Take My Lube Please!

As I was cleaning my apartment the other day I decided that I have way more lube than I will ever need or use. I get lots of lube samples from working at Early to Bed and reviewing toys for Babeland and while I love lube I really just don't need this much. So I've decided to pass my good fortune on to you!

All you have to do is write me a story about what you would do with all of this lube. It doesn't have to be true and it can be sexy, sultry, lovey, funny, silly, or ridiculous. You can write me a story about hot sex or you can write me a story about how you'd become a super hero and lube would be your secret weapon. It does not matter! All I want is for it to be a well written story that is fun and in no way offensive (sex is fun, bigotry is offensive). I will read all of the stories and will pick the top 3. Once I've picked the top three I will post the stories and readers will get to vote for their favorite. If your story was picked or if you're a reader who just really loves one of the stories you need to get as many of your friends to vote for it as possible.

The prize will be about $35 worth of lube and a bottle of Babeland Toy Cleaner. Here is the lube list:
1 2oz bottle emerita natural lubricant with vitamin e (w)
1 4oz bottle babeland lube (w)
1 pillow o'my blueberry cheesecake natural lubricant (w)
1 pillow sliquid h2o (w)
1 pillow slippery stuff (w)
1 pillow babeland lube (w)
1 pillow fun factory bodyfluid (s)
2 pillows liquid silk (w)
2 pillows maximus (w)
1 pillow hydra-smooth (w)
w=water-based
s=silicone-based

So send your stories to garnetjoyce@gmail.com with the subject "Lube Contest." Friends and family are eligible to win, but my fiance is not (damnit I'm trying to get the lube OUT of the house!). Once a winner is picked they will be notified by email. If picked you will need to provide me with a name and address so that I can ship your prize. I will not sell your information or send you anything besides your prize. Package will be in a plain brown box so that you aren't embarrassed about winning a ton of lube. All entries must be received by 05/31/08 at midnight CST.

UTIs from Sex

Have you ever heard of anyone having UTI symptoms after sex? This has happened with my husband, plus the last 2 guys I dated. I've been to doctors, and they can't think of any reason this would be happening, especially since we seem to be doing everything right (pee before and after, wipe front to back, plenty of lube, etc.). Pretty much any time I have sex now I know that I'm going to have to take Azo or Uristat immediately after.

My husband was thinking it might be the lube-- I'm uber sensitive to like, everything. When we used to use condoms, I'd get really irritated, and even at work I have to use Nitrile gloves. So, we don't use them, obviously. A few years ago, I used to use Wet Original, before they took out the nonoxynol-9, and that was like, the best shit ever. Now I feel like I can't use it, and I feel like everything else makes it burn (though I haven't tried everything else). What's out there for uber-sensitive skin? Please don't tell me I can't have sex anymore.

The only thing my ob/gyne told me was that she didn't see anything there, and that if I'd be willing to give it a shot, she could prescribe a numbing gel for me. Apparently some people use it during sex, but why the hell would I want to do that? At least just right after. It becomes painful pretty much immediately after I orgasm, but not during sex. Ugh.. any thoughts? Should I give the numbing gel a shot? It just sounds so un-sexy, but I also hate feeling like this.

I want to preface this with the fact that I am not a doctor or trained in the medical field at all. So really all I can do is offer you some options to try to see if they help, but I can't really suggest anything medically. You've definitely done the right thing by going to doctors and have hopefully gotten a second opinion on this matter as well.

I have definitely heard of women getting UTIs from vaginal intercourse. A very good friend of mine had a lot of problems with it. She fixed her issue by doing a lot of the things you're doing now like peeing right before and after sex. She also takes cranberry supplement pills every day. Another thing I would suggest is to try different positions. If your husband's penis curves then try to get into positions where the curve won't be directed towards the front of your body. So for example, if his penis curves upwards try doggy style instead of missionary position.

It seems odd that you have hyper sensitive skin and yet you don't have a problem with nonoxynol-9. That stuff can wreak havoc if you're sensitive. But since you say you're sensitive I would suggest lubes which don't have a lot of ingredients in them. You will not be able to find these kinds of lube at your local Walgreens so you'll probably have to order them online unless you live near a high quality sex toy shop. I would suggest Sliquid H2O or Astroglide that is paraben and glycerine free. And if you haven't tried silicone-based lubes you should as they are hypo-allergenic. They can't be used with silicone sex toys, but they can be great for intercourse. There are a lot of different types out there, but I'd recommend any of the Pjur silicone lubes which come in both liquid and gel.

You could also try using polyurethane condoms to see if those help at all. There are two brands on the market currently: Trojan Supras and Durex Avanti.

I don't really like the idea of you having to use a numbing gel if you don't have to. Especially since it's not going to keep you from getting UTIs. If none of the things I suggested above help I'd think about seeing a urologist. They may know something that your doctor doesn't.

Cramping from Masturbation

I've noticed that occasionally after I masturbate I experience dull pain in my abdomen very similar to menstrual cramps. They don't last very long and they aren't as intense as the cramps I usually get during my period (ie no pills are required), and it doesn't happen every time. I was wondering if you might have any idea what's causing this. Could it have anything to do with the way I generally go about pleasuring myself, which consists of clitoris stimulation with a soft object (like a pillow) while lying on my stomach?

