Home for Lost Boys

An acquaintance of mine recently started a fabulous new erotic/porn site called Home for Lost Boys and you should all really check it out. She has a thing for pretty boys. We're not talking underwear models or Brad Pitt here. Specifically, she has a thing for boys who look like they could be girls. And who could blame her? I love a little gender bending with my sex!

She was disappointed at the availability of such erotic art on the internet and decided that the world needed to see her sexy vision of naked pretty boys. The site currently has 12 adorably sexy boys (One kind of looks like that dude from the Twilight movie) in different states of undress and also has a community forum where members can get to know each other and the models. I hear she's also looking for someone to write erotic stories about pretty boys. So give her a holler if you're interested.

Smart Balls

I'm always telling you to do your Kegel exercises so I figured it was about time that I reviewed a toy that is specifically used for that purpose. Babeland recently sent me the very popular Smart Balls and I gave them a try. Love them!

When I first opened the package I wasn't too psyched about the color they sent me, but I told myself that it didn't matter since I wouldn't be looking at them a whole bunch. Working my way to stronger orgasms is much more important than the color of the equipment I use to do it.

The balls are about 1.5" in diameter and are made out of elastomer with smaller weighted balls that roll and shake around inside. I found them to be a little large to insert when not aroused so you may want to turn yourself on a bit and use plenty of lube before you put them in and go about your business. And apparently many women who use these balls actually do go about their business at work, at home, running errands, etc. I haven't gotten up the guts to wear them outside of the house yet for fear of an extremely embarrassing moment. But maybe sometime I'll wear them out on a date. That could be a lot of fun.

So what you do with these balls is lube them up and pop them in your vagina. You can put either one or both balls in depending on your vagina size, comfort level, and muscle strength. Once they are comfortably in you can squeeze on the balls and even pull on the string in order to get some resistance. You can also practice pushing them out of your vagina.

So what makes Smart Balls better than traditional Kegel exercises without any equipment? I don't know about you, but when I keep flexing the same muscles over and over again I start to forget which muscles I'm flexing after awhile and start to flex the wrong ones. Its kind of like when you say a word over and over and it starts to sound less and less like a word ... kegel kegel kegel kegel .... You get the idea. Smart balls also allow you to step up your workout routine. You can flex your biceps as much as you want, but you're just not going to get big muscles if you don't add any resistance. And lets face it, Smart Balls are just plain fun! They feel good and many women report being in a slight state of arousal the entire time they wear them.

And really, I gotta say that they are great for masturbation. I like working my kegel muscles, but damnit I LOVE working them during masturbation. And these little wonders are no exception. You can't really move them around too much so they're not like a dildo, but if you use your hands or a vibe on your clit while squeezing and releasing on your Smart Balls it feels mighty nice. And what's even better is that when you orgasm, the muscle contractions cause the little weighted balls inside to shake, rattle, and roll into an extra special feeling. Try putting a vibe through the string of the balls as well. The vibration will carry through the toy.

The only thing I didn't like about this toy is that the string is stiff and kept tickling my leg during masturbation. Unlike a regular string, it can't easily be pushed out of the way. However, I wouldn't want a fabric string on this toy as it would harbor bacteria. So you gotta take the good with the bad and I have to learn to not be distracted so easily.

Lets go back to my distaste of the color of my Smart Balls. After using them for the first time, I looked at them again and found them to be beautiful. Beauty isn't just skin deep after all.

Orgasms After Child Birth

Hi, I'm 19 years old and just had my beautiful baby girl with my fiancee. My problem is that I have not been able to orgasm since I was about 3 months pregnant. Before I got pregnant the only way I could climax was when I was on top, and since recently getting the ok from my doctor to have sex again, absolutely nothing has worked. I've tried masturbation and clitoral stimulation, but neither works for me. I do not have postpartum depression, I'm not happy about my 30 lbs weight gain, but I am by no means depressed. Do you have any suggestions to help me?

First of all, let me apologize for not getting back to you sooner on this. I hope you aren't having this issue any more and that this will just be advice for those who are looking for answers now and in the future. But if you are still struggling with achieving orgasm now, maybe I can give you a few ideas.

I'm going to assume that you gave birth vaginally.

Pregnancy and childbirth can really screw with your system! It can take awhile for things to get back to normal down there and what is normal might actually end up changing for you.

Some possible changes that might be inhibiting your orgasms include hormones, change in vaginal muscles (weakening/stretching/tearing/etc.), change in level of libido, change in self-esteem especially related to weight gain, and just a general change in how things are working down there right now.

