Review: Alone For You

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New Blog

I've started a new blog. Yes, I am crazy. Did you not know this? Even though I don't really have the time, I have started a new one. This is going to be a bit different and a lot more personal. It'll kind of be like my sex blog, but my version of a sex blog because I always have to be complicated like that. The new blog is over at XCritic and I've written my first post in which I describe exactly what the purpose of the blog will be. Check it out. I hope you enjoy the new read! There is a link at the bottom of the page that lets you subscribe to the feed.

e[lust] #6

HNT Courtesy of Having My Cake And Eating It Too

Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #7? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Exposing My Self to Airport Security - I stared right at her until she looked away and called for assistance for a pat-down search.  I gaped, chin dropped: holy shit, they’re gonna give me a pat down cuz I’m packing a silicon cock.

Prefect’s Prerogative - When I neglect this duty, or don’t perform it to his satisfaction, he makes me light a fire in his room, and stand in front of it in just my school shirt and white socks.

Attention Women: There is Something Wrong With Your Vagina - Yes, that’s what your vagina needs: a breath mint. Because, just like vagina shouldn’t smell like vagina, it also shouldn’t taste like vagina.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

The Perfect Fat – Why do clothes designers assume that if you’re plus-sized you’re 1. over 5′9″ and 2. over the age of 45 or “matronly and modest”? At the age of 32 I am not yet ready to dress like my grandmother.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Zipless - “I have some Scotch in my room—maybe you’d join me? You know, in the interest of not drinking alone…” She smiled. Perhaps she could yet salvage the day’s ending.



See also: Pleasurists #61 for all your sex toy review needs.
Also in recent sex news, check out the coverage of the Adult Entertainment Expo that happened in Las Vegas a couple weeks ago. You’ll see videos and articles from our fellow sex-bloggers on fun things like a rodeo penis and new sex toys not even on the market yet!

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Arousal is not consent
Psychosexual: Does the G spot exist? Do I care?
Reputable Help for Haiti
Squicked
That’ll be 151 Nickels
The Case of the Mysteriously Vanishing G-spot
Transtastic: Joking About Being Trans
Vegas – Day One – Diva’s Quick Recap
Vegas – Day One – Tess’s Thoughts
Why Don’t They Just LEAVE?

Kink & Fetish

Anatomy of a Mindfuck
Bad Submissive
Claiming: Go Pantiless After
Dating Refresher
Electric fuck
Fetishes and me
Kinky With Class
Laziness never pays off
Piercing reversal
Resolution
Titty Fuck
The Coffee Date, Part 2
The Job Interview
Without Reason

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

BDSM Relationship Advice for Newbies
Greedy For The Verse
Hang Ups and Hand Jobs
Ivy Madden
If she had just been a better wife…
Insomnia
Swinging
The Sexiness Beneath
Weightlessness

Erotic Writing

42DD
A Different Kind of Fuck
Across the Room
All in a Play Party’s Night
Amazing Night
Bedtime Story
Behind You
Breathe and Let Go
Done by a Clown
Evening Home
Glow
Lick You As Long As You Like
Moments of Clarity
Naughty Neighbor
Saturday Night’s Alright (For Swapping)
Sex and Video Games
Slip sliding away
The Slut Chronicles #11 ~ The Dinner Party
Thursdays
Tyler
Visitors in my Bedroom
Wicked Wednesday: Altitude
When you Talk About Maelee

Hard Time Getting Wet

Hi! So I lost my virginity to my boyfriend a few months ago (I'm just over 18) but we haven't had sex since. We've tried, but it really really really hurts when he tries to go in. It might be because I'm not wet enough? We used lube the first time because, yeah, I wasn't wet enough. I just can't seem to get wet when we begin the foreplay and I don't know why? Please help.

If you haven't read my post about painful sex after losing your virginity be sure to read it. I address a lot of the possible issues there. But I wanted to do another blog post that specifically focuses on the subject of vaginal lubrication which you say might be the reason the sex is painful.

