Men Wearing Strap-ons

I saw on Babeland and Early2Bed that strapons can be used by males, too. Other than in the case of Erectile Function Disorder, why would men use these? Is this a widespread activity among men?

There are a few different reasons that cisgendered men (or individuals born with a male body) would want to use a strap-on. One of them, is for ED like you mentioned. Another is for double penetration like with the Menage a Trois Fantasy Kit that I reviewed back in April.

Some men also just like the idea of not having to worry about whether or not their dick is hard and how long they can last. They may not have ED, but they just really want to fuck their partner until the wee hours of the morning. Or maybe this man has a partner who just loves his dick to pieces, but would like to try something a little different now and again. And instead of just using a dildo in hand, this guy likes to use his hips. And I'm sure there are still even more reasons that men would want to use strap-ons.

For any men who are interested in a harness that will leave room for their junk I would recommend the Menage a Trois Fantasy Kit for double penetration, or a harness that sits a bit higher up like The Crown Harness or The Commando Harness. Or if you're open to sprouting cocks from your legs you can also try out a thigh harness.

Is it widespread? From my experience working in a sex shop I'd say that it isn't too widespread. I do have cis men ask for strap-ons, but nowhere near as often as women and trans men.

Eco Delight Kit

Maybe you couldn't find that perfect present for that special someone or you didn't get what you really wanted this year from Santa/Grandma. Well this is THE perfect gift! Babeland sent me this amazing Eco Delight Kit, which in some ways is very similar to their Eco Sexy Kit which I reviewed several months ago. But in other ways it is so much better!

It still includes the massage candle and the Mamba condoms. For reviews of those, just click on the links.

In addition to these, the kit also includes a different lube, toy, and a fabulous way to package it all up. And, in my opinion, they also manage to make it more eco-friendly.

The lube is one of Babeland's own called Naked. It is an organic lubricant that is supposedly infused with herbs and claims to be 100% natural. I don't know about any of these things, but it isn't tested on animals, has no parabens (a preservative), and contains vegetable glycerin which fewer women seem to have problems with. It also amazingly enough tastes good. Usually when it comes to lubes I aspire to no taste at all because the lubes that have flavor tend to taste chemically and super sweet. This has a very light lemony vanilla flavor that actually tastes pretty darn yummy. It's also a pretty thick lube so it would be good with heavier play and should last a pretty long time. On top of all that it comes in a glass bottle, which is more environmentally friendly than the plastic bottles that most lube comes in.

The toy is the Delight, which like the Laya Spot in the Eco Sexy kit, is also made by Fun Factory. And if you haven't heard of the Delight yet you really need to learn more! This is a favorite of many sex toy owners and with good reason. This toy is gorgeous looking and performs fantastically. It is ergonomically shaped so that it hits your g-spot and clit at the same time and also has a perfect handle for you to grab on to. Now keep in mind that not all women are shaped the same, so it might not work perfectly for all women, but I've heard very few complaints. The toy vibrates in both parts but the controls are not separate. This may be my only real complaint about this toy. I personally prefer stronger vibrations on my clit than in my vagina so I couldn't get the vibrations just right for me. However, if that's not a problem for you, this toy is great. It offers several different speeds and vibration patterns, which is very similar to the laya spot. The toy is also made out of hard plastic and silicone so it is non-porous and body safe. And whats even better about it is that it is rechargeable! Another huge point on the eco-friendly scale: no batteries needed! You just place it in its matching case to charge.

Being the dork that I am though I have to admit that my favorite part of the whole gift set is the gift bag it all comes in. It is made out of recycled paper and wildflower seeds so that you can actually plant it in your backyard and watch it grow. How cool is this!?!? I'm actually debating whether I should plant this or regift it to share with someone else who will think it is super cool.

I loved the original Eco Sexy kit, but I gotta say that the Eco Delight Kit blows the original out of the water especially when it comes to eco-friendliness.

Oddest Searches December 2008

Happy 2009! Here are the oddest searches of December 2008 in no particular order:

- learn how to eat pussy labia (is there a good recipe for this?)
- human stuck in teen's vagina videos (um ... what?)
- female ejaculate is warm (yes, as are all bodily fluids when just expelled)
- using a broom handle as an anal sex toy (OMG NOOOOO!!!!)
- how to suck women nipple in a romantic way (as opposed to ...?)
- firey porno (sounds dangerous!)

The Answer to UTIs?

