Essin' Em Scavenger Hunt

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Flower Balm

Babeland recently sent me a small pot (1oz) of Flower Balm, which is a clit stimulator.

Now I've tried a couple clit stimulators in my day and none of them have done a damn thing. This can most likely be chalked up to the fact that I need a jackhammer in order to get off. Not that I'm complaining, because I love my jackhammer. Its just that those little nuances like rabbit ears and ticklers never did anything for me. So lightly mentholated clit gels don't tend to do anything either.

This stuff, on the other hand, I actually felt! Whoa! But really all I felt was cold. There was no special tingle or anything. I felt like there was a strong breeze on my clit even when my legs were together and in pants. It turns out that I don't particularly like this feeling although you may. I like my cunt to be a warm cozy place that is as far away from cold as it can possibly be. I had an idea that that was the case in the past when having a fan directed a little too accurately at my vulva, but not until I tried this product did I realize how strongly I felt this. I think I will now stick with only warming type products instead of cooling ones.

But seriously if the idea of a cold cunt appeals to you (especially on a hot summer's day) get this product! It actually works unlike all the other ones that say they work. But keep in mind that it does contain oils so it is not latex compatible. If you are using safer sex supplies with this balm make sure to use polyisoprene condoms and nitrile gloves.

It also made my tongue and lips go a little numb so I don't recommend it for oral sex.

Ingredients: Almond oil, coconut oil, beeswax, shea butter, menthol, peppermint oil, citrus essential oils, methyl paraben, bht, and ginseng.

If you are sensitive to any of the above ingredients do not use!

Porn Contest Now on Facebook!

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Porn Contest!

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The Tool Shed

I want to give a quick shout out to a sex shop that I visited on my honeymoon: The Tool Shed. Its located in Milwaukee (yes, I honeymooned in Milwaukee. Get over it.) and its totally awesome. I love feminist sex shops and when I travel I try to go visit ones I've never been to before. I'm kind of a nerd like that.

When I first walked in I was a bit taken aback by the fact that there was a dude behind the counter. But I soon realized that this guy was a very comfortable guy. No threatening or creepy vibes here.

The wife and I walked around perusing the wares and I got such joy out of fondling toys that my store doesn't carry and that I'd never actually seen in person. I want to try the SaSi SO BADLY!! The Tool Shed had quite a selection, carrying more vibes and BDSM gear than Early to Bed has. I was like a kid in a candy shop. Some of the stuff I found to be a bit odd and was glad that we don't carry it, but there were many other things that I wished we would carry.

After looking around for awhile I introduced myself to the non-threatening dude (I am horrible with names!) behind the counter. And this is where I probably annoyed my wife. We talked shop for like an hour. Yeah, I can just go on and on about sex toys. He told me about exciting new toys coming out and I told him they should carry my fave dildo in the whole world Ella by Lelo (Ellen on E2B's website).

And because I hate to take up someone's time and not buy anything, I bought my wife a pair of bicycle socks. I loved that The Tool Shed had a whole bunch of locally made stuff like socks, lingerie, jewelry, zines, and art.

So if you're in Milwaukee definitely hit up The Tool Shed for your sex toys or even socks. They rule!

Small Breasts- To Implant or Not to Implant

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Love U Parties- Ducky's Newest Venture

The amazing Ducky DooLittle just launched her own sex toy party company today! Check it out: Love U Parties. The site is well done and she offers products that I haven't seen other feminist sex shops carry. Things that just make sense and you have to wonder why others aren't carrying them. For example: the Sex in the Shower Foot Rest. How many times would that have come in handy?

The great news is that she's paying the consultants (people who sell the toys at the parties) a big percentage of the sales. That's big money and possibly a real career for some. I may consider doing it myself after I move to Oakland.

If you haven't heard of Ducky before you should check out her book Sex With the Lights On: 200 Illuminating Sex Questions Answered. There are a TON of quotes from me in that book. See if you can figure out which ones!

Toys for the Honeymoon

Tomorrow evening the wife and I leave for our honeymoon. Now you may be asking yourselves, "What kinds of toys does a sex educator/sex toy reviewer bring with them on their honeymoon?" Because you know I have a ton of them, but only a couple make the cut. Some of them new and some of them old favorites that go on every trip. The above picture is what I'm pretty sure I've decided on bringing. From left to right starting in the top row they are:

Trojan Supras: The first non-latex condom I ever started using that have remained an old standby. Once these have run out though I will probably be switching to the polyisoprene because they are cheaper. The feeling of the condoms don't really matter that much to me since they are just used on dildos, but they have to be non-latex as I am allergic.

Frank: He's a cyberskin dildo that I love giving blowjobs to. I use honey dust to keep him lifelike instead of cornstarch so that he tastes yummy.

Durex Avanti: Again, just a condom I had lying around.

Hitachi Magic Wand: Like this one should be a surprise to anyone. Shouldn't you all own one of these by now? Seriously? Its the best. Nuff said.

Mr. Bendy/Silky: My second favorite dildo ever. This guy is made out of squishy elastomer and has a rod in the center that allows for a bendy good time. I use condoms with him because elastomer is porous, but its totally worth it. This is definitely my favorite strap-on dildo.

