Blowjob Tips!

This was recently asked on the message boards of a site I hang out on by a person who is super awesome and near and dear to my heart. I responded there, but I decided I'd post my response here as well since amazingly enough, after 2+ years I don't have a single post on how to give a blowjob on this blog.

I'm queer, mostly dating genderqueer 'girls'/bois/trans, etc, but I will date born-men, too. It's just been less common. Since my last break up I've been on a man-bender, but oral sex is kinda personal...I haven't been with that many dudes and it's been years since I've given a blowjob on anything more than a dildo where it's the same in many ways, but different.

So tips for giving head! I know you have 'em. ...no teeth is a given, I'm not daft Go!

Enthusiasm is key. You have to actually enjoy doing it and want to do it. That always makes things hotter. Take time to look him in the eye and moan while you're sucking him off.

Start off a bit slow. Don't go right into the sucking. Lick and stroke his cock, getting it nice and slippery.

Use both hands and your mouth. Get everything into the action! Stroke his cock with one (lubed or saliva'd) hand like you're following the stripes on a barber pole, follow that hand with your mouth, and use the other one to play with his balls, perineum, and ass if he's willing. While you're doing this pay special attention to his frenulum, which is on the underside of the head of the penis. This is one of the most sensitive areas on most men.

To make it even more fun you can straddle his thigh while he lays on his back so that you can grind your cunt into his leg. Breasts brushing against body parts can also help. Really blow jobs are a whole body activity, but many women are only using their mouths.

Also, don't worry about slobbering. The more slobber the better. And most men seem to enjoy the slurpy noises that go along with it.

Keep in mind that these instructions are a jumping off point. Ultimately the most important part of pleasing your partner is paying attention. You have to pay attention to the way they react to you and what you're doing. Ask questions, experiment, and have fun. Everyone is different and that's what makes sex interesting.

(This question was originally asked by a cis-female, but the answer can be adapted to other genders as well. Rub whatever body parts your partner finds to be sexy on their body. Um ... not including your eyes ... unless you're both into that ...)

Harness/Dildo Recommendations

Gotta say that I love your blog even if I'm not necessarily the intended audience.

I've got another question. I'm the "Phil" who loves to use strapons with my wife (Men Wearing Strap-ons). There are lots of strapons on the market. Lately I've settled on the Alias 6 inch vibrating strapon, occasionally using Doc Johnson a 7" vibrating strapon. But I would like to spice it up a bit and get some variety.

What strapons do you suggest? The ones designed as "hollow" don't suit as I have no erectile issues and generally don't fit inside which results in a "floppy" or not solid dildo, so I generally stay away from ones designed for men. My partner likes about the 6-7inch mark but needs it to vibrate strongly. What are your picks?

There is no one who is not my intended audience. My hope is that everyone can learn at least one new thing by reading my blog. So believe it or not Phil, you are my intended audience. And I'm very happy that you love my blog.

There are indeed a lot of strap-ons on the market and you sir are using crappy quality ones. I'm sorry to say it, but you're really getting what you're paying for. The cheap materials and lack of versatility make for bad quality sex toys. You should actually probably be using condoms with those dildos if you aren't already. Seriously, you can't really be sure whats in them. The truth is that the sex toy industry is a mostly unregulated one. Sex toys are deemed novelty items and therefore not intended to be put in your body. Awful, right?

So I can give you my recommendations, but they may end up costing you a pretty penny. But the good news is that the stuff I can recommend is going to last you a lot longer, will be a lot more body safe, and more versatile.