Several months ago a woman wrote to me about her problems with getting Urinary Tract Infections (UTIs) after sex and I answered to the best of my ability in this blog entry. This is actually a relatively common problem that is often asked of sex educators and doctors. One woman who experiences this problem recently wrote in to Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross saying that she's found the solution. She highly recommends Waterfall D-Mannose. So for those of you out there who are still having a difficult time with UTIs, this might be your answer. Check it out, do the research, and maybe give it a try. I'd love to hear from anyone who has tried this stuff. Does it really work?

Slipping Out

Dear Garnet Joyce,

I am a gay male who is having sex (safe of course) with another man. I am on the receiving end of the sex, if you understand. When I am having anal sex with my guy, he frequently slips out. Why does this happen? It happens a few times each session. Are there any ways I can prevent this from happening?

I'd say that this other man that you're having sex with sounds like he thinks his dick is longer than it is. So he keeps pulling out further than he should and pops out. The best solution I can give you is to talk to him about making his thrusts a bit on the shorter side and maybe deeper (but only if deeper feels good for you). If he's new to this or you're new to having sex together it may take a bit for you guys to get the swing of things, but after some practice it will go more smoothly. And I'm glad to hear you're using protection!

Homophobia and the Media

I really enjoy watching the media tackle homophobia (especially since most of the time it seems to just support the status quo) and here are two recent examples that made me happy.

Staff writer at the Washington Post, Hank Stuever, tackles the question "Why can't a kiss just be a kiss?". It is about the obsession of asking straight male actors about their onscreen gay kisses and their often homophobic responses. Apparently a straight man kissing another man is so disgusting that it makes actors oscar worthy if they do it.

And here is another example that just ... well tickled me pink. I mean I've always loved John Stewart, but now I have an even bigger reason to love him. Watch as he asks Mike Huckabee about same-sex marriage.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Mike Huckabee Pt. 2

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Awesome, right?

Aneros Helix

I found a great new male reviewer for AskGarnet.com and I'm sooo happy about it! His name is Clix and he is very open minded sexually, a great writer, and takes fantastic pictures of cute naked girls. So he will be reviewing all those items which I cannot. His first task was the Aneros Helix and he was very up to the challenge! Read on to find out what he thought.

To the average American male, the idea of, to be crass, shoving something up your ass for sexual pleasure is pretty much out of the question. Much to the benefit of my range of erotic expression and capacity for pleasure, I am not the average American male.

When the opportunity to write a review of the Aneros Helix came up, I couldn't have been more excited. I have for, as long as I can remember, been a proponent of anal/prostate stimulation, and I had heard nothing but amazing things about the toy. Without a bit of exaggeration, I can say the moment the package arrived, I tore it open, grabbed my trusty bottle of Eros, and got to work.

The shape of the Helix is rather striking, and at a glance you can tell it means business. The plastic construction is smooth enough, and has a refined finish with none of the icky seams that plague some of the cheaper varieties of toys on the market. Despite being pretty familiar with the operation of most sex toys, I read the instructions on the box. The basic gist of the guide was, “relax, lubricate, insert, relax more, work muscles while relaxing.” Ok... so... I got it... relax... So I followed the instructions, mostly. I went to my whacking sanctuary, lubricated it, and slid it into place, making sure the perineum stimulator nudged up nicely, and started flexing my PC muscles.

According to many forums, and much of the literature I'd read, the Aneros line of toys is supposed to allow for the elusive hands free orgasm for males. I experimented for about a half-hour with flexing at different frequencies and strengths, and then relinquishing control to natural reflexes. Given enough patience, I was sure that I could achieve it, but eagerness was the word of the moment so I quickly let my hands in on the action. Normally a good whack will take me 20-30 minutes to finish. Not this time. About 5 minutes (judging by the fact that a single track on my EDM playlist had gone by) passed, and I was already feeling the tell-tale twitches. Not since first discovering auto-eroticism do I remember climaxing so fast or with such force, and I'm not sure I've ever ejaculated with the volume I achieved. Even before I came, I noticed I was dribbling pre-cum like a broken faucet loses water, but even that was nothing compared to the torrents I blasted.

Over the next week of testing, I was delighted to find that my new tool, unlike regular masturbation, did not become less fun or impressive with each usage, but rather, the more I learned to control it, the more useful and powerful it became. Sadly, I never found the hands free orgasm, but I was able to get myself almost to the point of no return several times and it would take less than 5 minutes with added penile stimulation to achieve.

As far as INTRApersonal activities go, the Helix proved it was more than formidable, but it also managed to shine when used with a partner. Overcoming initial apprehension with a partner who may be less open minded than a person willing to try the helix may take some effort, but is well worth it. Having the additional sensory input driving you will definitely have an impact on your performance. Aneros now has two official fans in this household.