First of all, every woman is different. Some women get really wet, but may not feel particularly aroused while other women may be so aroused that they'll hump the closest thing that vibrates (washing machine?), but they'll be really dry. And then of course there is everyone in between.
There are many reasons that a woman may or may not get wet and those can differ throughout her lifetime. Some of these may include: 

1. You were made that way: Its just genetics and there's no changing it. If you were to ask your mother she might site the same problems with vaginal dryness.
2. Hormones: As our menstrual cycle changes so does our body. You may have noticed other changes in your body as well. During ovulation vaginal lubrication becomes waterier so that it is easier to get pregnant. And as many women get older menopause can turn their vaginas into the Sahara Desert. 
3. Medication: A lot of different medications have side-effects. Some of them can cause vaginal dryness. The main culprits are anti-depressants, hormonal birth control, anti-histamines, and decongestants (they don't only dry out your nose). 
4. Diet/Exercise: Your overall level of health effects natural body functions. In general, the healthier you are, the better your body functions.
5. Hydration: If you don't drink enough water you are going to have a harder time producing the wet stuff.
6. Life: Life throws curveballs. So much that goes on in our day to day can really effect us. Stress, depression, sleep deprivation, pregnancy, lactation, and menopause can all effect your ability to lubricate.
7. Drugs/Alcohol: Sex and drugs just don't mix. That being said, there can be some exceptions to this rule. Smoking pot has been known to help with Anorgasmia, but that's another post for another day.
8. Latex: You all should be having safer sex! And latex actually dries a vagina out. Add extra lube to make things more slippery and fun and also to prevent the condom from breaking.
   

Some of this stuff is changeable, some of it is not. And lets face it, sometimes you want to have sex when you're drunk. In these cases, and in really any case, lube is a fantastic option. Lube makes everything better. There are 3 main types of lube:

1. Water-based: Most lubes are water-based and these tend to be the easiest to find and are often cheaper than some other types. They are condom compatible and easily wash out of sheets. If water based lube dries out, you can add more lube or add some water or spit to rejuvenate it. Look at the ingredients list on lube bottles before buying them. Try to avoid stuff like fragrance, glycerin, honey (actually saw this one in a certain type of KY), and flavors. Flavored lube is really only for external use (i.e. oral sex and rim jobs). Recommendations: Liquid Silk, Maximus, Slippery Stuff, or if you have a lot of allergies SliquidH2O
   
2. Silicone-based: Because these are not water-based they do not wash away, which makes this a great option for shower sex, but also means that it can stain your sheets. Lay a towel down before using silicone lube. A lot of people love that silicone lube doesn't dry up as fast as water-based lubes which means a little goes a long way. They may be more expensive, but it ends up evening out in the end. Just remember that you can't use silicone-based lube with most silicone sex toys, but they can be used with condoms. Recommendations: Pink, Pjur, and Gun Oil. Some silicone lubricants contain aloe. This can make them dry up a little faster than the ones that don't.
   
3. Oil-Based: Oil-based lubes should really only be used for masturbation. Men can use them to jerk off with and women can rub a little bit of oil on their clits. These lubricants DO NOT belong inside a vagina and they will degrade a latex condom making it useless. Therefore I will not make any recommendations on this one.

If you can't decide what will work best for you, many sex shops carry lube sampler packs that will have small 1 or 2 time use pillows of their bestselling lubes. Babeland, Good Vibrations, and Early to Bed all have great samplers.

Related Reading
1. We Waited Until Marriage
2. Staying a Virgin
3. Flaming Lube!

Trust Women

Today is the 37th anniversary of Roe v. Wade and the 5th annual Blog for Choice event. For the Past 5 years NARAL has been asking bloggers questions related to the right to choose in order to raise awareness for reproductive rights and ask what they mean to us. This year's question is:

In honor of Dr. George Tiller, who often wore a button that simply read, "Trust Women," this year's Blog for Choice question is:
What does Trust Women mean to you?