One of the most important things you can do for yourself after giving birth is to give yourself time. I'm glad you waited for the OK from your doctor as some couples don't and can actually do damage. But you also need to give yourself time to get back into the swing of things. Like I said before, pregnancy and child birth can really change a lot of things and sometimes that means relearning your body and how you receive pleasure and reach orgasm.

But don't think of it as a chore. I know it can be extremely frustrating to not reach orgasm in the ways you've always done, but try to think of it as a fun experiment to see what feels good now. If you can, try to not make orgasm your goal. Just enjoy your intimate moments together and try to find what feels just plain great. Eventually, you'll be able to figure out what brings you to orgasm now. Maybe even hold off on intercourse and just relearn how to use your hands and mouths on each others bodies. When you do get back to having vaginal intercourse, try new positions. Maybe even pick up a copy of a positions book. I like the Position of the Day Playbook because it doesn't take itself too seriously and because it has places where you can make notes on each position. This way you can remember what you liked and didn't like and what little changes you made to make it better. Spend time relearning your body on your own as well.

One big tip I can give you is to do Kegel exercises so you can get the muscles that actually contract during orgasm back into shape. Doing your Kegels while masturbating can often be lots of fun!

Another tip that may be helpful is to try to spend more time on setting the mood and focusing on foreplay. I know this can be extremely difficult when you have a baby, but it can go a long way in helping you to feel more sexy instead of fat and frazzled. For tips on keeping your sex life alive after having kids check out the book Sexy Mamas.

And remember, your body is going to change throughout your life which means that the ways you get off are going to change too. Try not to get frustrated with it and instead embrace the variety of life and the pleasure (not just orgasms) you derive from sex.

Masturbation Haiku Contest

Over at my favorite sex shop (Early to Bed) they're having a contest to win fun sexy things! All you have to do is write a haiku about masturbation. You can enter up to 5 haikus and the top 3 get prizes. They can be sexy, silly, fun, meaningful, sentimental, whatever you want! So head over to the Early to Bed Blog and enter for your chance to a win masturbation book, lube, a t-shirt, and/or a gift certificate.

And I get to help with the judging! So send in some good ones!

Web Cam Sex

I'm looking for advice on posing on a web cam for a significant other.

Just like any sexual activity that involves one or more people, communication is going to be your best bet. Ask what your significant other wants to see. You may be surprised by the answers! That gut you've always despised may be one of your sexiest features according to your partner. And while you may think they want a closeup of your genitals, it may turn out that they rather watch your face while you orgasm.

I actually used to do some work as a cam girl so I have a little bit of experience in this field. A lot is going to really depend on how fast both you and your S.O.'s internet connections are. Obviously, the faster your internet the smoother the show will go.

If your connections are slow then it is going to be more like posing for a camera rather than acting in a film. If you have a slow connection you will have more time to set up for shots and that can be a lot of fun. However, in the end it may just end up being frustrating as you'd like to get on with the action instead of just posing. In that case you may want to take turns where one poses while the other masturbates. If your connections are faster and you can see most movements without any real blur then you can have all kinds of fun.

Probably the most important guideline is to make sure you have a window up that allows you to see yourself on cam. Try to have it mirrored as well, so that you can more easily move while looking at yourself on cam. This will allow you to see what your partner sees instead of just hoping that you're showing them what you think you're showing them.

Think of it like you're going on a date, but also like you're putting on a show. Make sure you're clean and dressed nicely (or kinkily depending on what you're going for). Presentation is important. You might even want to dress up for the occasion. You can do a lot more with a dress shirt and tie than you can with just a t-shirt. Wear nice underwear. No one likes to see a strip tease that results in stained or holey underpants.

Put on some music. It will help set the mood for you and help you to move in a more relaxed manner. But make sure you put on a sexy playlist instead of having your mp3s on shuffle. Nothing can ruin a sexy moment more than a Sesame Street song playing in the middle of a masturbation session (C is for Cookie has a whole new meaning for me).

Try to romance the webcam. Don't just rip your clothes off and rub one out. Take your time. Do a striptease first. Use props. Select what your partner sees and doesn't see. Caress yourself. Make them want more. Especially if this is a long distance relationship this can be important. You don't want your sex life to be 'wam bam thank you ma'am' whether you're in person or on cam.

Remember to tell your partner when you think something they do is hot. Encouragement can make the whole thing a lot hotter. Tell them how much watching them gets you hot. Ask for the same kind of encouragement if you want more than they are giving.

But mostly, have fun with it. Don't take yourself or the show too seriously. Silly things are going to happen that you wouldn't expect and that's OK. Just laugh it off.

I'm Back!