You shouldn't buy a strap-on, you should buy a harness and a dildo which ends up equaling a strap-on. You should be purchasing a harness that is compatible with many dildos. That way you can vary the cocks without having to have a million and one harnesses. Also, its a lot easier to take care of them if you can separate them. And let me just say that vac-u-lock sucks. Lets just get that out there. They use crappy materials and its basically a trick so you only buy their products since only one company makes them. *breathes*

Okay, that's been said. Now what I would recommend for a male bodied individual would be the Commando Harness because it leaves room for your junk and because its super versatile and comfy. It comes with 2 different sized O-rings that will hold your super fantastic new strap-on dildo(s). Another option would be the Crown Harness which sits higher up and out of the way of your junk. This one comes with 3 different O-rings which will allow for quite the variety in size of dildo. Or, if you're anti-leather you can try the Velvet Harness. The cushy backplate comes off easily in order to accommodate more space for your junk. Plus its nylon so it will be a bit easier to take care of.

Now for dildos you really want to be looking for one made out of silicone. They are a bit pricier but they will last a looooong time. Some of them even have lifetime warranties. They're also non-porous which means bacteria won't harbor in them and it is a body safe material. This translates to you not needing to use a condom with these bad boys. They are a-ok! Some options of vibrating silicone dildos:

• Buzz is a sleek purple silicone dildo measuring 6.5"x1.5"
• Echo is textured for some more interesting sensations. Size-wise it is the same as Buzz
• Prince is also a smooth silicone dildo, but the hole in the bottom where the vibe goes is bigger than the previously mentioned ones, which makes this one more versatile for using with other vibrators. Prince is also the same size as the previous two.
  
• Pink Panther is a smooth silicone dildo that looks nothing like a cock if you're interested in that. It is also a bit shorter and thinner than the previous dildos measuring in at 6"x1.25"
• Leo is a bit heftier of a cock measuring in at 7.125"x1.5." Leo is a very popular model and resembles a penis a bit more than the other dildos I've mentioned so far. I feel like he may actually a bit girthier than the measurements say though.
  
• Woody is fabulous in red and also looks more like a real penis than some of the others. This guy is a pretty standard 6.5"x1.5"

  All of these dildos come with a vibrator although they're not particularly strong vibes. One of my fellow sex bloggers, Red, recently reviewed a really powerful bullet that is the same size as the standard watch battery vibe that comes with all the above dildos, but is more powerful. Check out her review here. The one thing to keep in mind though is that while it would be more convenient to pull the bullet out of the dildo by its cord, that will shorten its life by a lot so it is inadvisable.

The thing is, is that bullet vibe is extremely expensive. I honestly haven't seen any bullet vibes that are that pricey (granted I don't spend much time looking at bullet vibes), but it seems a bit ridiculous. So what I'm thinking is that the regular vibe that comes with the dildo might be okay if your wife held a vibe on her clit while you're doing her. Not too many women need strong vibrations in their vagina unless they're not receiving clitoral stimulation. There are tons of vibrators on the market so its difficult to give recommendations since I don't really know what your wife likes. But luckily Babeland has a great guide for choosing a vibrator. But let me know if you need any more specific recommendations.

Some News

You know I always like to keep you folks updated so I just wanted to share some news with you.

First, I was recently brought on to the XCritic team where I will be reviewing porn and the occasional sex toy. When I publish my reviews there I will give you a little tidbit and a link here so that you can read more if you're interested. The first porn flicks on my list are both Abby Winters.

Secondly, I was recently put on the list of reviewers for JT's Stockroom. I'm super excited about this because I hope they give me the chance to review items that are a bit more kinky and fetishy. There is one side note that I want to make about this. You may have noticed that I added both JT's Stockroom and Extreme Restraints to my sidebar. They both sell some sort of anal desensitizer and we all know that I am extremely against this. In fact this usually deters me from even promoting a site at all. However, I gave it some thought and decided that both sites offered entirely too many quality products that are difficult to find elsewhere. So please, if you visit either site, use caution and research what you are buying.