To me, trusting women is about understanding that we can make our own informed decisions. We do not need to be coddled. We do not need to be told misinformation in order to make the "right decision." We do not need to be forced to look at ultrasounds of the fetus to make a decision that we've already thought long and hard about. We do not need to be ordered by a court to do what is best for us and our families. If kids are given comprehensive sex education they will be given the tools with which to make informed decisions about sex and family planning. Women will have the ability to prevent unwanted pregnancies and to plan families if and when they want to. We need to help women to be able to make the right decisions for them by helping everyone to be educated about sex and sexuality.

I also think that part of trusting women is listening to their stories and having more women coming forward with them (if they so choose) to show that they make hard decisions that are right for them. Abortion especially is so demonized and we normally only talk about it in terms of rape or incest cases, but what about the rest of the women out there who get them? So many women feel like they can't come out and share their stories because they do not want to be demonized or judged for making a decision that was right for them. That was why I shared my story back in August soon after Dr. Tiller's murder. Read it here.

Related reading:
1. STIs and Sexual Responsibility
2. Contraception
3. Can you Get Pregnant from the Withdrawal Method?

If you Google it, I will Answer #2

I love seeing how people get to my site. And sometimes they inadvertently find my site by asking a question I never answer here. That makes me sad :( So in the interest of getting people's questions answered I will respond to questions I see people googling to get here.

Does more body hair equal better sex?

There is no simple sex + n = better sex equation except maybe where n=communication or enthusiasm, but I don't consider those to be simple since they're done in so many different ways. So no, body hair doesn't equal better sex unless your partner is into Bears. And if that is the case, then by all means don't shave anything ever again.

Pleasurists #61

by Gene Magic

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #60? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #62? Use our submission form and submit it before Sunday January 24th at 11:59pm PST. Be sure to read our submission guidelines.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• Giftcard Giveaway! Deadline: January 22nd.
• A Tickler of Your Choice! Deadline: January 24th @ 10pm Pacific.
• Mona? Mona! Deadline: January 25th @ 11:59 Eastern.
• EZ Bend Vibrator Giveaway Deadline: January 31st @ 6pm Central.
• Evolved Vibrator Giveaway! Deadline: February 1st.
• Cupid’s Fun Factory Contest Deadline: February 10th @ 11:59pm.

Looking for something other than reviews?

e[lust] #5

Editor’s Pick

• Basic Essentials Softee by Undressed Reviews

Marketing Guy 1:
What do chicks love?

Marketing Guy 2:
My Dick!

MG 1 & 2:
WOOOOOAAAAAAHHHHH!

MG 1:
No seriously, though…they love pink…and….and….

MG 2:
My Dick!

Note: Seriously hilarious. If you like your reviews with a side of comedy and snark like I do this one is fantastic and may occasionally have you wondering wtf.

Editrix

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

• LELO Ina by Amber from Scarlet’s Letter
• Thrusting Jack Rabbit by True Pleasures
• Chester Cheeky by Ginger Leigh
• Impulse 5 Hypersonic Wand by Joan Price
• Tongue Joy Turbo Pack by Red
• Power Breeze Bullet by Joan Price
• Wahl by Epiphora
• Sweet Stimulator by Mistress Kay
• LELO Gigi by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• MyPleasure Cosmetic Kit by Mistress Kay
• Lovemoiselle Cecile by Wilhelmina Wang
• Tantus Delta by namelesschaos
• JeJoue Gi-ki by Saraid
• She Devil by Sundae
• The Cone by Kristy

Dildos

• Fun Factory Wave by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

Anal Toys

• Pop Plug Large by Darling Dove
• Crystal Chic Wand by Dr. Ruthie

Toys for Cocks

• Support Plus Extended Ring Head Exciter by Alley

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

• Pink water by Sarahbear
• AfterGlow Wipes by Scintillectual
• Afterglow Wipes by Cinnamon
• Body Essentials Kit by Beautiful Dreamer
• Pjur Med Clean Spray by Sexorcism