Woo that was a longer break than I really meant to take! Sorry about that. I'm coming back now I swear. I have a lot more time and energy to devote to the blog again.

The wedding went fabulously! So glad we were able to pull it all off. And because everyone keeps asking, no, married life isn't really any different. Still happy as clams! (That's us about to walk down the aisle on your right side.)

I will start answering questions again very soon! So sorry to those of you who sent me questions before the break. They might not be the timeliest of answers, but I will get to them. And everyone else, please send me questions so I can keep this blog going.

But first, I wanted to add a little addendum to my last post. I told you that I'd keep you updated on my thoughts of the acuvibe mini and I definitely have new feelings about it.

I was wrong (it happens sometimes). The acuvibe mini is NOT better than the hitachi. It comes in a close second for sure, but definitely not the best. I was quite happy with it until one night of drunken hornyness. I'm of the opinion that just because I have whiskey clit (or in my case martini clit) doesn't mean I shouldn't still be able to cum. The acuvibe just could not deliver the power necessary to wake my clit up. I tried, I really did. But in the end it was the hitachi magic wand that won. My good old reliable hitachi. How could I ever have doubted you?

Better than a Hitachi Magic Wand?

Less than 2 weeks to the wedding! Talk about stress! And what is a better cure for stress than orgasms? Can't think of a damned thing!

Ok folks, I really never thought I'd say this. Like seriously, never in a million years did I ever think these words would come out of my mouth/from my fingertips. I think I found a vibrator that is better than the hitachi magic wand. Only time will really tell, but my first impressions are just "Wow!!"

If you're a hitachi addict like I am, you'll understand how often pointless it seems to try new vibrators when you've already found the best. But then I met the Acuvibe Mini and my world has changed. It is so much smaller and lighter than the hitachi. So many nights of frustration with the hitachi because of its heft and size seem to now have been for no good reason. How my hand and wrist would ache from holding the enormous vibe and how frustrating it was on cold nights to masturbate under a blanket. And then there is the cord, which always keeps you close to outlets meaning on vacations you sometimes end up masturbating on the floor of your hotel room instead of the bed. And other times you are just frustrated because the cord just never seems long enough or has become twisted around the bed post.

No more need for frustration! The Acuvibe Mini is so small (only 8" compared to the hitachi's 12") and lightweight in comparison and its rechargeable so you will no longer need to be near an outlet. It only has one setting, but its very comparable to the low setting on the hitachi, which has the deep rumble that a girl like me craves. The head is not as big as the hitachi, but it has a curve that nicely cradles me in all the right spots. And unlike the rechargeable cousin to the hitachi, the Ideal, this baby doesn't rattle and distract you from that awesome orgasm. It's not whisper quiet, but it just sounds like a loud vibrator like the hitachi does.

Possible downsides include:
- If only the high setting on the hitachi can get you off, this one won't work for you.
- If you're addicted to all those attachments for the hitachi, this also won't work for you. The attachments won't fit on the smaller head of the Acuvibe mini and I haven't seen any attachments made for it yet.
- If you don't like the jackhammer strong vibes like the hitachi you will HATE this vibrator.
- And really the only downside to me personally being that it has a bright blue light on when its charging. Not a big deal, I just cover it up with a towel.

I have a feeling this vibe won't last as long as the hitachi since it is rechargeable, but its so rare that any vibes last that long anyways. It does come with a one year manufacturer warranty though. I will keep you all updated as its use continues to let you know if I find any flaws, but here's hoping that I have actually found a vibrator that outranks the hitachi.

AWOL

I'm sorry I've been AWOL lately. I love writing this blog, but I've just been too busy. What with working 6 days a week AND planning a wedding its just been too hard. And this isn't going to change until after the wedding most likely. So don't expect to hear too much from me until after the big day (March 21st!). But if you're hard up to read up on sex let me give you some great book recommendations to keep you busy until I have a little more time.

- Good Vibrations Guide to Sex 3rd edition- This book is an all inclusive book on sex that features drawings of all kinds of people with all kinds of bodies and kinks. I highly recommend it.

- I Love Female Orgasm- And who doesn't? This is a great book to learn more about women, their anatomy, their desires, and how to make them happy. It is especially useful for women who may have a hard time having orgasms

- Opening Up- This is a great book for those interested in non-monogamous relationships of all kinds. Don't be a cheater! If you don't dig monogamy learn how to be honest and have fulfilling relationships.

- Healing Sex- Have you or someone you love been the victim of sexual abuse? This book can really help get past those traumas to have a healthy sexual relationship again.

- Sex for One- This book literally changed my life. Its all about female masturbation and loving your body.

