Hard Time Getting Wet

Hi! So I lost my virginity to my boyfriend a few months ago (I'm just over 18) but we haven't had sex since. We've tried, but it really really really hurts when he tries to go in. It might be because I'm not wet enough? We used lube the first time because, yeah, I wasn't wet enough. I just can't seem to get wet when we begin the foreplay and I don't know why? Please help.

If you haven't read my post about painful sex after losing your virginity be sure to read it. I address a lot of the possible issues there. But I wanted to do another blog post that specifically focuses on the subject of vaginal lubrication which you say might be the reason the sex is painful.

First of all, every woman is different. Some women get really wet, but may not feel particularly aroused while other women may be so aroused that they'll hump the closest thing that vibrates (washing machine?), but they'll be really dry. And then of course there is everyone in between.
There are many reasons that a woman may or may not get wet and those can differ throughout her lifetime. Some of these may include: 

1. You were made that way: Its just genetics and there's no changing it. If you were to ask your mother she might site the same problems with vaginal dryness.
2. Hormones: As our menstrual cycle changes so does our body. You may have noticed other changes in your body as well. During ovulation vaginal lubrication becomes waterier so that it is easier to get pregnant. And as many women get older menopause can turn their vaginas into the Sahara Desert. 
3. Medication: A lot of different medications have side-effects. Some of them can cause vaginal dryness. The main culprits are anti-depressants, hormonal birth control, anti-histamines, and decongestants (they don't only dry out your nose). 
4. Diet/Exercise: Your overall level of health effects natural body functions. In general, the healthier you are, the better your body functions.
5. Hydration: If you don't drink enough water you are going to have a harder time producing the wet stuff.
6. Life: Life throws curveballs. So much that goes on in our day to day can really effect us. Stress, depression, sleep deprivation, pregnancy, lactation, and menopause can all effect your ability to lubricate.
7. Drugs/Alcohol: Sex and drugs just don't mix. That being said, there can be some exceptions to this rule. Smoking pot has been known to help with Anorgasmia, but that's another post for another day.
8. Latex: You all should be having safer sex! And latex actually dries a vagina out. Add extra lube to make things more slippery and fun and also to prevent the condom from breaking.
   

Some of this stuff is changeable, some of it is not. And lets face it, sometimes you want to have sex when you're drunk. In these cases, and in really any case, lube is a fantastic option. Lube makes everything better. There are 3 main types of lube:

1. Water-based: Most lubes are water-based and these tend to be the easiest to find and are often cheaper than some other types. They are condom compatible and easily wash out of sheets. If water based lube dries out, you can add more lube or add some water or spit to rejuvenate it. Look at the ingredients list on lube bottles before buying them. Try to avoid stuff like fragrance, glycerin, honey (actually saw this one in a certain type of KY), and flavors. Flavored lube is really only for external use (i.e. oral sex and rim jobs). Recommendations: Liquid Silk, Maximus, Slippery Stuff, or if you have a lot of allergies SliquidH2O
   
2. Silicone-based: Because these are not water-based they do not wash away, which makes this a great option for shower sex, but also means that it can stain your sheets. Lay a towel down before using silicone lube. A lot of people love that silicone lube doesn't dry up as fast as water-based lubes which means a little goes a long way. They may be more expensive, but it ends up evening out in the end. Just remember that you can't use silicone-based lube with most silicone sex toys, but they can be used with condoms. Recommendations: Pink, Pjur, and Gun Oil. Some silicone lubricants contain aloe. This can make them dry up a little faster than the ones that don't.
   
3. Oil-Based: Oil-based lubes should really only be used for masturbation. Men can use them to jerk off with and women can rub a little bit of oil on their clits. These lubricants DO NOT belong inside a vagina and they will degrade a latex condom making it useless. Therefore I will not make any recommendations on this one.

If you can't decide what will work best for you, many sex shops carry lube sampler packs that will have small 1 or 2 time use pillows of their bestselling lubes. Babeland, Good Vibrations, and Early to Bed all have great samplers.

Related Reading
1. We Waited Until Marriage
2. Staying a Virgin
3. Flaming Lube!

Toys for the Honeymoon

Tomorrow evening the wife and I leave for our honeymoon. Now you may be asking yourselves, "What kinds of toys does a sex educator/sex toy reviewer bring with them on their honeymoon?" Because you know I have a ton of them, but only a couple make the cut. Some of them new and some of them old favorites that go on every trip. The above picture is what I'm pretty sure I've decided on bringing. From left to right starting in the top row they are:

Trojan Supras: The first non-latex condom I ever started using that have remained an old standby. Once these have run out though I will probably be switching to the polyisoprene because they are cheaper. The feeling of the condoms don't really matter that much to me since they are just used on dildos, but they have to be non-latex as I am allergic.

Frank: He's a cyberskin dildo that I love giving blowjobs to. I use honey dust to keep him lifelike instead of cornstarch so that he tastes yummy.

Durex Avanti: Again, just a condom I had lying around.

Hitachi Magic Wand: Like this one should be a surprise to anyone. Shouldn't you all own one of these by now? Seriously? Its the best. Nuff said.

Mr. Bendy/Silky: My second favorite dildo ever. This guy is made out of squishy elastomer and has a rod in the center that allows for a bendy good time. I use condoms with him because elastomer is porous, but its totally worth it. This is definitely my favorite strap-on dildo.

Orbit: One of the first dildos I reviewed back when I was just a Carnal Consultant for Early to Bed. Still one of my faves! Although if I decide that I have too many dildos on the trip either Orbit or Frank will get cut.

Feeldoe Slim: High quality double-sided dildo that no romantic vacation can do without. Can be used with or without a harness.

Ella by Lelo: By far my absolute favorite dildo. And I know what I'm talking about; I own 14! This dildo is the absolute best for g-spot. Leave it to Lelo to only make one dildo, but have it be absolutely amazing.