Finally, I will be starting to do some paid advertisement blogging here on my site. Now, I want everyone to know what this means exactly. I will never shill myself out for companies or products I don't agree with. I will never promote anything that I think causes harm. I will only ever write about products/companies the way I choose to write about them. I will never give anyone creative control over my blog. My blog has always been a labor of love, which specifically means I make almost no money doing this. The free stuff is great, but I really would like to make income here too. And most importantly, I will never spam you. So what this basically means is that companies will be paying me to promote their stuff, but I will be choosing what stuff to promote. And I will be choosing how to promote it. And so that you know that I was paid to do the write-up, there will be a disclaimer telling you that the company is sponsoring that particular post. But don't ignore it just because I was paid to do it. I really will be putting my heart and soul into those pieces as well as everything else I do on my blog.

That's all for now! Hope everyone is having a fantastic holiday season!

Granting Wishes

Just wanted to remind everyone that there is always time to grant your favorite sex bloggers their holiday wishes. Most of us work for free or next to nothing so its always nice to know we're appreciated since our blogs are a labor of love. So if you haven't done so yet, check out the following bloggers and grant them a wish if you can. Many gifts may not even require money. I've already filled several wishes for many of these lovely ladies.

• My list I also added a wishlist to JT's Stockroom in my sidebar.
• Epiphora
• Ashley
• Beautiful Dreamer
• Toygirl
• Essin’ Em
• Sara
• Cleofaye
• Saraid
• Dangerous Lilly
• Wilhelmina
• Scarlet Lotus
• Domina Doll
• Alley
• Sarahbear
• Juliettia
• Rose 

Then once you've gotten something for them, try to win something for yourself by entering the awesome FetLife contest where they have 217 prizes totaling close to $25,000. WANT!!

But I'm Not a Rapist

This is a rather late response to a few blogs. The reason is that I kept telling myself that I wasn't going to write on the topic, but then I couldn't stop thinking about it. So obviously I just need to get this out on the internets so that I can get it out of my head.

The blogs that sparked this post:

Britni is Shameless

Hubman's Hangout

There's really just one issue that I want to address here and that is this idea that men are offended when women say that they feel the need to look at every man as a potential rapist.

First of all, 1/3^rd of all women will be the victim of sexual assault in their lifetime (source pdf). Many of those women are assaulted more than once. That is a LOT of sexual assault. But you know that someone has to be assaulting these women. And we also know that men are the main perpetrators of violent crime (source). So logically, men are the ones assaulting these women. How come we never hear statistics of how many men are rapists? 1/3^rd of women are sexually assaulted, but what fraction of men are doing the assaulting? And since men commit the most violent crimes against each other, why aren't men more afraid of other men?

So considering how many women are assaulted and how men are almost always the perpetrators, isn't it just a survival tactic to be wary around men? And I think the biggest problem here is that we're more wary around men we don't know, which is a problem since its usually the ones we do know who attack us. Do we think all men are rapists? No, but its difficult to tell which ones are and which ones aren't. Sometimes its safer to assume that a man we just met is a rapist so that we take extra precautions.

One of the most powerful statements I've heard about this subject is actually from a man. I've posted the video on my blog here before, but to reiterate he says “Ask a woman in your life who you care about, how her life would be different if the threat of sexual assault didn't exist. And listen to what she says; don't talk just listen to what she says. Because you will see how constrained her life is.” I think that part of the reason that men may feel offended by our statements is because they don't really try to understand what women go through every day of their lives. I've never been outright raped or assaulted. Its actually difficult to define the sexual violations I've experienced because they don't follow the usual definitions. But needless to say, I have felt violated in many ways. And like most women, I live in constant fear. Its a fear that is ingrained within us from childhood. Talk to your female loved ones and really listen to what they have to say.

I don't think that men should be offended by the statement that every man is a potential rapist. The reaction: “Well, I'm not a rapist” is a way of blocking out the problem. Its a way of saying that its not your problem. As if the problem only lies with women and their rapists. We desperately need men to fight against rape along side of us. Instead of being offended and throwing up a wall, be shocked by the statement, understand it, and work to change it. If we are ever going to see an end to sexual assault we need men to help us.

