ring.


An addiction by definition is bad especially if it affects your life and people you care about. The way you're talking you definitely feel that it affects those you care about so it is a problem. It may also be a problem if you spend a lot of time on your addiction. Masturbating 3 or 4 times a day when you have the time is great, but if you're short on time and other more important things start to take a back seat to your masturbation addiction then you definitely have a problem. Comparing it to addictions that you feel are worse doesn't mean that it isn't something you should deal with and conquer.

Cutting down is definitely a good option. Another option is to vary your masturbation style. When we get used to only one type of stimulation to bring us to orgasm then that will be the only type that will be able to bring us to orgasm. Trying different things that may not bring you to orgasm the first few times will be frustrating, but ultimately more rewarding. The goal is to be able to make your body more receptive to different types of touches and feelings. Try using lube, twisting your hand a different way, being in a different position when you masturbate (i.e. if you usually stand up, try sitting), try a masturbation sleeve, try a different amount of pressure, experiment with your breathing, etc. There are a lot of fun ways to experiment with masturbation.

You also may be the type of man who just doesn't orgasm through intercourse. You would not be alone on this. Unfortunately, in our society both men and women are made to feel inadequate if they don't receive mind blowing ecstasy when they have penile/vaginal intercourse. Try oral sex and mutual masturbation. You may find this to be more fulfilling. Show your new partner how you like to be touched so that she can please you. Don't just expect her to know and be patient with her. Even if you don't get off the first time doesn't mean it won't happen. Be sensitive to her feelings though since some women may take it personally when you are unable to orgasm.

And finally, if you want to please her then don't worry so much about intercourse. A lot of women get much more pleasure out of oral sex and mutual masturbation. Try using sex toys. To take an idea from Ian Kerner who wrote "She Comes First," don't think of these acts as foreplay; think of them as coreplay. Intercourse doesn't define sex.

Note: Cockrings aren't silly. Be more open minded. Cockrings can be a lot of fun, but you'll never know that if you never try them.

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