Middle row:

Thigh Harness: This is a newer toy of mine that I'm trying out for Babeland. We've given it a few goes, but feel that in order to review it properly it needs to come with me on our honeymoon. Look for that review coming up soon.

Colore Moi Strawberry Body Paint: Yummy painting! Strawberries and champagne anyone?

Gun Oil: High quality silicone lubricant for some hot hot shower sex.

Maximus: My favorite lube. This stuff is waterbased and has the consistency of hair gel. I was finally smart enough to get a travel bottle that wouldn't get all over everything too!

Saturn: This is a small ridged waterproof vibe made out of a silky plastic. Super cheap and hopefully fun in the shower. Never used this one before, but picked it up special for my honeymoon.

Dirty Dice: Yes, I said Dirty Dice. Honeymoons are supposed to be for silly sex games damnit! And I've never played with these before so I thought they'd be a fun way to get into the play.

Buddy: A silicone butt plug that is a little on the smaller side, but not too small.

Tweezer Clamps: Because with all this sweetness there needed to be some pain ...

Silky Blindfold: Because sometimes its better if they can't see whats coming. Mwahahaha!

Bottom row:

Flower Balm: Another product sent to me to review. I've played with it a little bit and I can tell you this: The menthol definitely works on clits and lips! Look for an upcoming review after the honeymoon!

Heart Paddle: I don't know if anyone carries this anymore, but its a great lightweight wooden paddle that makes a great loud SMACK noise without hurting TOO much.

Vibrating Makeup Brush: No, I don't care about being discreet. Discreet vibes will not get me off. However, the vibrating brush is great for sensation play.

Non-latex Gloves: We are monogamous and therefore are definitely fluid bonded. However, I work in an office and get lots of papercuts. The pH of the vag being what it is, gloves often make things less stingy for me. Also, the lower amount of friction helps with my arthritis.

Vibe Harness: OMG I looked at this thing today when I pulled it out and I think it may be time for a new one. This thing is OLD!! We're talking, before this relationship old. But its my wife's favorite. Its like a part of her by now.

Oh just realized that in the top row is my Teneo Uno you just can't see it. Taking that too.

So there you have it! Should be a fun honeymoon. See you all next week.

Masturbation Haiku Contest

Over at my favorite sex shop (Early to Bed) they're having a contest to win fun sexy things! All you have to do is write a haiku about masturbation. You can enter up to 5 haikus and the top 3 get prizes. They can be sexy, silly, fun, meaningful, sentimental, whatever you want! So head over to the Early to Bed Blog and enter for your chance to a win masturbation book, lube, a t-shirt, and/or a gift certificate.

And I get to help with the judging! So send in some good ones!

Eco Delight Kit

Maybe you couldn't find that perfect present for that special someone or you didn't get what you really wanted this year from Santa/Grandma. Well this is THE perfect gift! Babeland sent me this amazing Eco Delight Kit, which in some ways is very similar to their Eco Sexy Kit which I reviewed several months ago. But in other ways it is so much better!

It still includes the massage candle and the Mamba condoms. For reviews of those, just click on the links.

In addition to these, the kit also includes a different lube, toy, and a fabulous way to package it all up. And, in my opinion, they also manage to make it more eco-friendly.

The lube is one of Babeland's own called Naked. It is an organic lubricant that is supposedly infused with herbs and claims to be 100% natural. I don't know about any of these things, but it isn't tested on animals, has no parabens (a preservative), and contains vegetable glycerin which fewer women seem to have problems with. It also amazingly enough tastes good. Usually when it comes to lubes I aspire to no taste at all because the lubes that have flavor tend to taste chemically and super sweet. This has a very light lemony vanilla flavor that actually tastes pretty darn yummy. It's also a pretty thick lube so it would be good with heavier play and should last a pretty long time. On top of all that it comes in a glass bottle, which is more environmentally friendly than the plastic bottles that most lube comes in.

The toy is the Delight, which like the Laya Spot in the Eco Sexy kit, is also made by Fun Factory. And if you haven't heard of the Delight yet you really need to learn more! This is a favorite of many sex toy owners and with good reason. This toy is gorgeous looking and performs fantastically. It is ergonomically shaped so that it hits your g-spot and clit at the same time and also has a perfect handle for you to grab on to. Now keep in mind that not all women are shaped the same, so it might not work perfectly for all women, but I've heard very few complaints. The toy vibrates in both parts but the controls are not separate. This may be my only real complaint about this toy. I personally prefer stronger vibrations on my clit than in my vagina so I couldn't get the vibrations just right for me. However, if that's not a problem for you, this toy is great. It offers several different speeds and vibration patterns, which is very similar to the laya spot. The toy is also made out of hard plastic and silicone so it is non-porous and body safe. And whats even better about it is that it is rechargeable! Another huge point on the eco-friendly scale: no batteries needed! You just place it in its matching case to charge.

Being the dork that I am though I have to admit that my favorite part of the whole gift set is the gift bag it all comes in. It is made out of recycled paper and wildflower seeds so that you can actually plant it in your backyard and watch it grow. How cool is this!?!? I'm actually debating whether I should plant this or regift it to share with someone else who will think it is super cool.

I loved the original Eco Sexy kit, but I gotta say that the Eco Delight Kit blows the original out of the water especially when it comes to eco-friendliness.

The Good, The Bad, and The Beautiful

Since for some reason you people still aren't sending me questions (all time high subscriber rate and yet no questions!?!?) I'm going to try something new here. I'd prefer to create reader-inspired content, but without that I had to come up with my own ideas for new stuff.