BDSM/Fetish

• Behind the Back Restraints by Cinnamon
• Hog Tie Set by Sammi
• Doc Johnson Bondage Rope by Mistress Kay
• Leather Paddle with Fleece by Mistress Kay
• Teddy Bear Spank-Her by Mistress Kay
• Adjustable Spreader Bar by J’s Alley

Adult Books

• Moregasm by Undressed Reviews
• Carrie’s Story by Mistress Kay

Adult Movies/Porn

• Girls Make Love by Garnet Joyce
• Women Seeking Women: Volume 50 by Thursday’s Child
• Roulette Dirty South by J.D. Bauchery
• Sun Valley Bareback by FrzKey
• Collin O’Neal’s World Of Men – Colombia by The Porn Librarian
• Hustlers Untrue Hollywood Stories Lindsay Lohan by J.D. Bauchery
• Foxy Nudes by FrzKey

Sex Furniture

• Fetish Fantasy Mini Position Master by True Pleasures

Storage

• For Your Nymphomation Adult Toybox by Kaijah

If you Google it, I will Answer

I love seeing how people get to my site. And sometimes they inadvertently find my site by asking a question I never answer here. That makes me sad :( So in the interest of getting people's questions answered I will respond to questions I see people googling to get here.

Can oral sex bleach beards?

No, no it cannot. Unless your sweetie is bleaching their pubes at the time, but that sounds lethal. You might want to call poison control.

Tip/Fact of the Day

I will be tweeting a sex tip or fact of the day every day until I run out of them. Some you may know, some you may not. Follow me to learn things!

Tips I've tweeted so far:
- if your vag feels a little dry, rub a little silicone lube on it in the morning & feel smooth & slick all day
- Honey dust is great 4 licking off ur partner, but did u know it absorbs moisture? Dust it btwn sheets or in sandals 2 absorb sweat

If you don't twitter, don't worry! All of my tweets are published to facebook as well (when its working properly). Friend me on facebook to see my updates there. Mention you read my blog when adding me.

Did you not understand one of my tip/fact tweets or just want more info? Send me an email and let me know and I will go into further detail on my blog.

Swinging

There are lots of different kinds of romantic and sexual relationships to be had. Unfortunately, the only one that our society seems to condone is heterosexual monogamy. And because our society pressures people into these types of relationships, the majority of Americans try to live by these standards even if its not what fits them. *cough* Tiger Woods *cough*

The next type of relationship that is slowly gaining ground is homosexual monogamy. Its not quite there yet, but it mimics the one type of relationship that the majority of society approves of, even if the majority of society doesn't actually participate in it. It is more comforting to the majority of Americans because it is similar to their own ideals … especially as they pin conforming gender characteristics on each of the partners. Because as we all know, someone has to be the girl and someone has to be the boy in the relationship. You can't see me, but I'm rolling my eyes here.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not knocking either of these types of relationship. Heck, I'm in a monogamous relationship. I'm just saying that they're not for everyone. My wife and I are monogamous because we chose to be. We've also talked about the possibility that it might not be what we always want. We try to be honest about those possibilities and it would be nice if more people were honest about them as well. Because it does seem a little unlikely that everyone will be able to remain completely faithful for 50+ years of marriage.

What I always stress for everyone in any type of relationship is communication and honesty. And guess what, if you're trying to live up to an ideal of monogamy, but you don't have the ability to be monogamous, you're lying to your partner. You're putting them at risk for heartbreak and sexually transmitted infections and you're putting your relationship in jeopardy.