All told the helix has nothing but good points to remark on. The size is enough to feel filling, but not large enough to be intimidating to anal amateurs. The only prohibitive factor I can possibly see in the helix is the retail price which hovers around $75. Some may see this as a bit of a high price for a toy that doesn't vibrate, light up, or cook you breakfast. It is, with complete certainty I assure you, worth every dollar. Pick one up as soon as possible, your pent up sexual energy that previously had no way to be realized will thank you.

Oddest Searches November 2008

And now for the oddest searches of November 2008 in no particular order:

- stuck anus lube (You're not supposed to use the bottle, just the lube inside)
- gauged ear sex (Hey if that's your thing that's cool, but it kind of gives me the heebie jeebies)
- my nipples get hard when touched (Don't most people's?)
- qvqa (OMG really!?!? How many cocks can one shove into a woman?)
- email squirting (Maybe you should contact your ISP about this one. I don't think your email is supposed to squirt.)
- how to tell if your wife likes bdsm (You could just ask her)
- silicone lube fire play fetish (this sounds really dangerous)

Giving Thanks to the Voices

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! What are you thankful for?

I'm thankful for sex toys, obviously. Love 'em!

I'm also always thankful for those who speak out; those who give voice to their pain and oppression. It helps others in those same positions to know that they are not alone and that they too can fight. It is never easy, but it is always important. An old friend of mine sent me a link to her blog, Never Another Woman and I found it to be very powerful. She talks about how she was abused by her husband, but not in the ways that we usually think of. When most people think of domestic violence they think of Lifetime movies where the women are physically knocked around and possibly sexually abused as well. This woman was, and many men and women are and were, in a controlling, verbally abusive relationship. She speaks out about how he made her feel worthless and crazy. He made her feel like she was a bad mother and an awful wife. He separated her from all of her support networks so that she had no one to turn to. And because this kind of abuse was psychological in nature, she felt it was all her fault; she felt she deserved it.

But now she is speaking out. She is one small voice on the internet, but she is a powerful one. In telling her story she is able to reach out to many more people who are in the same position and to others who may not know about these kinds of abuse. What she is doing is important and risky.

So pass the link on. Pass on her story. You never know who it might help. She also has links to resources for domestic abuse and even has some forums set up for people to talk about the issues she addresses.

I hope you all have a safe and happy Thanksgiving.

BDSM Warm Ups

My wife and I want to get more into bondage and S&M but she keeps telling me I need to warm up more and her explanations on how to do so don't really help. Any reference sources or tips you could give would really help.

The thing I love about BDSM more than anything is the dedication to communication that many in the scene have. I wish that everyone communicated as much and as well as people in the BDSM scene. Boundaries, expectations, likes and dislikes, safe words, and consent are all often discussed before any type of sex play starts. If everyone was committed to communication like this we'd be a lot happier and more satisfied.

So when you tell me that her explanations aren't helping I have to wonder where the communication is suffering. Is she not willing to give all the details of what she wants? Many are afraid to ask for what they want, often assuming that their partner should just know how to please them and then ending up disappointed when it doesn't go the way they wanted it to. Or are you not asking adequate questions? Don't be afraid to ask her what she means or even to have her demonstrate on you so you can get a clearer picture.

I can't really tell you what it is that she wants you to do or give you a clearer explanation. Heck you didn't even tell me if she was a top or a bottom. But I did learn a lot of things at a recent workshop I attended at Early to Bed taught by the beautiful and talented Mistress Crimson.

She suggested that warming up a bottom should include literally warming them up by getting their blood flowing. This can decrease pain and bruising. Some examples she gave included massaging the areas you will be smacking around and light slapping with your hand or a riding crop.

As for warming up a top - and yes, tops need to be warmed up as well - its all about setting the mood. It can be difficult for a top to go from romantic dinner out on the town to tying up and spanking their partner. Sure the bottom is ready, willing, and able, but the top often feels a need to transition. Mistress Crimson suggested putting on a CD or a certain outfit that signifies playtime and makes you feel sexy and powerful.

So maybe your wife means something like that? Or maybe she means she needs a psychological warm up. Some people need to feel free to enter a different place when they are going to be doing a BDSM scene. They may just need to zone out or they may want to play a part like evil headmistress or naughty schoolgirl.

So really my advice is to talk some more. Try to figure out what it is your wife really wants and if you don't understand, ask questions. And if she doesn't want to tell you, point out that you cannot read her mind, but really want to be able to please her.