Working at a sex shop and trying to become a sex educator involves a lot of reading of sex ed books, watching of porn, using of toys, and in general trying to learn as much as possible. While I do this I am bound to come across great things and I'm bound to come across ... well not so great things. So today I give you:

The Good, The Bad, and The Beautiful (we don't believe in ugly sex here)

The Good: I just finished watching an incredible porn that has won lots of awards and Violet Blue apparently has raved about. So maybe I'm a little behind the times and you all already know about it. But in case you don't, you should really check out The Bi Apple. Here is a porn that has it all! We're talking real attractive bodies, people of color, real bisexuality (not just women's), real pleasure, good quality sex toys, strap-ons, male-male, male-female, female-female, and male-male-female sex. It also features some negotiation, which is pretty non-existent in mainstream porn. They are telling each other how they like it. One of the best pornos that I've seen and really the only one of its kind that I have seen thus far. Keeping in mind though that I didn't have too much experience with porn videos before I started my job at Early to Bed.

And here is the trailer for The Bi Apple:



The Bad:

I read sex ed books quite often and a lot of the information is good, but sometimes I come across some misinformation. I would hate for people to see this and think that it is accurate so I want to share some misinformation I found recently.

I grew up on The Guide to Getting it On. My mom "hid" a copy of the first edition in the bookshelf for me when I was pretty young. She understood that I probably had a lot of questions about the how-to's of sex that I would never ask her and she preferred I got that information from a reliable source instead of what the kids were saying on the playground. Go Sex Positive Mom! Well The Guide has been so popular that it is now more than twice its original size and is in its 5th edition. I read the 4th edition several years ago, but now reading the 5th edition and knowing so much more than I used to know I'm finding flaws. This book is VERY heterosexual and I feel like it doesn't need to be.

I have a few other issues with it as well, but we'll get right down to the nitty gritty of it here. The wonderful lube connoisseur, Metis Black of Tantus Silicone, told me that the chapter on lube was not very good so I kept her words in mind as I read through it. She was right; it isn't very good. In fact at one point they give straight up misinformation. On page 108 the book states "Most silicone lubes are water-based, which means you can use them with latex condoms." Yes, you can use silicone-based lubes with condoms but not because they are water-based. They aren't water-based, they are silicone-based. Hence why they are called that. You can use silicone-based lubricants with condoms because they aren't oil-based. Oil-based lubricants will deteriorate latex condoms.

Sometimes you will find hybrids out there that combine water-based and silicone-based lubes but that's a different story entirely. Sliquid Silk is an example of this.

Even though The Guide has these flaws I still strongly recommend it to heterosexuals because it is very well written and has a lot of really great information in it.

The Beautiful:

Erotic Nature photos by David Steinberg are amazing. They feature real couples having real sex. I love looking into their faces and seeing the desire, the love, and the fun. He even has a section on sex and disability, which seems completely absent from a lot of other artists' work.

Fisting

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Winner

And the winner of the lube contest is the writer of The Twat Poem! Thanks to everyone who entered and voted. I hope you've all enjoyed the contest as much as I did.

In other news, I will be in Minneapolis this weekend for Sexy Spring V. I will be giving a workshop entitled Owning Your Pleasure about how to get what you want out of your sex life by learning how to please yourself and ask for what you want. If you're in the area I encourage you to come to my workshop or any of the others that interest you. It should be a fun time. I also plan on making a stop at Smitten Kitten while there because I love to roam feminist sex toy shops.

Vote!

It has come time to vote for your favorite story in the lube contest. Whoever gets the most votes will win the bounty of lube! The voting will end Wednesday June 11th at 11:59PM CST. That gives you about a week to get all of your friends to vote for your favorite.

Contestant #3

Here is the final contestant in the lube contest. This entry is a lot longer than the others, but I encourage you to read it all. It is very clever and funny. Voting starts tomorrow!

The Last Day of Class
It was my last day of high school and I was glad to get the hell out of this shit hole of a school. I had a serious case of senioritis and had not done any work in about 6 ½ months, always dreaming of the day when I would be finally finished and could go on to all the wonderful things that college entailed. My second to last class was social studies with Mr. Jackson. Walking down the social studies hallway for the last time, I was on cloud nine. The 60 year old school never looked better. The peeling paint did not bother me, the blinking fluorescent light did not give me a headache for the first time in four years, the broken lockers actually looked secure, and that thick line of dust and hair above them looked like highway lines to the glory of graduation. I entered Mr. Jackson's room, giving him the old pistol salute with my right hand, and a wink with my left eye, "Yo, Mr. Jackson, what up."

"Just sit down, Mike. Two more hours and we are all out of here. Just keep the jackass routine to a minimum and this last day will be over," Mr. Jackson responded.

"I will sit down, but I make no promises about being a jackass. It just simply is not my routine." I sat down in my seat and began talking to my friend Josh, who I affectionately call Boo Boo because quite frankly he sounds like Boo Boo. "Hey, Boo Boo. You excited yet, last two hours."

"You damn right I am excited," he replied. "I am going to get trashed tonight at the senior party. When are you and Lizzie going to get there." My girlfriend Lizzie and I had been dating for two years now and had a nice romantic evening planned out at the local restaurant Totsi and then swinging by the party for a few minutes. I am not a party animal and a nice night with the girl I love is all I need.

"Probably around eleven. Our reservation is for eight so I figure three hours is about enough time to eat, change and then head to the party. What about you?" I asked him not really caring about the answer, partially because I already knew the answer.

"We are going down to the breakers and getting drunk and stoned and going for a dip," Boo Boo was getting excited and his voice was rising as well.