What needs to be done is we need to change our culture. Instead of always telling women to protect themselves we need to understand that the culture encourages men to rape women. We need to stop blaming women for being assaulted. We need to change our views of sex, ownership, and gender. The onus needs to be placed on those who perpetuate a culture of violence and rape.

You may never have raped or assaulted a woman yourself, but have you made a joke about sexually or physically abusing a woman? Have you laughed at jokes like these that your friends tell? Or have you even just sat by being offended by what someone is saying about women, but you haven't spoken up? Has a woman told you that she has been sexually assaulted and you didn't believe her? Or maybe you thought that if only she wasn't such a slut/drunk/risk taker that maybe she wouldn't have gotten raped in the first place? Have you ever assumed that a woman bringing a rape case against a star athlete was just in it for the money? Have you ever offered a woman drinks in order to try to have sex with her? When a woman says no to sex, do you try to convince her otherwise or do you just let it go? When you have sex with a woman do you make sure that she is an engaged and active partner or is the lack of “no” enough consent for you? Have you ever catcalled a woman on the street? Have you ever felt entitled to have sex with a woman because you bought her something or took her out? If you answered yes to any of these questions you are guilty of participating in rape culture. And I guarantee you that most people will probably answer yes to at least one. No one is perfect, but we need to realize what we're doing and change it in order to eradicate rape from our society.

Recommended Resources:

Tough Guise

Men Can Stop Rape

Yes Means Yes

Men Against Sexual Violence
The National Organization for Men Against Sexism
One in Four
Jackson Katz

e[lust] #3

HNT Courtesy of 13Messages

Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in the next edition? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

♦ This Week’s Top Three Posts ♦

Presence -  I wish that you would look at me now. I am willing you to look at me now, over her body, rocking with the motion of her mouth. But you do not.

Restraint – “Do you like what you see?” the blonde asks. “Are you excited by what’s before you?” the redhead enquires. He nods.

What Not to Fetishwear – DON’T wear a PVC sleeveless vest if you fall into the rotund category. You will look like a bowling ball. With chubby arms.

◊ e[lust] Editress ◊


Fucking for Art – The proximity of their nakedness and my scrutiny resulted in this beautiful agony of arousal for them both. I asked if they would feel comfortable doing some poses of vaginal penetration for me, and they readily agreed.


♦ Featured Post ♦

The Naked Truth – He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are.

See also: Pleasurists #56 and #57 for all your sex toy review needs

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days.  Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Tricky Balls
Propaganda Sucks in All Directions
Wicked Grounds
Which Reindeer Sex Style Are You?
Five Tuesday: 2010 AVN Award Nominees

Kink & Fetish

Come what may..
While I waited
Caning Before the Movies
Say…
Savoring Submission
The Ruler
Give In
Flagging brown
The Mummy Returns
Finding Power Through Play
Marked
Microfantasy Monday 24

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Spanksgiving
Wife Unsure About Sex With Others
Morning
Thought Provoked
December: Month of the Rant
Less is More
That’s My Cervix!
Femme Invisibility
Are You Just Kinky or Is It a Lifestyle
Baby Steps and Giant Leaps
Cyber Sex

Erotic Writing

Friends with Benefits
Prolific
The Tease
Cock. Confession #386
Shower
Cal’s wisdom
Blinded and Bound
The Little Things…
lust
The Witness
Quiet and Still
Giving and Receiving
Beasts in the Bathroom
Fixation: Touch
The Pussy Eating Challenge
An Oceans Release part 1
MFM: Etiquette
Office Party
Daydreams & Distractions Droit de Cuissage
Tant pis
Toys, toys, toys
Revenge (Pt. 1)
Gush
Claiming: Assume the Position
Painting

Thigh Harness Review

Babeland sent me a thigh harness ages ago! I swear I haven't been slacking. Its just taken me awhile to figure out how I like to use it. Because at first it just wasn't doing it for me, but with something that is so extremely different from what you are used to, it can be totally worth it to continue exploring until you figure it out.