When you orgasm your vagina and uterus go through muscular contractions. This is pretty similar to how the uterus contracts to start the menstrual flow. Because these contractions are similar they can both cause the same cramping pain even though the result of the contractions is something entirely different. This is also why some women can give themselves cramps from masturbating on their periods and why some women can actually decrease their cramps from masturbating on their periods. It all really depends on how your body reacts.

Monitor when your cramps are happening. It may be based on your cycle, or it may not be, but I really doubt it has anything to do with how you're masturbating. If you find that the cramping is based on your cycle you may be able to figure out which days you can masturbate without getting cramps and which days you can't. But as long as the cramps aren't really painful I wouldn't worry about it too much. If the orgasm is worth some slight pain from cramping afterwards then keep doing what you're doing.

Menage a Trois Fantasy Kit

Time again for another Babeland kit review. This time I will be talking about the Menage a Trois Fantasy Kit which consists of a thong-style nylon-strapped harness that allows for double penetration (that is penetration of a woman's vagina and anus at the same time) and a Tantus red silicone dildo. The set also includes several metal o-rings of different sizes and one rubber o-ring.

First, lets talk about the harness. It is a nylon harness which means that it is pretty easy to care for and easy to adjust. The packaging says that the harness fits up to 60" hips. It is a thong style harness, which I was a bit disappointed by. I prefer the two strap style (or jock strap style as it is sometimes called) because it does not go up my ass crack. Now some people may enjoy having their genitals and ass crack rubbed by a thin piece of nylon strap, but I am definitely not one of them. I find that it causes irritation. No biggie though, I just wore my underwear under the harness to improve my level of comfort. Now the cool thing about the harness is that it can be worn by a man or a woman. The o-rings double as a cock ring for men or you can just slip another dildo in there if you are a woman. Your partner will have to be female-bodied for it to work effectively though.

The dildo that comes with it is silicone and made by Tantus which makes high quality sex toys. It measures 5" x 1-1/8", which is probably too big for someone who is just starting out, but would be great for someone with intermediate or expert level experience. Either way though, you should warm your partner up first with a finger or a smaller butt toy before sticking this one in.

Now while I usually put a lot of faith in Tantus products I have to say that this dildo does not meet my high standards for them. There are just a couple flaws in this dildo (not sure if they all come like this or if I was just unlucky) that I was unhappy with. First of all, the base is not completely flat on the bottom. It is slightly rounded, which isn't a big deal, but for me is a bit of a hassle. After I clean a sex toy and before I begin to use it I like to be able to stand it up on its base to keep it away from any surfaces which may have germs, dust, etc on them. When the base is not completely flat, the toy tends to tip over. Not impossible to work around, but annoying just the same. The second flaw is barely worth mentioning, but is still not the quality that I have come to expect from Tantus. The dildo has a bump and a couple of dimples on the head of it. Normally I see completely smooth dildos from Tantus. Despite these flaws though I am happy that it is a silicone dildo so that it is easy to sanitize, which is especially important for any toys going up the butt.

I don't know about this claim of feeling like you're having a menage a trois. I think that is a bit ridiculous, but if you or your partner enjoys hands-free double penetration then this toy is great. So far I've only tried it in the doggy-style position, which is what is recommended on the Babeland site, but it worked really well and the dildos seemed to be spaced perfectly for double penetration. The only real downside to this type of toy is that changing positions is a bit cumbersome since you can't switch from doggy to missionary or vice versa without switching dildos washing things off, or changing condoms.

There is one thing that I would have added to this kit that I'm actually surprised that Babeland does not include. Many of their other kits seem to come with a lubricant, but this one does not, which is surprising since it involves anal play which requires lube. Possibly reasoning for this would be that if you're using this kit you probably already have experience with anal sex and therefore have a lube of your own. I still think a sample of a nice thick lube like Maximus would have been a nice touch though.

Lesbian Porn

Garnet,

Ok, I watched "The Crash Pad" and I think it was really hot. The only thing I don't understand is the top/butch/not sure what to call them in the scenes just seemed to wear the strap on and didn't really get anything back as far as vaginal stimulation. Is this typical as far as real lesbian sex or just a porn thing?

A little background information first: This question was written to me by a straight male who frequents one of the same message boards that I do. I had previously given a recommendation for anyone who wanted to see real lesbian porn to check out The Crashpad from Pink & White Productions. This was their first film (I made the recommendation a really long time ago) and I was very impressed by it. They have continued to impress me with amazingly sexy real lesbian porn. I highly recommend all of their films. If you're like me you're extremely tired of what I call "straight lesbo porn" where girls with long nails and fake breasts barely touch each other.

And now on to the answer ...
I actually had to rewatch this one since I hadn't seen it in awhile and you're right, it seems that the more masculine presenting women were giving more than receiving. I'm not sure if the film was planned out that way or if it just happened that way, but it does seem that in each scene only one person cums. This is neither typical nor atypical for lesbian sex or porn. Sometimes only one person is receiving direct clitoral/vaginal stimulation, sometimes partners will take turns, sometimes they're both stimulating each other at once. It really depends on the couple, on the situation, and the mood. But don't be deceived here either. Just because one person isn't receiving direct stimulation doesn't mean that they aren't very much enjoying themselves. The visual and mental aspect of fucking someone with a strap-on is extremely erotic and pleasurable. The brain is, after all, the biggest sex organ in the human body. But when a female-bodied person wears a strap-on clitoral stimulation is achieved through the action of humping, which may or may not lead to orgasm. Either way though both (or more) are probably enjoying themselves very much.