Mr. Jackson looked up directly at the two of us and said, "I am going to pretend I did not hear that but Boo Boo don't drown, please." I grinned, happy with myself that half the school now called my friend by the name I had given him. It was almost time for class and the other students had come in as well. Lizzie was sitting right in front of me looking hot as always and gave me a quick smile and a hello before the bell went off and Mr. Jackson got up from his desk and began to talk about who knows what. I was too interested in my girlfriend to really care. Finally I decided to pay attention as he finished his spiel . "Alright, continuing our unit on the end of the year, we are going to watch yet another video today. I am not entirely sure what this one is about because it did not have a label, but there were slim pickings in the AV dept. So here it goes, Karen get the lights when I get the film going. "

Mr. Jackson walked to the back of the room and began to get the film ready. He really did mean film too. My school is so crappy that we still have the old projectors that have reels of film. He put the wheels on both sides of the projector and started up the 50 year old machine. Click, click, click, click. The machine began making that all familiar sound as white boxes flew past on the screen. Great I can get some shut eye and have plenty of stamina to party tonight, I thought putting my hands behind my head and leaning back. The white boxes were completely replaced by numbers over a circle 4,3,2,1 the excitement was overwhelming, well as overwhelming as something that was about to put me to sleep. My eyes were beginning to close as the movie started. However, I was rocked back to conscoiousness when the narrator began the film with the following introduction:

"Since the dawn of time, man has always struggled against friction. Even though without it, people would not be able to walk and cars would endlessly spin their tires never moving an inch like a sixteen year old with a souped up Subaru in a high school parking lot, but too much friction can generate heat, pain, chaffing and dissatisfied intercourse. But the over worked mother, necessity, produced yet another bastard and man created LUBE." The music gained cadence and the chorus chanted "LUBE, LUBE, LUBE"

My brow furled in confusion as I looked over at Boo Boo who looked pretty bugged out, so I turned to Lizzie and asked, "What the hell is this."

"I don't know but lube is good so I am not complaining," she replied with a smile. I became convinced that this was just a strange coincidence and sat back in my seat looking forward to learning about lube. After the title sequence of the three Lubes, the image was replaced by that of a kid around the age of 20 with a strained look on his face coupled with brief twinges of pain. He cried out in pain and looked at his crotch and then at his hand, frustrated. The kid became quite shocked when a middle aged man stepped into the picture wearing a suit and sporting a flat top.

"Hello Jimmy. Having a little problem there." The kid shook his head yes. "Well, Jimmy, all you need is lube."

"Geez, mister what's lube." Jimmy asked.

"Well Jimmy, lube is what makes the world go round, come with me Jimmy and learn all about the magic that is lube." The man walked out of the room and the kid had no choice but to pull up his pants and follow him out the door. They walked outside and down the street to one of Jimmy's neighbors bent over with his head underneath the hood of his car as the engine clanked together giving off smoke and heat.

"You see Jimmy, Lubrication is the process, or technique employed to reduce wear of one or both surfaces in close proximity, and moving relative to each other, by interposing a substance called lubricant between the surfaces to carry or to help carry the load of the opposing surfaces," the man casually explained to Jimmy as he lit a pipe and puffed a few smoke rings.

"Wha???" Jimmy asked puzzled.

"Oh, Jimmy it is not really that difficult of the concept, you like cars don't you Jimmy."

"Do I," Jimmy said as he furiously nodded his head.

"See that engine there. Well, the pistons inside of the cylinders are moving up and down extremely fast. Metal rubbing on metal creates friction which creates heat. Eventually Mr. Jones here won't have a car because the engine will seize." As the man said this, the engine screeched to a stop and Mr. Jones looked forlorn as he wiped his brow. The man moved forward and reached into his jacket. "Here you go Mr. Jones, all you need is a little lube." He handed Mr. Jones a can of oil and then a star wipe revealed the engine up and running again and purring like a kitten. "You see Jimmy, the oil in the engine worked as a lube to allow the metal parts of the engine to slide smoothly over each other without creating excessive friction."

"Oh, I think I am beginning to understand." The scene was then replaced by a parking lot over looking a scenic river. A line of parked cars were spread out evenly along the parking lot. Two people in one of the car's back seat were lying on top of each other with their pants down around their ankles moving around trying to get the right angle for penetration.

"No, James, stop… Not like that. ..No that hurts. ..Just stop. ..It is not going to work." The senior prom king and queen broke off their sexual interlude and sat staring at each other. "We cannot do it James it is too uncomfortable."

"But what are we going to do. We have been talking about going all the way all year." The guy replied dejectedly.

"It is just too uncomfortable James, there is too much friction." And with that Jimmy's ears perked up.

"They can't have sex because there is too much friction between their privates. They need lube to allow the penis to smoothly penetrate the vagina," Jimmy exclaimed. He reached into a bag a grabbed a nice big jug of petroleum jelly and began running towards the car.

"Wait a second Jimmy, not so fast there with the lube." The man said. Jimmy stopped in his tracks and looked at the petroleum jelly in an inquisitive way. "You see Jimmy not all lubricants work in every situation. That petroleum jelly you have there is made out of the same material as the motor oil. More importantly though, it is made up of the same material that the condom these two sweethearts were planning on using in an attempt to keep her from getting pregnant and also, I am not entirely sure how much she should trust James. Regardless, petroleum jelly degrades latex condoms and could lead to condom failure."

"I did not realize that lube was such a complicated topic," Jimmy replied as he scratched his head.

"It is Jimmy. What these love birds need is a quality silicone or water based lubricant like the one I have here. These types of lubricant will not degrade the condom like an oil based lubricant. Now you can take it to them." Jimmy grabbed the lube and rushed over to the car and knocked on the door.

"Here you go, this will allow you to have sex with less friction," he said as he threw the lube onto the back seat. The girl in the back began to scream at the top of her lungs as Jimmy walked back to the man who was laughing. James got out of the car half naked holding onto his letter jacket trying to catch up to Jimmy but was having trouble covering himself.

Jimmy and the man walked to the edge of the screen and then a cut brought them back to Jimmy's bedroom. "You see Jimmy, lube is needed in all sorts of activities."

"Wow, thanks for helping me out and teaching me about lube. Now I know that I need lube when I masturbate. Now if you would please excuse me I have to get back to where I was."

