Oddest Searches November 2008

And now for the oddest searches of November 2008 in no particular order:

- stuck anus lube (You're not supposed to use the bottle, just the lube inside)
- gauged ear sex (Hey if that's your thing that's cool, but it kind of gives me the heebie jeebies)
- my nipples get hard when touched (Don't most people's?)
- qvqa (OMG really!?!? How many cocks can one shove into a woman?)
- email squirting (Maybe you should contact your ISP about this one. I don't think your email is supposed to squirt.)
- how to tell if your wife likes bdsm (You could just ask her)
- silicone lube fire play fetish (this sounds really dangerous)

Giving Thanks to the Voices

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! What are you thankful for?

I'm thankful for sex toys, obviously. Love 'em!

I'm also always thankful for those who speak out; those who give voice to their pain and oppression. It helps others in those same positions to know that they are not alone and that they too can fight. It is never easy, but it is always important. An old friend of mine sent me a link to her blog, Never Another Woman and I found it to be very powerful. She talks about how she was abused by her husband, but not in the ways that we usually think of. When most people think of domestic violence they think of Lifetime movies where the women are physically knocked around and possibly sexually abused as well. This woman was, and many men and women are and were, in a controlling, verbally abusive relationship. She speaks out about how he made her feel worthless and crazy. He made her feel like she was a bad mother and an awful wife. He separated her from all of her support networks so that she had no one to turn to. And because this kind of abuse was psychological in nature, she felt it was all her fault; she felt she deserved it.

But now she is speaking out. She is one small voice on the internet, but she is a powerful one. In telling her story she is able to reach out to many more people who are in the same position and to others who may not know about these kinds of abuse. What she is doing is important and risky.

So pass the link on. Pass on her story. You never know who it might help. She also has links to resources for domestic abuse and even has some forums set up for people to talk about the issues she addresses.

I hope you all have a safe and happy Thanksgiving.

BDSM Warm Ups

My wife and I want to get more into bondage and S&M but she keeps telling me I need to warm up more and her explanations on how to do so don't really help. Any reference sources or tips you could give would really help.

The thing I love about BDSM more than anything is the dedication to communication that many in the scene have. I wish that everyone communicated as much and as well as people in the BDSM scene. Boundaries, expectations, likes and dislikes, safe words, and consent are all often discussed before any type of sex play starts. If everyone was committed to communication like this we'd be a lot happier and more satisfied.

So when you tell me that her explanations aren't helping I have to wonder where the communication is suffering. Is she not willing to give all the details of what she wants? Many are afraid to ask for what they want, often assuming that their partner should just know how to please them and then ending up disappointed when it doesn't go the way they wanted it to. Or are you not asking adequate questions? Don't be afraid to ask her what she means or even to have her demonstrate on you so you can get a clearer picture.

I can't really tell you what it is that she wants you to do or give you a clearer explanation. Heck you didn't even tell me if she was a top or a bottom. But I did learn a lot of things at a recent workshop I attended at Early to Bed taught by the beautiful and talented Mistress Crimson.

She suggested that warming up a bottom should include literally warming them up by getting their blood flowing. This can decrease pain and bruising. Some examples she gave included massaging the areas you will be smacking around and light slapping with your hand or a riding crop.

As for warming up a top - and yes, tops need to be warmed up as well - its all about setting the mood. It can be difficult for a top to go from romantic dinner out on the town to tying up and spanking their partner. Sure the bottom is ready, willing, and able, but the top often feels a need to transition. Mistress Crimson suggested putting on a CD or a certain outfit that signifies playtime and makes you feel sexy and powerful.

So maybe your wife means something like that? Or maybe she means she needs a psychological warm up. Some people need to feel free to enter a different place when they are going to be doing a BDSM scene. They may just need to zone out or they may want to play a part like evil headmistress or naughty schoolgirl.

So really my advice is to talk some more. Try to figure out what it is your wife really wants and if you don't understand, ask questions. And if she doesn't want to tell you, point out that you cannot read her mind, but really want to be able to please her.

Prop H8 and Sex Toy Sales

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VOTE!!

Don't forget to vote today!

And if you're in California, vote against proposition 4 and 8.
If you're in Florida, vote against amendment 2.
If you're in Arizona, vote against proposition 102.
If you're in Arkansas, vote against act 1.
If you're in Connecticut, vote against question 1.
If you're in Colorado, vote against amendment 46 and 48.
If you're in South Dakota, vote against measure 11.
If you're in Oregon, vote against measure 58.
If you're in Nebraska, vote against initiative 424.

Hate and intolerance are never a good thing. For more information on ballot measures in your state, visit CNN.com

Oddest Searches October 2008

And now for the oddest searches of October 2008 in no particular order:

- female ejaculation contest - now that sounds like fun!
- ask the doctor is female ejaculation real - your doctor may not know the answer, but I do!
- female ejaculation feels like pee but can't squirt - I'm just not even sure what that means
- dep fisting - I'm sure my friend dep who designed this site would be interested to know that people want to fist him ... or maybe they meant to type deep
- nipple play naked men labia - this seems to just be a string of sexy words with no real search in mind
- great looking nipples on sexy ladies - This one isn't odd, I just like it.
- douching fetishes - this one kind of scares me because its not healthy
- old people with gauged ears - is this a new fetish I haven't heard of?
- stocking fetish mental problem? - i love how this one ends with a question mark. And no, you probably don't have a mental problem.

Afterglow Sex Toy Wipes

I usually try to steer people away from using sex toy cleaning sprays and wipes. Its just as easy to use soap and water, better for the environment, and more effective at cleaning your toys. Its not like these sprays and wipes have magical ingredients that somehow clean your toys better. And if you're sensitive, they could actually make things worse for you by having ingredients in them that could actually cause infections or allergic reactions. So before you use a sex toy go wash it.

However, I also realize that there are times when soap and water might not be very convenient. So there are times when these things can actually come in handy. Lets say you're camping and there's no running water nearby or you live with your parents and it might not be a convenient time to skip off to the bathroom, sex toy in hand for the world to see.

You should also actually wash your toys after you use them and before you put them away. And this is where I really understand the laziness factor. You just had a mind blowing orgasm and all you want to do is pass out, the last thing you want to do is get your naked ass out of bed to go clean your toy even though you know that it will prolong its life. You especially know that if you used an anal toy that it is rather gross to be leaving something like that around, what with the possibility of e coli.

So there are definitely times when toy wipes can be a really good idea. And that is why I was very happy when Babeland sent me Afterglow Tissues. These are great for those times when you just can't make it to the bathroom to wash your toys. They're also great for getting all those sex juices and lube off of your hands and other body parts.

One thing I have to add though is that you should also be cleaning your toys with soap and water. These wipes really are only for those in between times when your toy has already been cleaned, but its been sitting in your drawer attracting cat fur and lint (and if you own a silicone dildos and a cat you know that this can happen just in the walk from the bathroom). Don't expect these wipes to do the job each and every time. Find the time to clean your toys on a regular basis.