Orbit: One of the first dildos I reviewed back when I was just a Carnal Consultant for Early to Bed. Still one of my faves! Although if I decide that I have too many dildos on the trip either Orbit or Frank will get cut.

Feeldoe Slim: High quality double-sided dildo that no romantic vacation can do without. Can be used with or without a harness.

Ella by Lelo: By far my absolute favorite dildo. And I know what I'm talking about; I own 14! This dildo is the absolute best for g-spot. Leave it to Lelo to only make one dildo, but have it be absolutely amazing.

Middle row:

Thigh Harness: This is a newer toy of mine that I'm trying out for Babeland. We've given it a few goes, but feel that in order to review it properly it needs to come with me on our honeymoon. Look for that review coming up soon.

Colore Moi Strawberry Body Paint: Yummy painting! Strawberries and champagne anyone?

Gun Oil: High quality silicone lubricant for some hot hot shower sex.

Maximus: My favorite lube. This stuff is waterbased and has the consistency of hair gel. I was finally smart enough to get a travel bottle that wouldn't get all over everything too!

Saturn: This is a small ridged waterproof vibe made out of a silky plastic. Super cheap and hopefully fun in the shower. Never used this one before, but picked it up special for my honeymoon.

Dirty Dice: Yes, I said Dirty Dice. Honeymoons are supposed to be for silly sex games damnit! And I've never played with these before so I thought they'd be a fun way to get into the play.

Buddy: A silicone butt plug that is a little on the smaller side, but not too small.

Tweezer Clamps: Because with all this sweetness there needed to be some pain ...

Silky Blindfold: Because sometimes its better if they can't see whats coming. Mwahahaha!

Bottom row:

Flower Balm: Another product sent to me to review. I've played with it a little bit and I can tell you this: The menthol definitely works on clits and lips! Look for an upcoming review after the honeymoon!

Heart Paddle: I don't know if anyone carries this anymore, but its a great lightweight wooden paddle that makes a great loud SMACK noise without hurting TOO much.

Vibrating Makeup Brush: No, I don't care about being discreet. Discreet vibes will not get me off. However, the vibrating brush is great for sensation play.

Non-latex Gloves: We are monogamous and therefore are definitely fluid bonded. However, I work in an office and get lots of papercuts. The pH of the vag being what it is, gloves often make things less stingy for me. Also, the lower amount of friction helps with my arthritis.

Vibe Harness: OMG I looked at this thing today when I pulled it out and I think it may be time for a new one. This thing is OLD!! We're talking, before this relationship old. But its my wife's favorite. Its like a part of her by now.

Oh just realized that in the top row is my Teneo Uno you just can't see it. Taking that too.

So there you have it! Should be a fun honeymoon. See you all next week.

Tristan Taormino's Rough Sex

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Packing Strap

Babeland recently sent us a packing strap made by Aslan Leather. A packing strap is used to keep the bulge in place by transmen, genderqueers, drag kings, and those who like to play around with gender (including just dressing up for Rocky Horror). Because the last thing you want is for your cock to fall down your pant leg. The strap is specifically made to work with the Mr. Right packer, but also works with a Soft Pack which is a lot cheaper. However, from the reviews I've read, I've gathered that the soft pack may be more likely to fall out of a packing strap than Mr. Right.

For this review I enlisted the help of my awesomely handsome wife since she has a bit more packing experience than I do. And without further ado, here she is with her input:

I don’t often wear a soft pack. In the past when I wanted that certain bulge, I simply wore my packie inside my underwear. While it stayed put for the most part – though I had to take care to hold on to it when using the restroom – I was constantly on high alert for an embarrassing slippage accident. The arrival of the Aslan Leather harness was a chance to send my worst fears packing (yes, that pun was intended).

This harness was the first I’ve ever used. It took me a few minutes to realize that only the balls of the packie would be held by the harness. The dick was free to swing and sway until the moment I pulled up my drawers. While I liked the freedom of movement, I felt that without the support of the underwear, the packie might eventually fall forward out of the harness. A better design would perhaps include an elastic o-ring that could reign in the penis, as it is the major center of mass for my packie. A harness that simply holds onto the balls makes the whole thing feel rather top-heavy. However, the worry that I could eventually have a flop-out might have been paranoia, as I used the restroom while wearing it and was pleased to see that I no longer had to designate one hand to hold my detachable bits.

The waist strap was comfortable. It was a simple wide elastic band, and I was pleased to find that the size I received fit around my waist with almost no stretching of the elastic – it was snug enough to not move around, but loose enough that I couldn’t feel it once I was dressed. After dressing and spending a few minutes walking and jumping to test the effectiveness of the harness, I felt supremely confident that the packie would stay where I wanted it. I was able to go about my day and eventually forget that I was packing – at least until I caught my own reflection or the eye of my wife.

Overall, I found that wearing the harness was vastly superior to going without one. If you regularly soft pack, I would recommend picking up one of these if you don’t already have one. For those of you like me who pack very infrequently, the low price point makes this purchase easy on the wallet and definitely worth the cost.