"Sure thing Jimmy. You see, from the Romans dipping rags in animal fat to lubricate wagon wheels to modern cars today, everyone uses lube. The science of lubrication really only took off with the industrial revolution in the nineteenth century paving the way for today's improved lubes, including all of your favorite sexual lubes. So whether yesterday or today. Whether fixing your automobile or having sex with your partner, always make sure that you use enough lube." The music began to play again as the chorus chanted, LUBE, LUBE, LUBE.

The film flipped back and forth in the reel as the film ended and the lights came back on. The bell rang and we all left class together more confused than ever. "What did we just watch. Why was an old guy walking around giving advice about lube to a college kid," I asked.

"Who cares," Lizzie replied. "I learned a lot and maybe I would like to put my knowledge to good use. Do you want to skip last hour and go swimming at the breakers." She smiled and gave me a wicked wink. At that point, my mind completely forgot about all of my questions concerning the movie and were focused on leaving school and swimming. We hauled ass out of the back door and walked the two blocks to the Lake hand in hand confident in our knowledge of lube and happy that I had all that lube from the contest.

Contestant #2

Now contestant #2's entry:

Picture this:

A doorknob with a string tied around it. String is looped around a pulley. When door is opened, the string pulls taut, which upsets a little bucket of ball bearings. The ball bearings pour into a vertically-placed pvc pipe which has been filled with water-based lube. The additional weight of the ball bearings causes a hinged cover on the distal end of the pvc pipe to swing open, releasing the lube-coated ball bearings onto the floor. At the same time, a match that has been taped to the top of the door scrapes against sandpaper which has been taped to the inside of the door frame. the match ignites a cup of silicon-based lube, which is upset by the door opening and spills onto the head of whoever is trying to open it. Flaming, arm-flailing chaos ensues. Most awesome burglar system ever!

Contestant #1

The lube contest has come to a close and I have picked the best three stories. It was a difficult task, but I tried to pick the ones that were the most creative and also the most different from each other. So over the next 3 days I will post each of the stories and on the 4th day I will put up a poll for everyone to vote. So without further ado here is the first story:

There was once a furry twat
Who wanted a sexy swat

So she scrubbed and she bathed
winked in the mirror and waved

and on her way she went.

This twat was on a mission
and she wasn't going fishin'

she wanted a hard cock
strong and solid like a rock

The twat needed lots of lube
So she went and picked up a tube.

The store was all out
so, she started to shout

"NOW HOW WILL I GET LAID??!!"

The sad twat was out of luck
All she needed was a fuck

Out of the corner of her eye
Someone was there- Oh my!

It was Garnet to save the day!

She came bearing a gift
Which gave the twat a lift

She smiled and opened her hand
The present was large and grand

The twat declared "OH SHIT!!"
So she greased up her slit

And finally her wish came true

Garnet had saved the twat
The lube helped a lot!

The twat got fucked
And then she got sucked

All thanks to Garnet!

Lube Contest

Hey everyone I know more of you must want free lube! Send me an email with your story by 11:59PM CST 5/31/08 in order to enter. That's only a couple days away! Details here. Good luck everyone!

Lube Experiment (Now with video!)

So I was reading a sex education book that is a bit out of date and has some inaccurate information in it, but otherwise is a reasonably good resource. Anyways the point is that it said that silicone lube is highly flammable. Oddly enough in all of the reading I've done I'd never heard this before. Or actually a more likely story is that it just hasn't stuck. Well it will stick now because today we did lube science.

That's right, we lit lubes on fire. I have a much larger supply of water-based lubricants since I use a lot of sex toys and I don't want them to melt. So we tried 3 different water based lubricants: one with no glycerine and no parabens, one with glycerine but no parabens, and one with no glycerine but with parabens. None of these were flammable. In fact they all extinguished the fire so if you're ever in a fire and there is nothing to put it out with, but you have water-based lube handy it may just save your life ... but I wouldn't count on it.

You will want to be absolutely sure that that lube you're putting out your fire with is water-based though because as the book I was reading said, silicone lube is indeed highly flammable. I only had one brand of silicone lubricant to test unfortunately (the other one is going to be given to the winner of the lube contest that you should all be entering). The lube was Doc Johnson's iLube and when a lit match was held to a small puddle of the stuff the lube burst into flames. I was amazed at this and was not happy just knowing about one lube so I called a friend and had him set flame to his Eros silicone lube and he said that it also burst into flames. So I'd say that our results are pretty conclusive. Silicone lube is very flammable.

But why do you care, right? You're using it for sex, not as a lining in your baby's crib. You should care because silicone lube does not come off easily. This is a great property for a lube, but not such a great property if you're dealing with fire. This can especially be a concern if you play with candle wax during sex, are the romantic room full of candles type, or you like to cook a snack between sex romps to get more energy. I am imagining hands and genitals bursting into flames at very inopportune moments (really every moment is inopportune when it comes to bursting into flames though). So the point of this blog is to say that if you're using silicone lubricants BE CAREFUL!!! Wash your hands with soap and water before you handle fire and do not wipe your silicone lube covered hands on towels that may be close to flames.

Update: We redid part of the experiment using only Maximus and iLube and made a video. Enjoy!

Update and Reminder

A quick update about me and then a reminder.

Last week I graduated college so I now have a BA in psychology and gender and women's studies. Go me! Also, about a month ago my girlfriend asked me to marry her and last week we set a date: March 21, 2009. And to quickly answer all the questions we both get often: No, it is not legal in our state and no, we are not traveling to a place where it is legal. There is no point in doing that since our state wouldn't recognize it anyways and we're not going to wait until the government catches up with our relationship to get married. We're ready now.

And now for the reminder. Don't forget that the lube contest is still going on! Please send me submissions so that there is actual competition between stories and its more fun. If I only have a couple submissions it becomes lame. There is a really good chance that you could be the winner of a bunch of lube! For details go here. Remember, contest ends midnight CST on 5/31/08. That's less than 2 weeks away! So get to writing!