So what are your other options? There are a multitude of different types of open relationships. I've discussed some parts of them before. But my problem is that I almost always default to talking about or thinking about polyamorous relationships. The reason for this is because I have my own personal ideas about what makes a relationship a good one. No one is without faults here. I definitely place judgment in this area, which is no good because I try to be judgment free. But the reason I tend to prefer poly relationships is because there is often a strong emphasis on communication, honesty, and safer sex. And because its also just more queer friendly than some of the other options. Plus, while sex is awesome, I tend to prefer my sexual relationships to be with people I have genuine feelings for (whether romantic or not, I like to have a friendship) and poly folks often talk about how they just have a lot of love to share. So today I'm going to spend some time talking about a different option: swinging

I've made myself research the topic instead of just telling you what my preconceived notions of swinging are. Because, as I found while I was researching, my preconceived notions were often at least slightly false.

Okay, so what is swinging? Normally, swinging is done by white, middle or upper-middle class, middle aged professional heterosexual couples and single women, with the occasional single man sprinkled in for some variety. -I feel like I'm giving you a recipe.- The belief amongst a lot of these straight couples is that by playing together within their marriage, they are saving their marriage. This is exactly what I was talking about before about being open with each other about not wanting monogamy. These couples will often go to special swinger parties, bars, vacations, etc. in order to pick up other couples or single women. The internet is also used a lot to find others into the swinging lifestyle (more on this later). Then once the couple finds another couple or single that they both find attractive, they engage in different types of sexual play based off of what they have agreed on as a couple previously. There's that fantastic communication again! They may decide to engage in penis-in-vagina intercourse, anal sex, oral sex, handjobs, or just massages.

So far swinging sounds pretty fantastic, right? So what's my beef with it?

Well, one of the biggest reasons I didn't like swinging was because I had the preconceived notion that they weren't big on having safer sex. Well, I did a little research and actually found that most swingers clubs that allow sexual activity on the premises actually require condom use. Well that's awesome! However, I still don't think that they use as much protection as necessary if they are going to be playing around with several different partners. They should also be using gloves and dental dams as well as condoms for oral sex, not just intercourse.

Promiscuity ups your chances of contracting an STI and while condoms can protect against some stuff, they don't protect against everything. A lot of people don't seem to know this, but HPV can be spread through hands. Person A gives Person B a handjob. Person B has genital warts. Person A gets a wart on their hand. Person A gives Person C a handjob and now Person C has genital warts. Not to mention Person B spreading the warts down to their genitals from masturbation and then to their own partner. Yay we have an epidemic! So, I'd really like to see swingers, and everyone else, use more safer sex practices more often. Its just smart.

The next reason I'm not too big on the lifestyle is totally my own personal issue. As I mentioned before, I prefer to have sex with someone that I can have some sort of relationship with. Whether this is love or just a good friendship depends on the person, but in general, it feels more rewarding and safer (knowing their health status and their protection rates) than having one night stands or shallow relationships. Keeping in mind that I've had A LOT of one night stands so I'm really not one to speak on the topic. But swingers, in general, tend to keep their relationships pretty shallow in order to keep the jealousy angle out of their marriage. That way they don't have to worry about their partner leaving them for someone else they met at a swingers club. Now I want to make this very clear that there really isn't anything wrong with this. This is just my own personal belief system and you should not make any decisions based on my own hangups.

Finally, I am a bit against swinging because the lifestyle can be a tad homophobic. The swinging lifestyle mostly caters to heterosexual couples and bisexual or bi-curious women. The women are allowed , and sometimes even assumed, to have an attraction to other women while the men are supposed to be completely heterosexual. Now, this isn't always the case, but amongst most swinging circles, it is very taboo for a man to desire or touch another man. And you know, that's cool if that's not what you're interested in. But its very limiting to men who may be bisexual themselves. So what if another dude hits on you and you're not into it? You say no and he respects your answer. This is exactly what is supposed to happen in the swinging lifestyle when a man hits on a woman and she's not interested. She says no and he respects her rejection.

Along those same lines though is why I actually have to give some props to the swinging lifestyle. The women, in general, are in control. There tends to be a lot less coercion going on within the lifestyle because without the women's consent, there will be no play. This is at least what I've read over and over from people who are in the lifestyle. There are a lot of rules based around making sure the women are fully consenting and enjoying themselves.