The thigh harness is made by Sportsheets out of neoprene. To use it, the wearer slips a dildo through the hole from the underside and then wraps the harness around their thigh, securing it with velcro. And then a happy person takes that cock for a ride.

Downsides:

• Only comes in one size so if you're a bigger person you may find it difficult to wear. My thigh is 26 inches and I wasn't able to wear the harness as high up as I would've liked.

• Can wear on the knees to have someone bouncing up and down on your leg really hard.

• Doesn't protrude from the crotchal parts so there is no real genital stimulation going on from the cock riding.

Upsides:

• Doesn't protrude from the crotchal parts so you are left wide open for your partner's hands or whatever to be stimulated by them.

• Great for those with limited movement or hard to reach crotchal areas. In other words, if you're fucking in a wheelchair, sometimes its easier to hop up and down on their thigh than try to figure out where your legs go in order to get you to their pelvis.

• Great for men with ED or who have a lady/man who just plum wears them out and they need a cock substitute.

• Can be totally hot to watch your partner get him/herself off while you watch!

• You can wear one on each thigh and please two people at once!

• Its machine washable.

So when I first tried this harness out I was disappointed, but that's because I found that I didn't like to use it in traditional pelvis harness ways. It actually feels a little ridiculous some of the time. Especially if the wearer is on top and just moving their leg back and forth. One just longs for the crotch stimulation for the wearer as well.

But then I gave it some thought and decided to try it during Domination/submission play. That turned out to be more my style! There are times when I don't allow any access to my body to my sub except for my feet … if she begs. By having her ride my thigh, there is the guarantee that I won't be getting any physical stimulation, although plenty of mental. And it affords me the luxury of having to do less work with my arthritic hands. Because it can be difficult to fuck someone with a dildo or your hand after you've just spent time beating them.

So if you decide to try out the thigh harness, don't give up. Try it with different positions and different types of play. I bet you'll be able to find a way to incorporate it and make sex more fun.

Pleasurists #56

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The Decade in Porn

There is a fantastic interview with Courtney Trouble over on Fleshbot: The Decade in Porn: Courtney Trouble Looks Back On 2000-2009.

Check it out! She talks about how the internet and pornographers like her are changing porn. And it has sexy adorable pics like this one:

FemBlossom Heat Review

Its been many many months since Emotional Bliss sent me the Femblossom Heat to review. What took so long? They could not find any of the information I requested and I kept holding out in case they did end up finding it. But we'll get to that in a minute.

First, the specifications:

The Femblossom Heat is a rechargeable plastic vibe that covers the entirety of your vulva so that it can vibrate not just your clit, but your labia as well. It has 9 different speeds and patterns and along with those comes different levels of heat. It has a power button and up and down buttons so that you can peruse the different intensities. It also features an anti-bacterial agent that activates with water so that it can be uber clean.

When I had read about this magical heating up of the vibrator I had my doubts. After all, my Hitachi heats up if it takes me a long time to cum. I just assumed that this was going to be the case with this toy as well. The instructions, which told me to leave the toy running on its own for a few minutes before use, made me skeptical. Turned out I was wrong. The heat was specifically targeted on the areas that would be hitting my vulva and not on the rest. My hand would not overheat! Now if only they had made it so that you could control the level of heat without also changing the intensity of vibration. Its no secret that I like a super strong vibe, but it turns out that while I really really like heat (unlike cold), I don't like it to be super hot. I felt like the toy was going to burn my clit off! Okay, that may be an exaggeration, but still! I'd like some control over both heat and vibe intensity. Because of this issue it couldn't get me off . However, it was a great warm up (pun fully intended) to the Hitachi.

Another issue I had with this toy is that it felt awkward in my hand and the controls seemed a bit unintuitive. Granted, if this was a great vibe I would take the time to learn the controls and damn the awkwardness in hand! I mean seriously, the Hitachi is extremely heavy and bulky, but I rarely complain about how it feels in hand.