Sex Toys 101 Kit

This month's Babeland toy review is the Sex Toys 101 Kit. It contains 3 sex toys (the Nubby G, a Silver Bullet, and the Little Flirt) a book about sex toys, a lube sampler pack, and 4 AA batteries.

First, the toys. I had never actually tried a Nubby G before even though it is one of the more popular yet cheaper toys on the market. The toy is made out of jelly which is a cheap porous material. It is relatively low quality, but for the price you really can't complain. Babeland told me they were sending me their new Nubby G which was now phthalate-free, but the box says nothing about that so I can't say that it actually is. The toy is angled for g-spot stimulation, which it does pretty well. But overall I have to say that I was not very impressed with this toy. Even though I don't like internal vibrations they aren't a big deal because I know a lot of women enjoy that, but it had other flaws which I felt were unforgivable. First, the nubbies for which it is named are not the soft pliable nubs I thought they would be. They were hard and pointy and not at all comfortable. Secondly, the platform which the nubs were on are probably supposed to hit one's clit, but either both mine and my girlfriend's anatomy are completely different from all women or this toy is just not designed well because you have to work on angling the toy in what I believe is the wrong direction in order to get it to hit your clit. That's a BIG drawback. One upside though is that the vibe is relatively quiet and yet still pretty powerful. Overall this toy seems to get mixed reviews. It seems people either love it or they hate it. I gotta say I hate it though and I really doubt I'd recommend it to anyone.

The silver bullet, on the other hand, is pretty much a requirement for anyone who owns sex toys whether you're a collector or just starting to buy them. It is a very simple, cheap vibe that is really versatile. It can be used during masturbation or partner play and it is really unintimidating for those of you who find sex toys a little scary. Bullets are made of hard plastic so they are non-porous and you can use sleeves on them to add a little more fun and some of them will even fit in cockrings. You should NEVER use a bullet internally though. I've seen it done in some porns and it makes me really nervous.

The Little Flirt is a silicone butt plug made by Tantus. It is a perfect butt plug for beginners. It is very small and easy to keep inside. Tantus does a great job of designing sex toys that really work well with the body by using the best materials and really caring about its customers. And the best part about it is that it is super easy to clean. Silicone is non-porous and can be boiled, washed with soap and water, put on the top shelf of your dishwasher, bleached, you name it. If you're looking for a first time butt plug I highly recommend this one.


The book, Sex Toys 101: A Playfully Uninhibited Guide, is well written, informative, and has beautiful artistic pictures of sex toys. However, the downside of a book like this is that the sex toy industry is becoming more and more popular and moving faster than ever. That means that this book quickly becomes out of date. Even since its printing there are new sex toys out there that need to be covered that aren't in this book and there are other toys in the book that you'll have a really hard time finding. What would be nice is if they could have an online database of this kind of information that could be constantly updated.

The Lube Sampler Pack comes with 7 different lube pillows that you can try out. They may or may not be the ones on the site as they may substitute others if they run out. My pack was a bit different than on the site, but still included a great sampling of different lubes. If you're not sure what lube you'd like best, lube sampler packs are a great way of figuring this out. Its a lot cheaper than buying a big bottle of lube, deciding you don't like it, and then buying another big bottle of lube. (Speaking of lube, don't forget about the lube contest I'm having! Entries are accepted until 5/31.)

The kit also comes with 4 AA batteries which is always a nice touch. There's nothing worse than getting brand new sex toys and then realizing that you're out of batteries.

When Lube Goes Bad

Speaking of lube ... here's a lube question from one of our readers.

Glycerin free water based lubes without expiration date? How long would you keep them.. unopened and opened alike?

Water-based lubes are usually good for about 1-3 years, but you can tell if lube is bad. When lube goes bad it smells bad and/or the consistency changes. Before putting it on any sensitive parts open it up, smell it, pour some on your fingers and rub it between them. Does it feel, look, and smell like it should? If so then go ahead and play, but if not then toss it. If the lube is more than 3 years old then just toss it. Its not worth the risk. This is why it is good to only buy lube in the quantity that you'll need it. Don't buy super enormous tubs of lube if you aren't going to use it all up in a couple years. In order to make your lube last make sure to store it in a cool dry place and always cap it.

In other news, Ask Garnet is getting a second syndication! Starting Monday, every month one of my posts will be put up on the Geek Girls Online zine. GGO is a great porn site featuring sexy naked geeky girls. Go check them out!

Take My Lube Please!

As I was cleaning my apartment the other day I decided that I have way more lube than I will ever need or use. I get lots of lube samples from working at Early to Bed and reviewing toys for Babeland and while I love lube I really just don't need this much. So I've decided to pass my good fortune on to you!

All you have to do is write me a story about what you would do with all of this lube. It doesn't have to be true and it can be sexy, sultry, lovey, funny, silly, or ridiculous. You can write me a story about hot sex or you can write me a story about how you'd become a super hero and lube would be your secret weapon. It does not matter! All I want is for it to be a well written story that is fun and in no way offensive (sex is fun, bigotry is offensive). I will read all of the stories and will pick the top 3. Once I've picked the top three I will post the stories and readers will get to vote for their favorite. If your story was picked or if you're a reader who just really loves one of the stories you need to get as many of your friends to vote for it as possible.

The prize will be about $35 worth of lube and a bottle of Babeland Toy Cleaner. Here is the lube list:
1 2oz bottle emerita natural lubricant with vitamin e (w)
1 4oz bottle babeland lube (w)
1 pillow o'my blueberry cheesecake natural lubricant (w)
1 pillow sliquid h2o (w)
1 pillow slippery stuff (w)
1 pillow babeland lube (w)
1 pillow fun factory bodyfluid (s)
2 pillows liquid silk (w)
2 pillows maximus (w)
1 pillow hydra-smooth (w)
w=water-based
s=silicone-based

So send your stories to garnetjoyce@gmail.com with the subject "Lube Contest." Friends and family are eligible to win, but my fiance is not (damnit I'm trying to get the lube OUT of the house!). Once a winner is picked they will be notified by email. If picked you will need to provide me with a name and address so that I can ship your prize. I will not sell your information or send you anything besides your prize. Package will be in a plain brown box so that you aren't embarrassed about winning a ton of lube. All entries must be received by 05/31/08 at midnight CST.