So why am I telling you all this? Mostly in hopes that anyone who is participating in, or is interested in getting involved in the swinger lifestyle can maybe learn some things from me and take them into their meetings and clubs. Change is always possible. One can dream, right?

For those of you who are considering swinging or any type of open relationship, or for those who are more seasoned, but are interested in learning more, as always, I highly recommend Tristan Taormino's book Opening Up. She goes over the ins and outs of all types of open relationships.

But once you've read up on swinging and you decide you want to participate in it, how do you go about doing that? Swingers clubs don't exactly advertise on TV or billboards along the highway. The internet is always a great resource for these kinds of things, but with anything sexual there are always risks. So many websites where people can find sex are just filled with scammers and prostitutes. And if you don't want a prostitute, that can get pretty damn frustrating.

So where does one turn? Not to Craigslist. Good luck finding anyone legit there. I was recently pointed to LifestyleLounge and I gotta say that if you're a heterosexual swinger, this site could definitely be for you. One of the key things that makes this site better than a lot of others is the “real seal”, which lets you know that these people are real, not scammers. One gets the seal by first meeting with someone else from the website. The downside to this of course is that you will have to convince someone you're real so they'll meet you and be willing to stamp you in. But once that happens, you're golden. One thing to keep in mind though is that even if someone has the real seal, it doesn't mean they are safe. Always meet in public first. This is a good tactic anyways since you don't know if you'll have chemistry in real life. Its better to meet and talk a bit in a safer space before say, going back to someone's hotel room.

Lifestyle Lounge also has news on local swingers events going on in your neighborhood, messageboards so you can learn more about the lifestyle from your fellow swingers, chatrooms, and even a travel planner so you can meet up with others while you visit other cities or while they visit your city. Its pretty in depth which is important because it is a pay-site, but there is a free 7 day trial.

There are even direct links for local sites which makes it easier to find couples in your neighborhood. So say I want to check out swingers events in my neighborhood, I would go to Chicago Swingers because I live in Chicago. If you lived in Milwaukee you'd go here to search for Milwaukee swingers. You get the idea.

In searching around the website, I did find the same kinds of issues I talked about above. For example, if you try to sign up as a queer couple you'll find you can't. Signing up as a couple automatically assumes you're in a heterosexual relationship even though the site does give you the opportunity to state being interested in gay men and women. Maybe they'll fix that? I won't hold my breath, but as I said before, if you're a hetero couple this may be the site for you.


Some things to keep in mind before getting involved in the lifestyle:

• Swingers tend to be pretty vanilla. Not much kink going on. Other scenes are better if you're kinky. BDSM sex clubs anyone? I know I'll be checking one out soon … details later … maybe ...

• Orgies tend to be pretty darn rare. In general it seems to be more “wife swapping” but often in the same room

• There are VERY few gay, lesbian, or trans folks that identify as swingers

• Swingers tend to be a pretty close knit group, which means that if you don't respect people's boundaries and follow rules you will get weeded out quickly.

• Even though most conservative groups would consider swinging to be adultery, it is rarely brought up in politics the way that other relationships are (ex: gay marriage and BDSM). And I could probably write another whole blog just on this topic.

• Swingers go on vacations together and often take over whole hotels. Which, admittedly, sounds kind of fun.

• There are a few swinger communities that support male/male attraction and host events that cater towards bisexual men and women, but they are few and far between. If you're interested in this, you'll really need to do your research.

Related Reading:
1. Wife Unsure About Sex With Others
2. STIs and Sexual Responsibility
3. The 3 C's of Sex

Disclaimer: This post has been paid for by Loud Launch which helps bloggers and advertisers connect. Loud Launch is working as an agent for Lifestyle Lounge. All opinions are my own and I never let anyone tell me what to write or how to write it.