And then there's the name! Femblossom? They also make a toy called the Womolia. *Wretch* Is this second wave feminism back in full force? Did I fall into a time warp? Its just all so 'love and embrace your womanhood.' And while I agree with that mentality, I don't feel the need to talk about masturbation as "emotional bliss." I masturbate, I fuck myself, I cum. Emotions need not apply. Maybe I'm just too blunt for the flowery words. They just don't appeal to me. I feel like the names are targeting a much older audience. You know, like my mom.

But one of the biggest issues I had, and the reason that this review took so long, was because of this anti-bacterial agent business. Supposedly when water hits it it magically acts to kill all bacteria. They say they have studies to back this up. However, when I requested information from them about these studies or even access to the studies themselves I got nothing. They apparently couldn't locate them. What I want to know is what this magical material is. Does it emit any sort of chemicals when it is in contact with wetness? Because you know my vag gets pretty wet at times. I just can't endorse a product if I don't know how it works and how safe it is.

The truth is that I really wanted to like this toy despite the awful name (it wouldn't be the first to have one and at least they were trying) and the fears of overheating. I was pretty excited when they contacted me to try it out. I had read some reviews of the Femblossom before and they made it sound pretty awesome. I'd had my eye on it. I like it when my entire vulva is vibrated and I love heat. Plus there's the rechargeable factor which is pretty awesome and with the high price tag I assumed this was going to be a pretty awesome luxury type toy. Call me disappointed.

e[lust] #2

Photo courtesy of Twisted Monk

Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you're looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you're going to find it here. Want to be included in the next edition? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site's sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

♦ This Week's Top Three Posts ♦

The Heart of Darkness - "I swear that man can sense my fear like a hound scenting a rabbit, and just like the hound, his blood rises to it."

Forever... - "Forever is a beautiful idea, a wonderful goal, but it’s not a magic spell."

His First Fuck - "He stood there, obviously nervous, obviously aroused by what he had been witness to seconds earlier."

◊ e[lust] Editress ◊

I Dare You - "Aided by our clutches of printed papers, me hiding my nipples that could cut glass and him hiding the hard bulge in his dress pants, we scurried back to our cubes where the messages flew back and forth."

♦ Featured Post ♦

Who am I? - "I’ve been through a lot of shit in my life and couldn’t fit it all on one piece of poster board."


See also: Pleasurists #55 for all your sex toy review needs

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

♦ Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships ♦

First. Confession #380
In Defense of Squirting
Forever...
Gender, Buck Angel, and Me
G Spot Orgasms: It's all about the clitoris
Spitroast
They May be Bi, But They're Still Boys
Why I Sometimes Fake Orgasms
Wonderland: The British in Bed

♦ Kink & Fetish ♦

The Workout (fiction)
I Am Not Clark Kent
Caning
Lips Parted
Curve
She brought her own toys
Rope Bondage: Hemp vs. Mfp
Phew! Another Hole
Hearts
My virginity and how I lost it..
Gift
Spicing it up: Bondage Materials

♦ Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor ♦

20 Questions with Cyd
This Ain't No Disney
A Thank You Note
Vegas Virgins
Sex and Happiness

♦ Erotic Writing ♦

1 Full Body Massage / 1 Happy Ending
The Slut Chronicles #7 ~ I Said No
To Do List
the date
And Your Hands and Your Lips and Your Tongue Tricks
Oh Fuuuck
I Get Around
Sometimes, Love Hurts
In The Dark
Making Up
Quickie - A Good Girl
What I Want You To Do To Me
Hitachi Fun
Her Curves
Carnal
marks she left
Wicked Wednesday: I Love Watching You Watching Me
Birthday Boy
Fucking & Making Love
Thy Mother and Thy Father: A Vodoun Love Spell
What Just Happened?
Happy Birthday Me
What Cums Around