- She Comes First- This is a fabulous and extremely informative book on giving oral sex to women.

- The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability- This is a great book for anyone who has or is with someone who has a disability or suffers from chronic pain. Learn how to make sex easier and better.

- Yes Means Yes- This is easily one of the best books I've ever read. This book is very different from the rest. It is full of feminist essays with the goal of changing our culture of rape. One of the strongest messages to walk away with is how we view consent. We should be celebrating sex and sexuality and seeking out enthusiastic consent instead of just hoping to not hear a 'no.' And for those of you in Chicago, the editors of Yes Means Yes will be at Women and Children First bookstore on February 19th at 7:30.

Can anyone else recommend any good books about sex?

Men Wearing Strap-ons

I saw on Babeland and Early2Bed that strapons can be used by males, too. Other than in the case of Erectile Function Disorder, why would men use these? Is this a widespread activity among men?

There are a few different reasons that cisgendered men (or individuals born with a male body) would want to use a strap-on. One of them, is for ED like you mentioned. Another is for double penetration like with the Menage a Trois Fantasy Kit that I reviewed back in April.

Some men also just like the idea of not having to worry about whether or not their dick is hard and how long they can last. They may not have ED, but they just really want to fuck their partner until the wee hours of the morning. Or maybe this man has a partner who just loves his dick to pieces, but would like to try something a little different now and again. And instead of just using a dildo in hand, this guy likes to use his hips. And I'm sure there are still even more reasons that men would want to use strap-ons.

For any men who are interested in a harness that will leave room for their junk I would recommend the Menage a Trois Fantasy Kit for double penetration, or a harness that sits a bit higher up like The Crown Harness or The Commando Harness. Or if you're open to sprouting cocks from your legs you can also try out a thigh harness.

Is it widespread? From my experience working in a sex shop I'd say that it isn't too widespread. I do have cis men ask for strap-ons, but nowhere near as often as women and trans men.

Eco Delight Kit

Maybe you couldn't find that perfect present for that special someone or you didn't get what you really wanted this year from Santa/Grandma. Well this is THE perfect gift! Babeland sent me this amazing Eco Delight Kit, which in some ways is very similar to their Eco Sexy Kit which I reviewed several months ago. But in other ways it is so much better!

It still includes the massage candle and the Mamba condoms. For reviews of those, just click on the links.

In addition to these, the kit also includes a different lube, toy, and a fabulous way to package it all up. And, in my opinion, they also manage to make it more eco-friendly.

The lube is one of Babeland's own called Naked. It is an organic lubricant that is supposedly infused with herbs and claims to be 100% natural. I don't know about any of these things, but it isn't tested on animals, has no parabens (a preservative), and contains vegetable glycerin which fewer women seem to have problems with. It also amazingly enough tastes good. Usually when it comes to lubes I aspire to no taste at all because the lubes that have flavor tend to taste chemically and super sweet. This has a very light lemony vanilla flavor that actually tastes pretty darn yummy. It's also a pretty thick lube so it would be good with heavier play and should last a pretty long time. On top of all that it comes in a glass bottle, which is more environmentally friendly than the plastic bottles that most lube comes in.

The toy is the Delight, which like the Laya Spot in the Eco Sexy kit, is also made by Fun Factory. And if you haven't heard of the Delight yet you really need to learn more! This is a favorite of many sex toy owners and with good reason. This toy is gorgeous looking and performs fantastically. It is ergonomically shaped so that it hits your g-spot and clit at the same time and also has a perfect handle for you to grab on to. Now keep in mind that not all women are shaped the same, so it might not work perfectly for all women, but I've heard very few complaints. The toy vibrates in both parts but the controls are not separate. This may be my only real complaint about this toy. I personally prefer stronger vibrations on my clit than in my vagina so I couldn't get the vibrations just right for me. However, if that's not a problem for you, this toy is great. It offers several different speeds and vibration patterns, which is very similar to the laya spot. The toy is also made out of hard plastic and silicone so it is non-porous and body safe. And whats even better about it is that it is rechargeable! Another huge point on the eco-friendly scale: no batteries needed! You just place it in its matching case to charge.

Being the dork that I am though I have to admit that my favorite part of the whole gift set is the gift bag it all comes in. It is made out of recycled paper and wildflower seeds so that you can actually plant it in your backyard and watch it grow. How cool is this!?!? I'm actually debating whether I should plant this or regift it to share with someone else who will think it is super cool.

I loved the original Eco Sexy kit, but I gotta say that the Eco Delight Kit blows the original out of the water especially when it comes to eco-friendliness.