UTIs from Sex

Have you ever heard of anyone having UTI symptoms after sex? This has happened with my husband, plus the last 2 guys I dated. I've been to doctors, and they can't think of any reason this would be happening, especially since we seem to be doing everything right (pee before and after, wipe front to back, plenty of lube, etc.). Pretty much any time I have sex now I know that I'm going to have to take Azo or Uristat immediately after.

My husband was thinking it might be the lube-- I'm uber sensitive to like, everything. When we used to use condoms, I'd get really irritated, and even at work I have to use Nitrile gloves. So, we don't use them, obviously. A few years ago, I used to use Wet Original, before they took out the nonoxynol-9, and that was like, the best shit ever. Now I feel like I can't use it, and I feel like everything else makes it burn (though I haven't tried everything else). What's out there for uber-sensitive skin? Please don't tell me I can't have sex anymore.

The only thing my ob/gyne told me was that she didn't see anything there, and that if I'd be willing to give it a shot, she could prescribe a numbing gel for me. Apparently some people use it during sex, but why the hell would I want to do that? At least just right after. It becomes painful pretty much immediately after I orgasm, but not during sex. Ugh.. any thoughts? Should I give the numbing gel a shot? It just sounds so un-sexy, but I also hate feeling like this.

I want to preface this with the fact that I am not a doctor or trained in the medical field at all. So really all I can do is offer you some options to try to see if they help, but I can't really suggest anything medically. You've definitely done the right thing by going to doctors and have hopefully gotten a second opinion on this matter as well.

I have definitely heard of women getting UTIs from vaginal intercourse. A very good friend of mine had a lot of problems with it. She fixed her issue by doing a lot of the things you're doing now like peeing right before and after sex. She also takes cranberry supplement pills every day. Another thing I would suggest is to try different positions. If your husband's penis curves then try to get into positions where the curve won't be directed towards the front of your body. So for example, if his penis curves upwards try doggy style instead of missionary position.

It seems odd that you have hyper sensitive skin and yet you don't have a problem with nonoxynol-9. That stuff can wreak havoc if you're sensitive. But since you say you're sensitive I would suggest lubes which don't have a lot of ingredients in them. You will not be able to find these kinds of lube at your local Walgreens so you'll probably have to order them online unless you live near a high quality sex toy shop. I would suggest Sliquid H2O or Astroglide that is paraben and glycerine free. And if you haven't tried silicone-based lubes you should as they are hypo-allergenic. They can't be used with silicone sex toys, but they can be great for intercourse. There are a lot of different types out there, but I'd recommend any of the Pjur silicone lubes which come in both liquid and gel.

You could also try using polyurethane condoms to see if those help at all. There are two brands on the market currently: Trojan Supras and Durex Avanti.

I don't really like the idea of you having to use a numbing gel if you don't have to. Especially since it's not going to keep you from getting UTIs. If none of the things I suggested above help I'd think about seeing a urologist. They may know something that your doctor doesn't.

Eco-Sexy Kit

Speaking of high quality feminist sex toy shops, here is another review of a kit that Babeland sent over for me to review.

The kit is The Eco-Sexy Kit and includes a Laya Spot vibrator, a massage candle, matches, Emerita Natural Lube, and 3 Mamba Condoms.

The Laya Spot is an ergonomic, battery-operated, hand-held vibe made by Fun Factory. Fun Factory is a company that sex toy lovers should keep an eye on. They are a German company that makes high quality, innovative, colorful, fun sex toys. The Laya Spot is no exception to this. It comes in lots of different colors; mine is lime green and magenta. It is made out of elastomer which is durable, hypoallergenic, and soft. It is porous so it can't be sterilized but this is not as big of a concern since this toy is only for clitoral stimulation and can easily be wiped down with soap and water.

But enough of the technical details. What you really want to know is how this toy performs. With 8 different speeds and 4 different pulsations almost anyone is bound to find a setting they enjoy. The controls take some getting used to, but after you figure them out (the toy comes with a manual) they are pretty intuitive. And unlike many vibes on the market that shut off when you keep pressing the button to make the vibe go faster, the Laya Spot does not turn off after you've hit the highest speed. As far as intensity goes, the Laya Spot is pretty good for a battery-operated vibe, but if you're used to a plug-in like the Hitachi Magic Wand it will only be good for a warm-up. The Laya Spot is great for partner sex as it is easy to hold and small enough that it won't get in the way. This is a high quality sex toy that would make a great addition to anyone's collection. Or am I the only one who thinks of sex toys as collector's items?

If you have never heard of or tried a massage candle you absolutely must go out and get one. I first started hearing about these little wonders a couple years ago and absolutely love them. If you don't know, massage candles are made out of soy wax which melts at a lower temperature. Light the candle for a few minutes, blow it out, and then pour the melted wax/massage oil onto your partner for a nice warm massage. Because the wax melts at a lower temperature, the wax is not scalding hot like most candle wax. One thing to keep in mind with massage candles is that they will stain your sheets so put an old towel down under your partner before giving them a massage.

Babeland carries these candles in a variety of scents including Chocolate Hazelnut, Mango Vanilla, Mojito Peppermint, Rice Flower, and Jasmine Ginger. I received the Chocolate Hazelnut, which smells really good, although a bit strong for my sensitive nose. The one thing that I did not like about this candle was the taste. I'm not saying you should be able to eat the stuff, but if you want to kiss your partner in the places you massaged earlier it is preferable for it to have either a nice taste or barely any at all. These massage candles taste awful. There are massage candles on the market with a better taste to them. If this doesn't bother you though, these candles are wonderful. Sending matches along with the candle was a nice touch.

The water-based lube that came with the kit was Emerita Natural Lube with Vitamin E. Emerita is a woman-run company based out of Portland, OR which seems to focus mostly on health and wellness products for menopausal women. I don't know about its claim of being natural (at least one of the ingredients cannot be found in nature), but I do know that natural doesn't always mean better. It is paraben-free, which is a preservative that may cause reactions in some women. It does have glycerin which some believe can cause yeast infections for women who are prone to them. Glycerin also leaves a sticky tacky feel after the lube dries up. It has vitamin E in it, which if you like that is fine. I personally think that additives like this are silly and unnecessary, but if you think they make a difference then that's great. This lube is of a medium thickness, which may make it ok for anal play and it is long lasting. It has an odd smell to it and its taste is a little on the sweet side from all the sugar alcohols in it. This wouldn't make it into my top favorite lubes, but I do like supporting woman-run businesses.

The Mamba condoms are, according to Babeland's website, "produced by a well-regarded Swedish non-profit whose testing process is 15 times more stringent than any other condom company in the world!" Sounds promising. I wasn't able to try them, but I have a male friend who will be comparing these condoms to a Babeland condom and his usual Trojans in an upcoming blog.

All in all, a pretty great kit, but what about this "eco-sexy" part Babeland is claiming? What makes these products more socially and environmentally-friendly?

Well, Fun Factory vibes are durable so they should last a long time, meaning that you will be creating less waste by buying fewer vibes. Their packaging is also a lot more environmentally friendly than many sex toy companies that like to wrap their toys in big plastic blister packs. Fun Factory toys are wrapped in a small amount of plastic which consists of pollution-free PET material. They are then housed in cardboard boxes that are sized perfectly for the toys. The packaging even reminds you of how to dispose of batteries in an environmentally-safe way.

Not sure exactly how the massage candle is "eco-sexy," but it is most likely vegan. Although I have not found anything that claims it to be so, so don't quote me on that one.

Emerita is a woman-run company, which we love and they claim that the lube is vegan and not tested on animals.

The condoms are made by a non-profit company with a higher standard of safety than any other company. Keeping the world disease free and doing it all without the goal of making a ton of cash in the process is definitely eco-sexy. Plus the company is in Sweden which is a very liberal and peaceful nation.

Valentines Day Gift Idea

So it is less than a week from Valentine's Day and you still haven't gotten that special person in your life a present. What are you going to do?

Buy them a sex toy! Sex toys make incredible presents for your spouse, girl/boyfriend, fuck buddy, best friend, siblings, or even for yourself. Babeland has a variety of different gift kits that you can choose from. They quite generously sent over 4 of them for me to review. Now there is absolutely no way I'd be able to test all of them out before Vday, but I chose the one kit that I thought would make a great gift for any woman out there, whether she has never had a sex toy or owns several.


That kit is the Bunny Love Kit. This kit contains the ever famous rabbit habit. Even better news is that this favorite has been updated with a new elastomer material that is latex and phthalate free. That means less allergic reactions and the toy is non-toxic. Elastomer is porous however, so it is important to clean it well and you can always use a condom to lessen the risk of infection.

Another new feature is that the rotating pearls are now attached to the mechanics of the toy and don't tumble randomly. This has pros and cons. Pro: a more consistent feeling. Con: If you have strong PC muscles you may stop the rotation of the pearls or even break the mechanics of the toy. Eek!

The rabbit habit is a favorite among women because it has a lot of stimulation going on at once. Some women even swear by it. The clit, the g-spot, and the opening of the vagina are all stimulated at once. The vibrating, clit-stimulating rabbit has a stronger vibration than one would assume from a AA operated toy, but it still does not hold a candle to the plugins like a hitachi magic wand. So if your special woman normally uses a powerful vibrator she may not get as much joy from this toy as many women do. However, it is relatively easy to turn the vibrator off, turn the toy to the side, and use a hitachi along side the rabbit habit for a rather powerful orgasm.

This would hardly be a kit if it only came with the rabbit habit. It also includes a 4 oz bottle of Babe Lube, a 6 oz bottle of Babeland Toy Cleaner, 3 AA batteries, and one Babeland condom.

First, the lube. Babe Lube is a water-based lube that is glycerin-free and has no taste or odor. Glycerin-free means that it is less likely to cause yeast infections and is less likely to get that icky sticky feeling once it starts to dry. It is a pretty thick lubricant which makes it ok for anal play. These are all great things, but the big downside to this lube is that it dries quickly. It doesn't leave you with the sticky feeling once dry, but you may have to reapply especially when using toys or during anal play. Unlike a lot of water-based lubes, when drying out you cannot refresh this lube with water or saliva. It does not bring the slipperiness back.

Sex toy cleaners, in my opinion, are unnecessary. That being said, many people like them a lot. I just feel that you're better off using soap and water.

The batteries were a great touch! I was completely out of AA batteries so it was nice not having to go to the store to stock up. I could open the box up, clean the toy, put the batteries in, and go to town.

The kit also came with a condom which is a nice touch for those who are worried about the elastomer being porous. It is a latex condom so those with latex allergies should not use it of course. I can't give a review of the condom since 1. I am allergic to latex and 2. Even if I weren't, my partner is a female so a real review is beyond my ability. Don't fret though! I found a willing young man to try out a few condoms for me and write a review up. So look forward to that.

So my overall feeling of the Bunny Love Kit is that the rabbit habit is great and is a good buy, but the rest of it I can take or leave. I'd say get the rabbit habit on it's own, a pack of AA batteries, and your own lube would make a great gift.

Watch for reviews of other Babeland gift kits in coming months that include: The Menage a Trois Fantasy Kit, The Sex Toys 101 Kit , and The Eco-Sexy Kit.